Fair enough! I, myself, hate making most kinds of Asian food…not because it doesn’t taste good when I do it, but I don’t really feel I have any great aptitude as a Vietnamese or Thai cook.
Veb: Here’s John Thorne’s master recipe for red beans & rice from SERIOUS PIG, a volume I recommend whole-heartedly to anyone who consumes food:
1 pound small red beans, soaked overnight
One ham bone with plenty of meat and fat still clinging to it, sawed in half or cracked
1 pound smoked Creole sausages or the same amount of some spicy, garlicky cured sausage, like chorizo or kielbasa (optional but recommended)
2 medium onions, coarsely chopped
1 small bunch flat-leafed parsley, minced
1 bunch (6 to 8) scallions, minced, including the green tops, 1/2 cup of which reserve, uncooked
2 large bell peppers, one red, one green, both cored seeded, and chopped (optional but recommended_
2 medium carrots, peeled and finely diced
2 celery stalks, finely diced
4 cloves of garlic, monced (amount optional)
Generous pinch of dried thyme, or a spring of fresh
1 or 2 bay leaves
At least i small hot red pepper, cored, seeded, and chopped fine, or a generous hand with the Tabasco bottle
Salt & pepper to taste
Sufficient rice to feed all eater.
Put the prepared beans in a large, heavy pot with a cover. Pour over 2 quarts of water, bring to a boil and let the beans cook in the roiling water for at least 10 minutes. Then lower the flame and simmer for 1 hour.
Add all ingredients except for the rice. Bring the cooking liquid back to a simmer and taste for seasoning. the beans should be done in another 1 1/2 hours.
Check the amount of liquid occasionally, adding more if necessary to keep the beans swimming. As they begin to soften, mash some of them against the side of the pot and stir this pulp into the liquid to make a thick, creamy sauce.
When the end of the cooking hoves into sight (the beans are soft and savory, the sauce thick and richly flavored) cook the rice. Let it sit covered for 5 minutes on the stove after it’s done to dry out a little, then fluff it up with a fork and put it onto the plates first, covering with a generous amount of the red beans and their gravy. Serve and pass around the following:
TOPPINGS: The matter of what to put on the beans at the table is strictly personal. Madatory are the reserved scallion tops (remember them?), but other options (not all recommended) include vinegar, hot sauce, sweet relish, ketchup, cane syrup, chopped raw onion, and hot peppers marinated in vinegar.

). Even the principal’s daughter was out, much to his embarrassment.