# Call bullshit?: Python crawls up toilet, grabs penis: Pix, but did it happen? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [May 27, 2016, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848 "2016-05-27T19:27:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2016, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/1 "2016-05-27T19:27:50Z")
We’ve all heard-apocryphally/feared it, and yet again the story appears: [Python slithers up toilet, latches onto man’s penis](http://nypost.com/2016/05/26/python-slithers-up-toilet-latches-onto-mans-penis/) Pythons don’t attack jaws first, do they? Even alarmed, cornered ones which to their surprise wind up underneath a man’s buttocks and dangly bits? And the blood in the pictures? Any herpetologists out there? Page **Colibri**? ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2016, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/2 "2016-05-27T19:44:13Z")
Different species, but here’s some footage: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/GxhoP9vcfaQ/maxresdefault.jpg "Python Bites! SnakeBytesTV") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxhoP9vcfaQ) ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2016, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/3 "2016-05-27T19:56:46Z")
If that’s a snake grabbing a penis I’m not clicking on it, nossir. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2016, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/4 "2016-05-27T20:12:49Z")
> [@Leo\_Bloom](#): > > If that’s a snake grabbing a penis I’m not clicking on it, nossir. I started watching but successfully aborted before the bite. From what I gathered, the channel is about a guy who gets bitten by various snakes. Not sure if uses unconventional body parts for his demonstrations. ---
**Author:** ![Ignotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ecc23a/32.png) [@Ignotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignotus)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2016, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/5 "2016-05-27T20:15:27Z")
> [@Leo\_Bloom](#): > > We’ve all heard-apocryphally/feared it, and yet again the story appears: [Python slithers up toilet, latches onto man’s penis](http://nypost.com/2016/05/26/python-slithers-up-toilet-latches-onto-mans-penis/) > > Pythons don’t attack jaws first, do they? Even alarmed, cornered ones which to their surprise wind up underneath a man’s buttocks and dangly bits? > > And the blood in the pictures? > > Any herpetologists out there? Page **Colibri**? How did you think they attack? Tail first? And yes, they have some sharp teeth (although no venom). Not saying it happened, but I don’t see why it _couldn’t_ have. ---
**Author:** ![Ornery\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/da6949/32.png) [@Ornery\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ornery_Bob)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2016, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/6 "2016-05-27T20:25:20Z")
All constrictors attack by biting first and holding on very tightly. Then they start wrapping coils for the constrictor business. In point of fact, if the snake is in feeding mode, it won’t release it’s bite until whatever it’s latched on to stops moving. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2016, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/7 "2016-05-27T20:32:03Z")
I’d be more concerned about what nasty stuff that snake swam through and ate through before biting my penis. Those are some injections that I’d be happy to take. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2016, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/8 "2016-05-27T21:15:17Z")
I’m not watching the footage… I have owned pythons and boas and they do bite first, holding the prey with their mouth during the entire time that they are constricting it. In fact, they’ll hold onto it continuously even after it is dead, when they’re trying to move it around to swallow head first. As humans we’re thinking “Just let go and grab the head” but snakes are happy enough spending all day moving their jaws around in small increments. They would only bite and hold if they intended to eat the target, though. If this was a defensive “don’t tread on me” kind of bite, they would strike and release. They don’t want teeth snagging and possibly getting ripped out. Anyway, the purpose of a defensive bite is to make you go away, so it would be counter-productive to hold onto you. I can believe there’s lots of blood. A python’s teeth are not very large/long, but they are really sharp and there could be hundreds of them. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2016, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/9 "2016-05-27T21:57:02Z")
> [@Leo\_Bloom](#): > > Pythons don’t attack jaws first, do they? Even alarmed, cornered ones which to their surprise wind up underneath a man’s buttocks and dangly bits? > > And the blood in the pictures? > > Any herpetologists out there? Page **Colibri**? As others have described, constrictors bite prey first to hold it firmly, then throw loops of the body around it to kill it. They have lots of very sharp teeth which draw a lot of blood. As **dracoi** says, generally a snake will release after a defensive bite. However, the snake in the video linked to in post 2 evidently was defending itself too, and it held on pretty tight. It would be pretty difficult for even a python to swallow someone penis first. ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2016, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/10 "2016-05-27T23:23:48Z")
Well, I clicked on the links and am heading to Home Depot to buy a machete to hang by the toilet. And this is garter snake territory, tops. Still… ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2016, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/11 "2016-05-27T23:38:08Z")
I was surprised to find out how sharp the teeth are on a python. I have had plenty of local snakes bite me and draw a small amount of blood so I wasn’t too concerned when my friends 6 ft python latched on to me. It bled a lot more than the king snakes and golfer snake bites. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2016, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/12 "2016-05-28T00:20:30Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I was surprised to find out how sharp the teeth are on a python. I have had plenty of local snakes bite me and draw a small amount of blood so I wasn’t too concerned when my friends 6 ft python latched on to me. It bled a lot more than the king snakes and golfer snake bites. > **[The Difference](https://xkcd.com/242/)** > > How could you choose avoiding a little pain over understanding a magic lightning machine? I have heard many people interpret the xkcd above as a _criticism_ of scientists. On the contrary, I applaud the fact that your scientific curiosity supercedes any concerns about temporary discomfort. I’m assuming that the experimental substrate was not your penis. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2016, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/13 "2016-05-28T02:19:33Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > [xkcd: The Difference](https://xkcd.com/242/) > > I have heard many people interpret the xkcd above as a _criticism_ of scientists. On the contrary, I applaud the fact that your scientific curiosity supercedes any concerns about temporary discomfort. I’m assuming that the experimental substrate was not your penis. It is really not unusual for reptile collectors to voluntarily experience bites from specimens just to feel more comfortable around them. I have had some lizards surprise me with stronger jaws than I expected on several occasions. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/14 "2016-05-29T14:31:30Z")
You think you guys feel squicky about it? Hey, it happened not too far from Bangkok. In Chachoengsao province in central Thailand. (Anyone who travels from Bangkok to Pattaya passes through a tiny corner of the province.) [Here’s a local story on it](http://www.khaosodenglish.com/detail.php?newsid=1464165135), from the English-language site of a Thai-language newspaper, complete with some rather alarming photos. But the patient seems to be taking it all in stride in the shot with grinning doctors. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/15 "2016-05-29T15:14:43Z")
Local hero. I can only imagine what his lines are in a bar to pick up girls or to cadge a free drink. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/16 "2016-05-29T15:42:16Z")
Oh fuck it, I’m buying a potty chair. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/17 "2016-05-29T22:02:48Z")
Old joke punchline: “The Doctors says…you’re gonna die!” ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/18 "2016-05-29T22:31:37Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > You think you guys feel squicky about it? Hey, it happened not too far from Bangkok. In Chachoengsao province in central Thailand. (Anyone who travels from Bangkok to Pattaya passes through a tiny corner of the province.) > > [Here’s a local story on it](http://www.khaosodenglish.com/detail.php?newsid=1464165135), from the English-language site of a Thai-language newspaper, complete with some rather alarming photos. But the patient seems to be taking it all in stride in the shot with grinning doctors. The bloody hand-print on the toilet is my favorite part. What a story! ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/19 "2016-05-29T23:28:16Z")
> [@Peanuthead](#): > > Old joke punchline: “The Doctors says…you’re gonna die!” Don’t know that one. Is it the same as Old joke punchline: “The Doctor says it’ll fall off anyway” ? ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2016, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848/20 "2016-05-30T02:15:57Z")
> [@Leo\_Bloom](#): > > Don’t know that one. Is it the same as Old joke punchline: “The Doctor says it’ll fall off anyway” ? Two cowboys are staying a couple miles outside of town on a trail they used for herding cattle. While taking a shit behind a bush, one cowboys gets bitten on the penis by a rattle snake. He alerts his friend, who jumps on his horse and races toward town seeking a cure. He reaches the doctors office and runs inside. The doc explains to him that the only way to save his friend is to suck the poison out. The cowboy jumps back on his horse and races back to his ailing friend. When he reaches his camp, the frantic cowboy cries out “What did the doctor say?” To which his friend replies "He said you’re gonna die! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-bullshit-python-crawls-up-toilet-grabs-penis-pix-but-did-it-happen/755848.md?page=2)