# "Call me" assholes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 3, 2014, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784 "2014-03-03T23:09:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Talkto\_tyler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/71e660/32.png) [@Talkto\_tyler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talkto_tyler)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/61 "2014-03-08T02:59:57Z")
> [@Talkto\_tyler](#): > > When a man says ‘call me’ to a woman,it’s a sign he is not ready. > A woman ideally is pursued,meaning the man initiates calling. > While dating him,he initiates the calling during the first few weeks. > The above is good relationship building technique. By the way,if you’re a guy pursuing the same sex or a guy pursuing a woman, Call them! You may find some people insist on spontaneous,witty conversation to evaluate their interest. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/62 "2014-03-08T06:30:55Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > Yes, there are times people try to email or IM at lengths that are ridiculous compared to the scant seconds ear-to-ear communication would take. OTOH, I loathe nothing more than a phone call that requires me to take several minutes of careful dictation of names, numbers, dates, directions and such that would fit into the semi-permanent and error-reducing form of text. This is my opinion. If the conversation contains a “why” element then a phone call is probably better. But if someone is calling to tell you to stop at the grocery store and get Hubbard’s brand of red pepper hummus in the 24 oz. container (and not the blue label one!) that is located in aisle 6, then why oh why can’t people text or email that information to you? By calling, you will have to first exchange pleasantries, then find a pen, a scrap of paper, and carefully write down all of the stuff, repeat what you wrote to make sure you got it right, and then exchange the required goodbyes to hang up the phone. In an email, all of the information is there and correct. ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/63 "2014-03-08T17:19:51Z")
> [@gazpacho](#): > > In the civilization 5 video game they have a quote reportedly from Mark Twain. “I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying ‘flee at once - all is discovered.’ They all left town immediately.” When they found out what had happened, Mr. Twain no doubt had a dozen fewer friends than he’d had before this little episode… ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/64 "2014-03-08T17:31:32Z")
I don’t get a lot of messages like this, but to me they always imply “…when you get a chance.” I assume it’s not an emergency, otherwise the person would have called instead of texting. It’s simply a way to say “I don’t want to bug you with a call, but if you’re free, give me a ring.” ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/65 "2014-03-08T22:07:34Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I’m still of the opinion that it’s the job of the person of the phone to make sure their phone won’t ring in a bad situation. Texting is going to make their phone make a noise, too, if they haven’t put it on silent. You are correct and it depends on the phone’s settings. When I get a text my phone beeps once. When I get a call it rings four times before kicking over to voice mail. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/66 "2014-03-08T23:32:22Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I’m still of the opinion that it’s the job of the person of the phone to make sure their phone won’t ring in a bad situation. Texting is going to make their phone make a noise, too, if they haven’t put it on silent. Yes, but the text noise is usually about a second long and only happens the once. Ringing for a call is usually fairly continuous and can go on for what seems like forever. I forgot to turn my phone to silent when I went in for jury duty the other day, and the little tweeting noise that alerts me to a text would have been a LOT less obtrusive than the loud music pouring out while I frantically pawed through my purse trying to get at the damn phone and make it be quiet. Yes, it was my responsibility to turn the damn thing off, but I’d just watched one of my pet chickens attacked by a roaming dog that managed to get into our fenced yard and thought she was dead. I was more than a little discombobulated and the phone simply didn’t make it onto my list of things to think about. I’m human and fallible, sue me. I assume other people are similarly fallible humans and try to minimize my potential for being pains in their asses when it’s feasible. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/67 "2014-03-09T01:06:54Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Yes, but the text noise is usually about a second long and only happens the once. Ringing for a call is usually fairly continuous and can go on for what seems like forever. I forgot to turn my phone to silent when I went in for jury duty the other day, and the little tweeting noise that alerts me to a text would have been a LOT less obtrusive than the loud music pouring out while I frantically pawed through my purse trying to get at the damn phone and make it be quiet. Yes, it was my responsibility to turn the damn thing off, but I’d just watched one of my pet chickens attacked by a roaming dog that managed to get into our fenced yard and thought she was dead. I was more than a little discombobulated and the phone simply didn’t make it onto my list of things to think about. I’m human and fallible, sue me. > > I assume other people are similarly fallible humans and try to minimize my potential for being pains in their asses when it’s feasible. But, the point is, you _aren’t_ being a pain in their asses if they are the ones who made a mistake. It is fault of the person who made the mistake. Anyone who would blame me for them forgetting to turn their phone off is not going to be my friend for long. That’s a person who thinks they are infallible, as their mistake is my fault. It is just not reasonable to for me to have to try and predict someone else’s schedule. It’s not reasonable for me to know that you had jury duty and thus I should text first in order to minimize any distraction had you accidentally left your phone on. That’s just too many conditionals to expect others to anticipate. Yes, people are fallible. That’s why you shouldn’t be kicked off the jury for forgetting to turn off your phone. But I don’t see why that means it’s my responsibility to remember to text you if I want or need to talk to you. You are the one who knows your situation best, and you are the one who is going to be annoyed. If you made a mistake, you made a mistake. It’s not my fault. I don’t see why I should have to walk on eggshells constantly worrying that I am going to disturb someone when they have the ability to prevent themselves from being disturbed. The ringer exists for a purpose–am I to constantly pretend it doesn’t exist? ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/68 "2014-03-09T02:43:29Z")
But that changed the conditions. No one says you have to know what the other person is doing. The OP was annoyed at texts tells him to call. There are legitimate reasons to do that. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/69 "2014-03-10T01:57:22Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > It is just not reasonable to for me to have to try and predict someone else’s schedule. Exactly. I generally have NO IDEA what someone I want to talk to is up to at any given time. Which is why I tend to default to the assumption that it’s not a great time for their phone to ring and text first, unless it’s something important. I’m not saying that’s what everybody in the whole world ought to do and anybody who disagrees blows dead goats, ffs. You asked why anybody would ever do such a thing, and that’s why I do it. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/70 "2014-03-10T03:01:01Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Can I piggyback on this? > > My dad’s health is very, very bad right now, and isn’t going to get any better. I’m trying to spend as much time with him as I can right now, and I’m careful to make sure I have my phone charged and nearby, in case there’s an emergency. > > I mention this to make it clear that I would not, normally, stop having sex with my boyfriend to answer my phone. But when my mom calls me at 12:30 at night, well, that’s a call I should really take. Which is how I ended up standing in my boyfriend’s living room, naked, sticky, and experiencing mild cardiac arrest, while my mom laid out in some detail the dinner options open to me when I came by the house the next day. I would have told her all of that. Call me for an emergency anytime, mom. But dinner plans? Nope, you get to hear, in detail what you interrupted. Yeah, mom, we were doin’ it doggy. He is wearing those cute pink frilly undies you gave me for Christmas. Who calls after 10? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![funkycoldmedina1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f9ae1b/32.png) [@funkycoldmedina1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funkycoldmedina1)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/71 "2014-04-13T04:42:30Z")
Girlfriend: We need to talk. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/72 "2014-04-13T05:35:09Z")
? That is the reply to “call me” persons who text or email. If you are over 80 years of age, I will cut you some slack, but really a message slip (old fashioned me) has a “re:” line for a reason. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/73 "2014-04-13T06:09:27Z")
> [@LibrarySpy](#): > > Then email it! Facebook it! IM it! Uh, texting **is** basically phone-based IMing… So there seems to be an assumption that listening to a voice is inherently less effort than reading. I’m not 100% sure about that, but I’m pondering… ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/74 "2014-04-13T14:36:22Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > But, the point is, you _aren’t_ being a pain in their asses if they are the ones who made a mistake. It is fault of the person who made the mistake. Anyone who would blame me for them forgetting to turn their phone off is not going to be my friend for long. That’s a person who thinks they are infallible, as their mistake is my fault. > > It is just not reasonable to for me to have to try and predict someone else’s schedule. It’s not reasonable for me to know that you had jury duty and thus I should text first in order to minimize any distraction had you accidentally left your phone on. That’s just too many conditionals to expect others to anticipate. Once I called a sort-of friend and got no answer. A few hours later I talked to him and he was really pissed off. Apparently, he had been in an exam when I called. I said his phone should have been off then, but no. There was a company calling him about a job interview, so he had special permission to leave his phone on so they could call during his exam. So on top of him expecting me (and everyone else, presumably) to have psychic powers telling us when he was in an exam, he also expected me to believe that complete bullshit about him having special permission to take a phone call in an exam, because it couldn’t _possibly_ have been done an hour later. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/75 "2014-04-13T14:39:23Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > In a business context, however, that’s just bullshit. It’s common courtesy (and provides a better experience for everyone involved) if you give someone a chance to pull up and review the relevant portion of your file before calling you back. Depends very much on the business context- if I’m calling/texting/emailing somewhere to schedule/reschedule/cancel , of course it makes sense to leave put that info in a message. But that’s not the only business context there is. It has not been terribly uncommon for me to need to speak to someone, for them to be unavailable by phone and for the subject to be something that doesn’t involve pulling up a file but does involve not wanting a written or audio record of substance at that point. So that even if I did call on the phone the only message would be “call me” whether it was left on voice mail or with a secretary. If any message is only going to be “call me” , I’m not really sure it matters whether it’s voice mail, email, text or left with a person. Sure , old fashioned message slips have a “Re:” line. And there were always circumstances when that line was left blank. For example, I received a phone call last week to set up an interview for a promotion. There’s no way that information would have been left with anyone except me. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/76 "2014-04-13T15:42:52Z")
Sometimes I get the “Call me” in my current Chair of a medical department role because people are aware that written words fix things down (apologies to PTerry) … and can be passed along as well. It usually means they have something to pass along or discuss that they want to be kept confidential and/or to have deniability about. I’ve done it only once in context of nipping a potential long back and forth of e-mails in the bud. “Want to discuss further? Call me.” ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/77 "2014-04-13T18:54:43Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Sometimes I get the “Call me” in my current Chair of a medical department role because people are aware that written words fix things down (apologies to PTerry) … and can be passed along as well. It usually means they have something to pass along or discuss that they want to be kept confidential and/or to have deniability about. I’ve done it only once in context of nipping a potential long back and forth of e-mails in the bud. “Want to discuss further? Call me.” I more or less agree with you, but since I assume not all calls have significant confidentiality concerns and if somebody says “Call me” you don’t know whether you should do so in the privacy of your office, wouldn’t it be better for people to say “Call me; I have something confidential to discuss” or “Call me; I’d like to take you out the pub”? ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/78 "2014-04-14T16:31:12Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > …Yes, there are times people try to email or IM at lengths that are ridiculous compared to the scant seconds ear-to-ear communication would take. OTOH, I loathe nothing more than a phone call that requires me to take several minutes of careful dictation of names, numbers, dates, directions and such that would fit into the semi-permanent and error-reducing form of text. > [@jtgain](#): > > This is my opinion. If the conversation contains a “why” element then a phone call is probably better. But if someone is calling to tell you to stop at the grocery store and get Hubbard’s brand of red pepper hummus in the 24 oz. container (and not the blue label one!) that is located in aisle 6, then why oh why can’t people text or email that information to you? > > By calling, you will have to first exchange pleasantries, then find a pen, a scrap of paper, and carefully write down all of the stuff, repeat what you wrote to make sure you got it right, and then exchange the required goodbyes to hang up the phone. In an email, all of the information is there and correct. these these these If my sister texts me telling me that she is thinking about leaving her husband and wants me to call to discuss, that is reasonable. If she wants to ask me if I will pick up her husband who is coming in to town on Delta flight 563 at 5:30 PM Friday at Terminal 4, domestic zone, at Tri-City Airport (the new one, not the old City Field!), park in the blue or yellow lots, not the red one because it is on the opposite side of the airport and shuttles only arrive every 45 minutes, and call the Arrivals Hotline at 555-2232 before incurring parking charges to make sure that the flight has not been redirected or delayed, that is better sent as a text or email. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784/79 "2014-04-15T05:50:09Z")
It’s funny how much a single punctuation mark can change. To me, personally, at least: “Call me” OH FUCK WHO DIED!? “Call me?” Oh, okay, I should probably call them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-assholes/682784.md?page=3)