# Call me ThreadKiller(TM)! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 31, 2007, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800 "2007-07-31T10:16:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 74
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1461 "2007-08-27T01:26:32Z")
\ ***Sheriff Player** quietly swore to himself. Back in them ol’ days, when the name **Player** was an earned title and not a name, fear was all that all ever ever looked at him. It’s time like this that he wished he had never met that **Woman in Red**. The **Woman in Red** who retired him from the fast live of constant boozen, women, gamblin’ and scratch loto tickets at the 7-11. No one would have dared messen’ with him then. “Damn **Woman in Red**. Why ya go make me all weak like this. Now I’ve got bad critters all over the place. I gotta get this town back into shape.” \* ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1462 "2007-08-27T01:33:43Z")
[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer] [No one would have dared messed him then. [/QUOTE] \ ***SSG Schwartz** messes the **Player**. 😃 And says, “Deal me in boys. We’ve got time.” He lays a $50 on the table and stares each player in the eye before he speaks. "I want that thread dead. No offense to the **Player** here, but I will do this for once and all. You bring that thread out here at dawn tomorrow (or 7:55 EST) and with one quick flash from my Colts, the **Thread that Would not Die** will be gone. “ **Miss fisha** , set me up with your best girl.”\* SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1463 "2007-08-27T01:35:52Z")
_Mister **Labtrash** sidles up to the bar. "Where’s that fine whiskey you promised our table, Miss fisha? Miss fisha lowers her voice and says, "Mister **Labtrash** , there’s trouble brewing, and I might need your help. You owe me big for keeping my mouth shut from when I found you that night with all of those rabbits, the ice cream, and the ducks. I may just have to call in that favor now. This whole town feels like it might jist go plumb crazy._ _Here’s your whiskey. go back to the table and play nice."_ ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1464 "2007-08-27T01:38:09Z")
\ ***Kat** looked up when **Miss fisha** opened the door to the back room. Unfortunately, it was too late for **Kat** to hide the open bottle of aged whiskey that she’d just taken a drink from. Or the empty racks showing that this wasn’t the first bottle that she’d pilfered since being hired. She gave an innocent grin and hide the bottle behind her back anyway. “Yes, **Miss Fisha**?”\* ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1465 "2007-08-27T01:44:05Z")
_ **Sheriff Player** looks across the room at the kid in the corner who just threw his allowance money down with the big boys. Damn, if it weren’t bad enough that he’s got a loose thread runnin’ around, now he’s got to make sure **Kid Sarge** doesn’t get hurt as well._ ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1466 "2007-08-27T01:45:53Z")
\*Miss fisha smiles broadly and says, “SSG, the best girl in this here establishment isn’t available for your pleasure. But I have a wonderful girl here who’ll make you forget your own name. She talks and acts like a high falutin’ lady, but she’ll do whatever you’d like. I think she’s upstairs, powdering her nose.” Miss fisha thinks to herself, "When I find **Big Baby** , I’ll find her, too. \* ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1467 "2007-08-27T01:50:43Z")
\*Where the hell is that worthless drunk, **Auto** anyway? **Sheriff Player** ain’t got no use for men who wear women’s dresses, but outnumbered and rusty, he’ll take any help he can find in this little town. The prancing of tiny feet can be heard. Yup, it’s the pony **Ladle Boy** an’ from the sweat covering it, you can tell **Auto’s** been ridin’ that one hard.\* ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1468 "2007-08-27T01:52:15Z")
\*Or not. **Kat** blinks in confusion at the closed door. Hallucinations again. That was bad. She put down the half-empty whiskey bottle, gathered the red fabric of her skirt in one hand (so she wouldn’t trip over it) and [del]staggered[/del] walked carefully over the the door of the back room. She opened it a crack to look out and make sure no one (especially **Miss fisha** , or that drunk **Autolycus** ) was waiting outside for her. Or she meant to. What she actually did was push the door wide open and fall through it.\* ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1469 "2007-08-27T01:53:01Z")
\*“ **Kat!** There you are! These men need a little whiskey, a little flirtin’ and some good luck.” Miss fisha whispers under her breath “and stop drinkin’ all the good stuff. We’re going to need it later, I heard about some guy named Molotov, and an idea he had.” _Loudly miss fisha calls over her shoulder, “Let me get your room prepared **SSG.** I’ll give you the deluxe at the top of the stairs.”_ Miss fisha kicks a prone \*\*Auto \*_in the head once more as she steps over him, heading up the stairs._ ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1470 "2007-08-27T01:53:46Z")
Bah. You guys suck. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1471 "2007-08-27T01:55:39Z")
\ ***SSG Schwartz** sees **Player** sizing him up. He thinks the **Player** is going to deputize him on the spot. A good sheriff can always spot good talent. If he even knew what the man in white was really thinking he would put two rounds through his lily white skull. He hears \*\*Miss fisha’s \*\*words and wonders if **Miss fisha** is offering herself. Can’t be. **Miss fisha** brings the bottle and the SSG grabs her around the waist. "I said I want the best. Find **big baby**. He may be **sweet** , but he knows where the girls are.\* SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1472 "2007-08-27T01:56:46Z")
Well duh! What, we want more people writing in here or something? We’ve already picked up a few more misfits, and can’t afford to get anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1473 "2007-08-27T01:56:57Z")
\*“Good luck?!” **Kat** stared at **Miss fisha** in astonishment and disbelief as she grabbed with her free hand at the rabbit’s foot that hung on a chain around her neck. “Not a chance. I’ll go out and _hic_ kill that thread myself before I give up my rabbit’s foot!”\* ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1474 "2007-08-27T01:58:00Z")
_"Oh, and_\* LOUNE,\*\* keep playing that piano, boyo, don’t stop for nothin’, you hear?"\* ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1475 "2007-08-27T02:01:26Z")
Dammit, LOUNE already casted as piano player SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1476 "2007-08-27T02:02:44Z")
So…are we in a Civil War re-enactment or what around here? ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1477 "2007-08-27T02:03:58Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] So…are we in a Civil War re-enactment or what around here? [/QUOTE] See post #1444 SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1478 "2007-08-27T02:07:58Z")
\*"As miss fisha climbs the stairs, she can hear **Big Baby** doing unmentionable things to himself. She bangs on the door. A sudden silence. “Er, yes Miss fisha?” “ **Big Baby** , you need to quit your yankin’ and come downstairs. There’s a mighty big storm brewin’ and **Kat** is three sheets to the wind. She’s been dippin’ into the private stock again. Find those boys and the sheriff some whores, and get that damn **Auto** off my floor, he’s lying in his own juices again, and he smells like piss. Oh, and load up the shotguns. We have some close in work tonight.” The nerve of that SSG thinkin’ the deluxe was me. Hell, he’ll be lucky to get a lousy cot under the eaves now."\* ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1479 "2007-08-27T02:10:14Z")
Ignore #1474. LOUNE can do whatever he wants. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800/1480 "2007-08-27T02:15:29Z")
\*After \*\*Miss fisha \*\*disappears, **SSG Schwartz** pauses for a minute in the game to think about the way she looked at him. He knows that she will offer a cot in the barn where they can have some privacy. He will turn her down in favor of the second best. Hell, he thinks, **Auto** is kind of drunk… He sees **Miss Fisha** sweeping down the stairs. \* SSG Schwartz [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800.md?page=73) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-me-threadkiller-tm/413800.md?page=75)