# Call the exterminators, I have Book Gnomes! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 10, 2012, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-the-exterminators-i-have-book-gnomes/634260 "2012-09-10T01:21:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-the-exterminators-i-have-book-gnomes/634260/1 "2012-09-10T01:21:20Z")
Most of you have probably have suffered infestations of Sock Elves or Glasses Goblins. I don’t have to detail the extreme aggravation of having supernatural thieves on the premises, helping themselves to your car keys and grocery lists. Where’dIPutEm Fairies are an unfortunate fact of life we have to deal with, like the common cold. At the moment they are exceedingly unfortunate (not to mention cheeky). Unfortunate for me, and, if I manage to catch up with them, unfortunate for them. Their blatant thievery over the weekend includes two textbooks, one library book, and one book I was going to read for a class assignment. Yes, that’s right. _Four_ books, and all of them very bad ones to lose. I searched here and there, I searched high and low, I even ventured into the depths of my brother’s room. _Nothing_. This cannot be a coincidence. Look, I understand that education is the key to getting ahead in society, human or gnome. But must you insufferable illegitimate Oedipalist [proctotremes](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12128171&postcount=56) educate yourselves at my expense? Go broaden your minds with someone else’s stuff. Or better yet, fix the broken gnome educational system so that you can afford your own books. But leave my things alone! P.S. an article I clipped out of the newspaper this morning. Also intended for class. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-the-exterminators-i-have-book-gnomes/634260/2 "2012-09-10T02:03:22Z")
I hates book theives with a passion…so I was all set to get outraged on your behaf…but I was laughing too hard. FOUR books? You managed to lose FOUR books over one weekend. I can’t match that. The closest I’ve come to your world record is to lose an oversized library book between the couch and the wall. I still have the receipt for the overdue fine of $14.70. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-the-exterminators-i-have-book-gnomes/634260/3 "2012-09-10T02:08:55Z")
Ha ha ha. He he he. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-the-exterminators-i-have-book-gnomes/634260/4 "2012-09-10T02:17:14Z")
if they were small books, look in the couch. (that’s where my cell phone always is) if they are big books, your brother took them. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-the-exterminators-i-have-book-gnomes/634260/5 "2012-09-10T04:26:49Z")
There are at least three books that I haven’t been able to find since moving. There’s one box they might be in, at the bottom of a stack. I had a set of tarot cards that disappeared the last time my family moved. I’ve never found it (I’m still halfway convinced my parents threw it out.) ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-the-exterminators-i-have-book-gnomes/634260/6 "2012-09-10T08:16:30Z")
Book Gnomes is good peoples. Never had a problem with them that wasn’t quickly resolved peacefully. Play your cards right, you can get them to leave beer money in the crease of your couch, too. Lighter Korrigans are another story. Fucking workaholics. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-the-exterminators-i-have-book-gnomes/634260/7 "2012-09-10T08:25:47Z")
So, what, the gnomes couldn’t make a profit out of underpants after all? ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-the-exterminators-i-have-book-gnomes/634260/8 "2012-09-16T22:05:05Z")
Okay, this is ridiculous. When I asked my mom if she’d seen my books around, she asked, well, what are they called. I couldn’t remember, and I don’t have my syllabus with me, but that’s okay because I could always look up my ordering history on Amazon, right? Nope. According to Amazon, I never ordered those books. The big box that was sitting on the mail table all week was apparently a hallucination. I must be falsely remembering opening it up and confirming, “Yup, it’s my textbooks.” No one else seems to be able to independently confirm that they existed. &!#@ those gnomes. Or maybe they’re gremlins. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-the-exterminators-i-have-book-gnomes/634260/9 "2012-09-16T22:08:34Z")
So now the gnomes have branched out from book theivery to brain robbing? This is serious. ---
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-the-exterminators-i-have-book-gnomes/634260/10 "2012-09-16T23:08:20Z")
This is a little awkward but I think that it needs to be asked: have you considered the (no doubt astonishingly minute) possibility that you have been transported to an alternate universe? ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2012, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/call-the-exterminators-i-have-book-gnomes/634260/11 "2012-09-17T00:22:51Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Okay, this is ridiculous. > > When I asked my mom if she’d seen my books around, she asked, well, what are they called. I couldn’t remember, and I don’t have my syllabus with me, but that’s okay because I could always look up my ordering history on Amazon, right? > > Nope. > > According to Amazon, I never ordered those books. The big box that was sitting on the mail table all week was apparently a hallucination. I must be falsely remembering opening it up and confirming, “Yup, it’s my textbooks.” No one else seems to be able to independently confirm that they existed. Now that’s what I call plot thickening.