# Calling all East-Indian men! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 12, 2004, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844 "2004-02-12T14:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/1 "2004-02-12T14:58:54Z")
I’ve been ranting internally about this for years now, and I finally found a place to get it off my chest! Question to all sane-minded East Indian men: Why are so many of you so anxious to get married? Now see, my parents and aunts were the only family I had in the States. About three years ago they all packed up and returned to India. That leaves me with no close family here. And to be quite honest, I miss the fun things I could do. I don’t want to get too involved in the Indian neighborhoods again, but I’ve been trying to contact friends to hang out with, watch Indian movies with, maybe go to garbha, or Diwali functions. (Since my boyfriend is Chinese and barely knows anything about his own culture! He tries, but it’s not the same.) So. I go on \*\*PEN-PAL \*\* sites, and I write profiles that say I’m **INVOLVED** , and that I’m looking for a \*\*PEN-PAL \*\* to meet and chat with about the old country. You know. So why do every one of you, after talking to you for a while, bring up the subject of marriage? And then you dog it, making cute little jokes about how you think I’d make a great wife, and how I must be soooo pretty. Listen up, bub! Just because I can speak Hindi, I cook rotis and Hindi cuisine, and watch Hindi movies does not mean I’ll make the ideal wife! Am I looking for a husband? NO! I have a man I love very much! Do I even want to get married? I’M NOT SURE YET! Whew. Listen. Are there any Indian guys out there who believe that adult men and adult women can be friends? I know this is very unusual in our culture: but we’re not in India, and I thought we came here for a better life?! Please. Come out of the woodwork. Prove me wrong. I want to be _friends_… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/2 "2004-02-12T14:59:59Z")
Aargh. it’s supposed to be “Calling All East-Indian Men.” I guess I was so peeved that I didn’t notice. If a mod wanders by, can you fix it? ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/3 "2004-02-12T15:20:39Z")
Will you marry me? [sub]Just thought I’d get that one out of the way[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/4 "2004-02-12T15:27:17Z")
> [@World Eater](#): > > Will you marry me? > > [sub]Just thought I’d get that one out of the way[/sub] Touche. This board won’t let me just write that word, so this is to fill it up. ---
**Author:** ![cowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/5 "2004-02-12T15:32:56Z")
Hell, if you’re cooking rotis, then _I’ll_ marry you. I mean, my husband is pretty good at it, but he doesn’t have it quite right. If you just give me some recipes, though, maybe I’d leave you alone. ---
**Author:** ![tsarina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f4b2a3/32.png) [@tsarina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tsarina)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/6 "2004-02-12T17:31:07Z")
I wish some of that longing for marriage could be passed along to MY East Indian boyfriend! _grumble_ 🙂 Seriously, I don’t think guys and girls are encouraged to be friends with each other, if they come from traditional families. A friend of mine who’s going through med school in India has told me that he can’t ever study or spend time with his fellow students that are women, because their families will think something’s up. He tried to make friends with a girl once and her mother started asking when they were getting married! So I think it’s more due to family pressure than anything… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/7 "2004-02-12T17:54:16Z")
> [@cowgirl](#): > > Hell, if you’re cooking rotis, then _I’ll_ marry you. I mean, my husband is pretty good at it, but he doesn’t have it quite right. > > If you just give me some recipes, though, maybe I’d leave you alone. haha, cowgirl, just come over and I’ll gladly make you rotis whenever you want. Or I usually make them Saturday morning with hot pickle and \*sookhe \* \*aloo \* (dry potatoes). Or I can make tandoori chicken one night for you. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/8 "2004-02-12T17:55:37Z")
> [@tsarina](#): > > I > > Seriously, I don’t think guys and girls are encouraged to be friends with each other, if they come from traditional families. … Of course I know this, but when you’re 30 years old it’s time to cut those apron strings! ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/9 "2004-02-12T18:12:20Z")
See, now I have the opposite problem - my Indian boyfriend _DOESN’T_ want to get married. Of course, I don’t particularly want to get married either, so it’s not much of a problem. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/10 "2004-02-12T18:17:54Z")
> [@Elenia25](#): > > haha, cowgirl, just come over and I’ll gladly make you rotis whenever you want. Or I usually make them Saturday morning with hot pickle and \*sookhe \* \*aloo \* (dry potatoes). > > Or I can make tandoori chicken one night for you. _pushes cowgirl out of the way_ So – how _you_ doin’? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/11 "2004-02-12T18:31:29Z")
Well, _I’ll_ be your friend, even if I’m not East Indian, or a man. As long as you teach me how to make proper naan bread (I tried it once, and they came out the same approximate density as hockey pucks). Mmmmmm, naan bread. I think it’s time for lunch… ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/12 "2004-02-12T18:44:00Z")
> [@tsarina](#): > > Seriously, I don’t think guys and girls are encouraged to be friends with each other, if they come from traditional families. A friend of mine who’s going through med school in India has told me that he can’t ever study or spend time with his fellow students that are women, because their families will think something’s up. He tried to make friends with a girl once and her mother started asking when they were getting married! So I think it’s more due to family pressure than anything… My fiance had that problem, too. He’s from Bombay. (BTW, should that be spelled Mumbai or Bombay, or are the two interchangeable?) He was friends with a girl in high school before he left to go to college in the States and had to cut ties with her because this girl’s mom started trying to plan a marriage between the two - she just assumed that, because they spoke to each other often and hung out sometimes, when he went to the States he’d take the girl with him as his wife. I don’t know if that makes the mother nuts or typical. Anyway, when he and I started going out, his grandmom immediately assumed he was courting me and started telling him he shouldn’t marry a “ghost-face.” But that’s a different story altogether. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/13 "2004-02-12T18:49:09Z")
Undoubtedly, pressure from the family and community create this “need” for Indian guys to get married. The pressure for women is infinitely greater. Although I grew up in the US, my family was quite traditional. And I was about as un-traditional as possible. Yet my mother never quit trying to find me a wife since the day I graduated college. I finally got married when I was 32 (about a year and a half ago), but I was the last in my Indian circle of friends. Even female friends pressure you. And since you’re female, most guys you talk to probably assume that you’re on the market. Be easy on them. It’s tough for them too. Jai hind! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![cowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/14 "2004-02-12T19:22:20Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > _pushes cowgirl out of the way_ > > So – how _you_ doin’? See? Even on the 'net we can’t help fighting for your affections ! … lousy **tdn** … I saw her first ! … ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/15 "2004-02-12T19:30:45Z")
cowgirl, tdn, and featherlou can \*all \* come over at once. Actually maybe we better go to one of your houses because if two people get into my kitchen we’re stepping on each other’s feet. Anybody have a real big kitchen where we can all get together and cook up a huge meal? I have a good (short) story, too. I am really enjoying myself cooking all kinds of things these last couple of years (not always the case-I used to hate cooking), and this year I thought I would attempt ras gulla (cheese balls soaked in a sweet sauce). I did everything, even made the cheese from scratch… Why oh why doesn’t home-made cheese stick together? And why does it taste yummy anyway so I’m left with yummy-tasting but terrible-looking crumbly cheese and even yummy-tasting sauce? My bf took one look at it. And he calls himself “willing to try new things”. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/16 "2004-02-12T21:04:07Z")
> [@Elenia25](#): > > Whew. Listen. Are there any Indian guys out there who believe that adult men and adult women can be friends? A fine question, and one which can be answered by repeated viewings of _When Kalpana met Sridhar_. I believe it stars Otm Shank. The combination Bollywood-dance-number/fake-orgasm scene is a classic. ---
**Author:** ![litost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@litost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/litost)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/17 "2004-02-12T23:21:17Z")
I am a little tired of the continued existence of such stereotypical behavior and the continued complaining about the continued existence of such stereotypical behavior. In about 50 years, everything will be alright. Just wait. Oh, I am sure there are east-indian men who are capable of being just a friend to you. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/18 "2004-02-13T02:19:57Z")
> [@Elenia25](#): > > cowgirl, tdn, and featherlou can \*all \* come over at once. Actually maybe we better go to one of your houses because if two people get into my kitchen we’re stepping on each other’s feet. Anybody have a real big kitchen where we can all get together and cook up a huge meal? > \ WOOHOO! Authentic East Indian dinner at **Elenia’s**! Or somebody’s! ---
**Author:** ![Aankh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@Aankh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aankh)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/19 "2004-02-13T04:27:06Z")
I feel your pain, **Elenia25**. I’m only 23, and already my parents have started questioning me discreetly about my male friends. And by ‘discreetly’ I mean “What does he do?”, “What do his parents do?”, “How much does he earn?”, “Is he planning on settling down soon?”. No, Mamma, I’m completely unable to figure out where this line of questioning is going… :rolleyes: India is changing, you know. Where a few years ago a male-female interaction was most often met with nudge-nudge-wink-wink, it’s getting a lot more open-minded now. Many people still have the a more traditional mindset, though, which explains all your exciting “howdoyoudo-whatsyourname-willyoumarry me” experiences. We have some fine, sensible Indian guys on the boards here you might want to meet. (Where are they? ::Hollers for **gouda** , **xash** , **maleinblack** and the rest to come out of the woodwork:: ) > [@Elenia25](#): > > Why oh why doesn’t home-made cheese stick together? And why does it taste yummy anyway so I’m left with yummy-tasting but terrible-looking crumbly cheese and even yummy-tasting sauce? Possible reasons: 1. You’re not washing the boiled residue with _coooold_ water. 2. You’re not letting _all_ the whey drain out. 3. You’re not putting a weight on the dried out residue so it can settle. 4. You’re not refrigerating it for a while so it can harden. That help any? ---
**Author:** ![ramesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d07c76/32.png) [@ramesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ramesh)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844/20 "2004-02-13T04:59:28Z")
Ok, Ill bite. Single East Indian in the US here. Lets just say you didnt mention in your ads that you werent involved and that you werent just looking for a pen-pal. If I were interested in more than a pen pal, I will contact you and see how it goes. _If_ I think I like the person you are (your cooking skills are immaterial), I will then try to push it further, maybe exclusivity. However, you say you mention you are involved and that you only looking for a pen-pal. If were the forward person I am not, I will write to you and hope to strike a friendship. But under _no_ circumstances will I try to push it further. You laid the rules in your ad, I will obey them. I can think of two possibilities. One, these guys are trying to be funny and are saying things that hit a raw nerve. Maybe they are trying to be _nice_? (Why the hell _musnt_ you be pretty?). Two, maybe your ad attracts idiots or jerks only. _shrug_ I dont know; Probably there are a bunch of guys that are search the web for ads from Indian girls, chat them up and then propose for kicks. Personally, if I meet a girl, after a few minutes I _do_ look at her from a possible relationship point of view. Cant help it. Must be the harmones. If it looks like it isnt going to work, I see if the girl has a sense of humor or is great company or is a good cook (we grad indian students will do _anything_, and I mean _anything_, to get home cooked meals.) If yes for any of the above, I will try to keep contact. Coming to your Q, I was a big misfit in India (whereas here, I just fit in :-)) but I noticed if a girl and a boy hang out, it leads to the assumption of them being a couple. However, if they hang out as groups, absolutely _nothing_ is assumed. The whole group are seen as a circle of friends. Does that count as “adult men and adult women can be friends”? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-east-indian-men/228844.md?page=2)