# Calling All Lawyers!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [April 7, 2003, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982 "2003-04-07T03:03:18Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Jinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jinx)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2003, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/1 "2003-04-07T03:03:18Z")
Here’s a golden opportunity! Let’s file a class-action suit against Scantron, the computer-testing people used in many of our schools! The damn computers have never worked right when my class of 1985 started with them in 1982. And, they’re still crap! But now, these machines have become too commonplace - without any safeguards to reconcile the Scantron results!
Think of all the students whose grades and self-esteem have been ruined by Scantron! What a crock! - Jinx :mad:
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### Author:  [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2003, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/2 "2003-04-07T03:16:35Z")
Good luck finding a lawyer. I bet they are busy spending their [$13,000 per hour legal fees](http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/News/0A6EAFF2BE92199386256CFF00750F1D?OpenDocument&Headline=Record+legal+fee+averages+to+%2413,100+an+hour).
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### Author:  [@Jinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jinx)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2003, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/3 "2003-04-07T03:20:43Z")
Yeah, but I is a public high school grad-u-ate! I can’t count that high! So, they’ll have to make an exception for me! 😃 - Jinx
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2003, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/4 "2003-04-07T04:11:07Z")
Eeeewww…I HATE scantron! Half the time the bubbles would be fucked up because the questions were numbered wrong.
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### Author:  [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/5 "2003-04-07T14:25:08Z")
You folks actually went to a school that PAID to use a scantron machine? The HS I went to would buy the scantron forms but then the teachers would make little cutouts they could overlay the scantron sheet over and grade your test.
It ended up saving the school a hell of a lot of money.
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### Author:  [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2003, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/6 "2003-04-07T15:03:59Z")
I read the OP three times trying to figure out why someone wanted to sue a town in Pennsylvania.
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### Author:  [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/7 "2003-04-07T16:19:04Z")
I’m a lawyer, but a kid named Kevin Jinx rear ended me a few years ago and destroyed my car, so I’m afraid that you are out of luck due to your username.
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### Author:  [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/8 "2003-04-07T16:30:51Z")
Oh man he hit and totalled a LAWYER’S car! :eek:
If you’re a personal injury attourney I bet he was SCREWED!
_runs away to avoid the lawsuit_
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### Author:  [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2003, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/9 "2003-04-07T16:52:44Z")
I am a lawyer, but spurious class-action suits are not my gig. How about a nice securities offering or a nice mergers and acquisitions deal instead? We can do a hostile deal, then run them into the ground (kind of like the Sprint-MCI deal. . . .).
BTW: I hated those stupid scantron sheets- if you missed one question in the order, the rest of the test was messed up.
I always felt like Tweak from South Park filling one of those forms: “Ah man, I can’t get them out of order, so many bubbles, what number I am on, AHHHHHHHHH I CAN’T TAKE THE PRESSURE!!!”
Stupid Scantrons. . . .
:mad:
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### Author:  [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/10 "2003-04-07T19:19:39Z")
I’m a lawyer. And I’m here to help.
You’re obviously distraught. Lie down and put this on your forehead. It’s my business card. It will make you feel better.
Now close your eyes while I rummage through your wallet.
**Siddhartha Vicious** , Esq. (who also hated scantrons)
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### Author:  [@Robb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robb)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/11 "2003-04-07T19:56:11Z")
I’ve always wanted to get into spurious class actions.
But I don’t think I’ll take this one - I can’t see how it will pay $13,000/hour in fees.
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### Author:  [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2003, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/12 "2003-04-07T23:30:31Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by CRorex \*
> \*\*Oh man he hit and totalled a LAWYER’S car! :eek:
>
> If you’re a personal injury attourney I bet he was SCREWED!
> _runs away to avoid the lawsuit_ \*\*
Nah, insurance covered it. Seeing as it was his first time out behind the wheel without anyone supervising him, and it was his dad’s brand new Delta 88 that he totalled (I had to pull him out from behind the motor), I expect his dad had something to say to him.
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### Author:  [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2003, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/13 "2003-04-08T00:53:29Z")
For one class I took in Monterey, there was a safeguard in place: the instructor reviewed the answers in class with us (except for the final, which he reviewed on request during his office hours–_after_ the exam was graded, of course). For those questions where the scantron machine didn’t work correctly, the instructor made the appropriate adjustments.
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### Author:  [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/14 "2003-04-08T01:09:48Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Otto \*
> \*\*I read the OP three times trying to figure out why someone wanted to sue a town in Pennsylvania. \*\*
Conspiracy to cause a banana shortage?
Let’s see who else is an old fart and gets this.
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### Author:  [@Estilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Estilicon)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2003, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/15 "2003-04-08T01:27:39Z")
I am a lawyer!!! (I recently joined the fraternity of evil). Now can I realize why Brutus is such an angry guy he was screwed by a collegue.
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### Author:  [@Robb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robb)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2003, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/16 "2003-04-08T14:11:41Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Let’s see who else is an old fart and gets this.
Some of us younger farts understand it. It was those banana Newton commercials, right?
It was funny how he had named the only man who could save him now.
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### Author:  [@HighSky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HighSky)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/17 "2003-04-08T15:13:18Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Otto \*
> \*\*I read the OP three times trying to figure out why someone wanted to sue a town in Pennsylvania. \*\*
Must not be a fan of that freshman from syracuse, Gerry MacNamara.
Of course i’d wanna sue my city too. It sucks.
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### Author:  [@paperbackwriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paperbackwriter)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/18 "2003-04-08T22:30:04Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by manhattan \*
> \*\*Conspiracy to cause a banana shortage?
>
> Let’s see who else is an old fart and gets this. \*\*
NOOOOOO! I’m too young to be an old fart already!
::wanders off miserably singing "WOLD’ to himself::
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### Author:  [@Spavined\_Gelding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spavined_Gelding)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2003, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/19 "2003-04-09T02:42:13Z")
Let me provide you with the standard, school approved, tried and tested, lawyerlike answer to your question:
“Would you care to step into my office and discuss this?”
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### Author:  [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2003, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-lawyers/166982/20 "2003-04-09T03:55:40Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by manhattan \*
> \*\*Conspiracy to cause a banana shortage?
>
> Let’s see who else is an old fart and gets this. \*\*
I’m seeing a truck… a spill of some sort… it’s a foggy image (much like the weather on the way to my in-laws in Allentown 😃 ).
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