# Calling All Single Mothers By Choice **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 3, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490 "2010-09-03T14:35:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490/101 "2010-09-08T17:02:10Z")
Yes, it’s a terrible thing for a child to grow up wanted and loved, if it’s by only one parent. The horror! Dio, do you realize that you’re essentially saying “It’s better to not be born than to be born into less than perfect circumstances”? Because once again, that’s fucked up. ---
**Author:** ![AmericanMaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@AmericanMaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmericanMaid)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490/102 "2010-09-08T17:03:02Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > **AmericanMaid** , could you explain to me why the need for a baby? I asked earlier and got a response (thanks, **suranyi**!), but I’d also like one from you. I’m not judging - I have two kids and, now that I have them, feel like I’d be missing an important part of myself if they weren’t there. But, I have trouble understanding kids as part of a five-year plan. > > My problem is this: having a five-year plan assumes finite goals. Financial stability – check. Weight loss, good habits achieved for future weight management – check. Have kid – check? I suppose you could consider the act of having the kid a check in the box, but (and I know you know this, but I think it bears repeating) once you have the kid, you also have a lifetime responsibility. > > And, while you’ve certainly accounted for the financial side of having a kid and the importance of your health, it seems like in preparation of having a kid, especially having a kid on your own, if you must have a checklist or five-year plan, establishing a firm and practically unbreakable social network is just as important to your health and that of the child’s as your finances and weight loss. > > So I’m not saying, “Don’t do it! Think of the child!” But I am a little confused about the idea of a five-year plan with no plans to build in the support you’d need to raise a kid. Normally that’s achieved by a husband or wife, but in this case, it doesn’t look like that’s a concern for you. So how would you go about that, and if you don’t plan to have that network in place, why not? My entire life I have wanted to be a mother. I can’t say the same for being married/being a wife. When I was 24 I almost died and was hospitalized for a while. It took me years to recover from that and I had to face hard facts to say goodbye to some assumptions about my life. For a while I thought having a baby would not be possible. Then there was a flurry of babies/pregnancies in my family so I decided to get a professionals opinion. Lo and behold, I can have a kid! Hence my current baby mania, a stifled dream come to life. Oh, my checklist is just for quantifiable goals (I have an Excel workbook and everything) but building a support network is deifinitely a huge must-have. It’s like a lifelong campaign to have and keep good people around me. When I was hospitalized when I was 24, my extended family were all amazing and helpful so I know I have their love and support. Maybe facing my mortality at such a young age is making me work harder at achieving dreams rather than banking regrets? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490/103 "2010-09-08T17:11:01Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Yes, it’s a terrible thing for a child to grow up wanted and loved, if it’s by only one parent. The horror! > > Dio, do you realize that you’re essentially saying “It’s better to not be born than to be born into less than perfect circumstances”? Because once again, that’s fucked up. How is not being born a thing that can happen to anybody? We’re also talking about a negative circumstance which is being forced on the kid completely gratuitously. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490/104 "2010-09-08T17:17:57Z")
No, we’re talking about a less than ideal circumstance, which is what pretty much everybody in the world lives with in some way. Really, if you’d stop projecting your rather excellent opinion of yourself onto fathers the world over, you’d realize that no one is indispensable, and that plenty of people suffer no ill effects of being raised by only one parent (of either gender), provided it’s a loving, attentive, able parent. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490/105 "2010-09-08T18:07:32Z")
> [@AmericanMaid](#): > > My entire life I have wanted to be a mother. I can’t say the same for being married/being a wife. When I was 24 I almost died and was hospitalized for a while. It took me years to recover from that and I had to face hard facts to say goodbye to some assumptions about my life. For a while I thought having a baby would not be possible. Then there was a flurry of babies/pregnancies in my family so I decided to get a professionals opinion. Lo and behold, I can have a kid! Hence my current baby mania, a stifled dream come to life. > > Oh, my checklist is just for quantifiable goals (I have an Excel workbook and everything) but building a support network is deifinitely a huge must-have. It’s like a lifelong campaign to have and keep good people around me. When I was hospitalized when I was 24, my extended family were all amazing and helpful so I know I have their love and support. Maybe facing my mortality at such a young age is making me work harder at achieving dreams rather than banking regrets? Ok. Thanks for answering the question. It’s good that you have support. I’m guessing you trust them to help you in any way you may need, right? And you’re not ruling out the possibility of a relationship, right? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490/106 "2010-09-08T18:45:17Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > No, we’re talking about a less than ideal circumstance Which is being imposed gratuitously. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490/107 "2010-09-08T18:52:28Z")
So what? Lots of people ‘gratuitously’ impose less than ideal circumstances on their kids. Maybe they work 60 hours a week. Maybe they have some minor but hereditary health issues. Maybe they get the whole family together on Sundays to watch Monster Trucks. Everybody’s got shit to deal with. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490/108 "2010-09-08T18:56:42Z")
Those first two things are not gratuitous. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490/109 "2010-09-08T19:03:39Z")
Sure they are. You don’t HAVE to have kids, so I don’t see how it’s more acceptable to abandon them to daycare or pass on your hideous varicose veins than it is to raise them alone. ---
**Author:** ![AmericanMaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@AmericanMaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmericanMaid)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490/110 "2010-09-08T19:10:17Z")
Sweet Jesus, can you two take this to the Pit? I have asked the Mods to lock this topic since it has served its purpose and then some. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490/111 "2010-09-08T20:05:12Z")
What a shock. Reproductive choices, motherhood, less-than-ideal childhoods, poverty - potential or otherwise - and obesity … topics that never fail to rile folks up around here. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490/112 "2010-09-08T20:07:48Z")
**Moderator Comment** I realize that the name of this forum is In My Humble **Opinion** , and an OP should be prepared for any and all opinionated resplies, but it’s obvious that some people haven’t bothered to read the OP, which solicits input from single parents. Anybody wanting to criticize the choice of single parenthood can start a new thread in the Pit, or in GD as appropriate. In the meantime, I’m closing this thread at the request of the OP, its initial purpose having been served. No warnings or mod notes issued. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-all-single-mothers-by-choice/552490.md?page=5)