# Calling the cops on your child. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 7, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871 "2010-07-07T15:59:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/81 "2010-07-07T19:53:48Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > I’m also agog at the thought that father-son hitting/shoving/whatever is anything in the realm of sort of normal or acceptable. The only time I know of this happening among people I know was an emotionally and physically abusive father hitting his family. Curious. While I would certainly never encourage fathers hitting their sons out of anger, and it is undoubtedly far from universal, in my experience it is certainly not unheard of for a son to get cracked after he does something especially stupid or says something especially provocative. I can think of any number of friends who would say their dads smacked them on at least one occasion, and I don’t think any of them would consider their dads to have been abusive. (I am not including the 3 friends whose dad’s were abusive drunks.) ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/82 "2010-07-07T19:55:14Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > I’m also agog at the thought that father-son hitting/shoving/whatever is anything in the realm of sort of normal or acceptable. The only time I know of this happening among people I know was an emotionally and physically abusive father hitting his family; he tried to punch his then-teenage son, who caught the punch and snarled that he’d better never try anything like that again. You lead delicate lives. This sort of thing happens all the time. It even happened to the ex-President of the United States GW Bush and his dad when they almost got into it when Bush came home drunk one night in his college years. Bush challenged his dad to take him on. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/83 "2010-07-07T19:57:10Z")
Or alternatively, you know some… indelicate people. Honestly, W is not an excellent example of how classy people handle things. Rich, yes. Classy, no. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/84 "2010-07-07T20:01:43Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > Functionally my assault wasn’t substantially different from being “shoved over a chair,” and yes, it was still fucking scary. I was walking home, a teenage girl decided to mug me for kicks, and out of nowhere I was on the ground because someone had shoved me from behind. Then she started beating me around my head and shoulders with her hands, because unfortunately for her, she shoved me so I fell on top of my purse. > > You know what? She was an incompetent criminal, and aside from bruises and scraped knees and a knot on my head, nothing she did was actually painful. I was still scared, _because_ she attacked me, violently, unexpectedly, with no provocation whatsoever. You were attacked by someone you did not know, shoved from behind by someone [I presume] you had not seen outside of your home. The dad was engaged in a face-to-face confrontation with a family member in his house. Once you were down, your attacker beat you around the head and shoulders. There is no reference of the son touching the dad after the initial shove. You were the victim of someone intending to commit a crime against you - steal your purse. I see no reason to believe the son wanted to commit a crime against the dad, or do anything other than to get out of there with his pot. I see nothing to suggest that the son’s push was pre-meditated. You incurred bruises and scraped knees. There is no mention of the father incurring even these relatively minor injuries. Yeah - you’re right. The two situations are downright indistinguishable! ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/85 "2010-07-07T20:09:40Z")
> [@astro](#): > > You lead delicate lives. This sort of thing happens all the time. It even happened to the ex-President of the United States GW Bush and his dad when they almost got into it when Bush came home drunk one night in his college years. Bush challenged his dad to take him on. The younger Bush was also an alcoholic, which might lead to some very poor choices regarding alcohol and relationships in general. That being said, if you insist this is common, I’ll just say I’m glad I had no brothers while growing up. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/86 "2010-07-07T20:09:53Z")
> [@astro](#): > > You lead delicate lives. This sort of thing happens all the time. It even happened to the ex-President of the United States GW Bush and his dad when they almost got into it when Bush came home drunk one night in his college years. Bush challenged his dad to take him on. Just because this sort of thing happens all the time doesn’t mean it’s appropriate, acceptable, legal, or even on the same planet as, say, spanking a toddler. And I asked four guys of my acquaintance and they looked at me like I was crazy and asked if I was watching the kind of movies where the dads are always drunks and the sons always fix cars. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/87 "2010-07-07T20:12:23Z")
> [@astro](#): > > You lead delicate lives. This sort of thing happens all the time. It even happened to the ex-President of the United States GW Bush and his dad when they almost got into it when Bush came home drunk one night in his college years. Bush challenged his dad to take him on. One can only imagine how things might’ve been different for all of us had Poppy dropped a dime on the little shaver. I suppose it’s intellectually lazy to use my own experience as a guide, but if I’d ever raised my hand to my father I have no doubt that he’d have called the cops and that I’d have spent some time staring at cracks in the inside of a cell---- and as luck would have it, I never did and he never had to. Coincidence? ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/88 "2010-07-07T20:17:43Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Yeah - you’re right. The two situations are downright indistinguishable! Interesting that you don’t address the actual act of violence itself, as I did (“shoved over a chair”). Shove which results in a fall, vs. shove which results in a fall. In both cases coming from someone who clearly feels that violence is an acceptable means of getting what they want. Why yes, radically different. :dubious: You did get that I said it wasn’t the injuries that made it scary, it was the fact that she _tried_ to harm me? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/89 "2010-07-07T20:17:56Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Just because this sort of thing happens all the time doesn’t mean it’s appropriate, acceptable, legal, or even on the same planet as, say, spanking a toddler. And I asked four guys of my acquaintance and they looked at me like I was crazy and asked if I was watching the kind of movies where the dads are always drunks and the sons always fix cars. No one is saying it’s appropriate or acceptable, but it’s not that uncommon and it usually doesn’t call for a police response unless the problem is chronic or there are serious injuries. It’s definitely typically more of a working class thing. If you ask a bunch of suburban, middle and upper middle class college grads you will likely get the response you got. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/90 "2010-07-07T20:20:16Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > Explain, then. I was shoved, and fell to the ground as a result. Dad was shoved, and fell to the ground as a result. How is this not the same thing? > > One could even argue that being shoved over a chair is more violent, given the increased possibility of striking the chair on the way down and getting additional injuries from that as well as from landing on the ground. Not to answer for him but sine I was about to ask you the same question… In your anecdote, this was an unprovoked assault by an unknown to you assaillant. This is substantianlly different than an argument with your teenaged son, to which we only have scant evidence of what was said. ---
**Author:** ![In\_Winnipeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a8b319/32.png) [@In\_Winnipeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Winnipeg)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/91 "2010-07-07T20:24:06Z")
Any child who raises a hand against their parent should be ashamed of themselves, whatever the reason. However, such an action shows that certain chickens have come home to roost, i.e. that the child wasn’t raised to respect their elders, not to mention their own parents. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/92 "2010-07-07T20:24:15Z")
Stuffy, see my last response. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/93 "2010-07-07T20:27:39Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > This creates another interesting question - how common is it for fathers and sons to come to blows during a fight/disagreement? > > . While not universal, I’ve seen it litterally a dozen or more times. I’ve had more than one of my sons’ friends jockeying the couch overnight to allow cooler heads to prevail. Fuck I’ve got a spiel for it. ---
**Author:** ![Cyningablod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc29f/32.png) [@Cyningablod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyningablod)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/94 "2010-07-07T20:30:09Z")
The dad was ABSOLUTELY right. Calling the cops was the thing to do. Especially given that an assault [!] was involved. **billfish678** has made the point I was going to. IMHO, those of you who are talking about the father “betraying” the family, or about minors in trouble needing special family intervention outside of and away from police involvement, or about family member-on-family member “touching in anger” not being atypical and not requiring a police call, or about the police being big ol’ meanies, or about any other such namby-pamby non-sequitirs, are ignoring the high likelihood that if this father allowed his son to a) deal drugs and b) assault someone (ANYONE!) without swiftly involving the police, then he is enabling the behavior, endangering himself and others, and ultimately “betraying” his own son by not getting him the legal intervention that he desperately needs at this early point. Part of good parenting (and good citizenship in general) is letting your kid get “corrected” by the criminal justice system when s/he needs it! And yes, I’m a parent. If I had been the dad, I’d have called the cops, and slept soundly and peacefully that same night (at least about my decision, if not about the situation). ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/95 "2010-07-07T20:31:00Z")
Kaio - as I see it the fact that someone made contact with both of you causing the both of you to fall to the ground pretty much exhausts the similarities. While in contrast, the differences are more numerous and more significant. So it appears we greatly disagree on this. That is fine. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/96 "2010-07-07T20:39:57Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Kaio - as I see it the fact that someone made contact with both of you causing the both of you to fall to the ground pretty much exhausts the similarities. While in contrast, the differences are more numerous and more significant. > > So it appears we greatly disagree on this. That is fine. Okay, but I have to honestly say that I can’t imagine that Dad wasn’t afraid when his kid suddenly shoved him over a chair. Frankly, I think I’d find it _more_ frightening if someone I was close to did it, since it would mean that not only was someone trying to hurt me (whether they succeed or not), but whatever personal, emotional connection we have between us was _not enough to stop them from wanting to._ That’s a whole 'nother level of violent mindset. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/97 "2010-07-07T20:43:38Z")
> [@astro](#): > > No one is saying it’s appropriate or acceptable, but it’s not that uncommon and it usually doesn’t call for a police response unless the problem is chronic or there are serious injuries. It’s definitely typically more of a working class thing. If you ask a bunch of suburban, middle and upper middle class college grads you will likely get the response you got. My boyfriend’s from a very blue collar white trash background, actually. I asked him what he’d think if his teenage brother shoved his dad over a chair and he said he’d call the cops himself, or if the opposite happened. I didn’t even ask about the possession-with-intent-to-distribute issue. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/98 "2010-07-07T20:46:35Z")
This is what I do for one of my jobs, oversee and administrate youth diversion. The father’s response was exactly the right one. The kid is seriously out of control. The shove over the chair could have had serious consequences for the father. Nothing the father could have done at that point would have made a bit of difference to the son. In my city, the kid would be assigned to juvenile diversion and anger management classes/therapy. As a first offense, he’d probably not serve any time whatsoever, and his record would be wiped clean at 18. It’s unlikely he’d be charged with dealing. I get cases like this all the time. Getting picked up is the only thing that has any effect on the teens. Until the system gets involved, the teen thinks nothing will happen to them because it’s just all in the family. They really don’t understand the ramifications of their actions. I seriously wonder about how much physical conflict there’s been between the dad and the son. If there’s been ANY before this on the part of the father, he’s got to realize where it has led. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/99 "2010-07-07T20:48:44Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > This creates another interesting question - how common is it for fathers and sons to come to blows during a fight/disagreement? Some things are bad, other things are Bad, and some things are almost unimaginable. It would no more have occurred to me to raise my hand to my father than that my father would hit my mother. Some things I can understand on an intellectual level, but they have no resonance. They are not emotionally real. Kids assume, deep down inside, that whatever they experienced on a day-to-day level in their childhood is how tings “really” are. I didn’t realize ow blessed I was in that until I saw some other families, and how they related to each other. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/100 "2010-07-07T20:51:45Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > My boyfriend’s from a very blue collar white trash background, actually. I asked him what he’d think if his teenage brother shoved his dad over a chair and he said he’d call the cops himself, or if the opposite happened. I didn’t even ask about the possession-with-intent-to-distribute issue. Through scouting I’m familiar with a lot of father and son dynamics from under class to upper class and every flavor in between. I’m not questioning your veracity, but this definitive “I’d call the cops” response to a physical confrontation between father and son is not typical in my experience. Especially working class fathers and sons. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871.md?page=6)