# Calling the cops on your child. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 7, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871 "2010-07-07T15:59:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![cuberdon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/45deac/32.png) [@cuberdon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuberdon)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/101 "2010-07-07T21:01:55Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > I guess you either missed or totally ignored my post #46 where I layed out the risks the son placed upon the family by leaving with the pot. Dinsdale, did I miss your reply to this? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/102 "2010-07-07T21:17:21Z")
Selling? He’s history. The Dad is right. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/103 "2010-07-07T21:23:49Z")
> [@astro](#): > > No one is saying it’s appropriate or acceptable, but it’s not that uncommon and it usually doesn’t call for a police response unless the problem is chronic or there are serious injuries. The fact that there were no serious injuries is simply due to luck. The dad could just have easily hit his head or broken a wrist. If the son had only been dealing/smoking, that would have been one thing. The shoving and running is delinquency territory. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/104 "2010-07-07T21:33:54Z")
I think the interesting thing is this. A good fraction think calling the cops was a damn good idea. Another good fraction think it at least has merit. A few are undecided. And a small overall fraction thinks it was probably a bad idea (and that mainly because it COULD have a bad outcome, not so much on the principle involved). So, if the OP want to relay this back to the wife and family, they can certainly say a significant majority thinks it was the RIGHT thing to do, and a small minority thinks it was the wrong thing to do. So, if the OP’s relatives are looking for a chorus of “what the hell was he thinking? BAD BAD man!” they certainly arent going to get it here (at least based upon current information so far). ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/105 "2010-07-07T21:36:47Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Calling the cops isn’t necessarily a negative thing. I haven’t had to do it, and hope I never do, but sometimes it’s the only way to get help for your child, and can result in very positive changes in people’s lives, in the end. It’s better than standing back and letting young kids make stupid choices and get away with it and ruin their lives. And it gives the kid an excuse not to do it again, an excuse he can use for himself or with his friends. “Hey! You want this pot sold, you do it. Last time I tried, my dad turned me in and I spent a week in jail. I’m still getting texts from Bubba.” (And if his friends realize he’s so bad at it, maybe they won’t ask him again.) ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/106 "2010-07-07T21:37:10Z")
Another vote for the Dad, because of being attacked. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/107 "2010-07-07T21:53:23Z")
I won’t make a definitive call on the right or wrong of the dad’s response, but [here’s some interesting data if you’d like to pass it on to your brother-in-law](http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=under-threat-women-bond). > [@](#): > > When we’re under immediate stress—say, we are about to give a speech or about to be mugged—we either fight or flee, or so scientists have long preached. But some psychologists are now suggesting that this scenario may apply mainly to males. Men get antisocial under pressure, but women tend to react in the opposite way: they “tend and befriend,” engaging in nurturing and social networking, perhaps as a way to protect their offspring When your brother-in-law and his wife(your wife’s sister I assume) were in this stressful situation with their son, her mental wiring may have been encouraging her to bond with him, protect him, understand him. The man’s wiring may have been leading him to dominate or run away from his son. When you shift both of them away from their baseline normal reactions, when unstressed, their compatibility may seem to be in serious jeopardy, but when they return to a less stressed state, they may be able to find the common ground again. In any case, I would counsel him to engage with his wife and son as soon as possible. If we had to choose some synthesis of the two responses to stress that nature seems to have equipped us with, I think the female one is going to be more conducive to long term happiness within a modern society, as long as it is tempered with the understanding that forgiveness relies on behavior changes as well. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/108 "2010-07-07T22:05:04Z")
The pot alone would not merit a call. Not even selling it merits a call. It’s just pot, so who cares. The violence is a different story, though. That’s not acceptable no matter what. If the wife was that quick to take off, I have to wonder if maybe there had been some other festering issues leading up to this. I find it hard to believe that this and this alone would be enough to cause a wife to split on her husband. Incidentally, just to be clear, is this a stepfather situation, or is this the kid’s actual father? ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/109 "2010-07-07T22:11:26Z")
There’s two sides to every story. I agree with both the family and the dad. However, history is very important here. Has the son hit the dad before? Has there been a history of a lack of discipline? There’s a lot more information needed before I could make a judgment call. However, as an aside: as long as the son is under 18, I don’t think it would be as damaging to his future. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/110 "2010-07-07T22:17:25Z")
Pot - no Little bags of pot - possibly Violence - hell yeah. I’m with dad on this one. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/111 "2010-07-07T22:18:52Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > Why? > > A bag of pot.. no call. A bag of pot clearly packaged in a way that indicates it’s ready for selling.. possibly a call, depending on how the kid responded. > > Pushing me over a chair, grabbing ready-to-be-sold pot, and running off? Hells yeah, that’s a phone call. > > Pot smokers are not known for their tendency toward violence. Statistically they’re not the ones out robbing people for a fix, or beating the shit out of people when they’re high. The nephew’s physical response points to a larger issue that I would have no problem involving the police in. This. Add to this that dealing out of his parent’s house could mean forfeiture if the house is raided. I agree with DIO that his wife probably had other issues if she was so quick to bolt. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/112 "2010-07-07T22:20:37Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > However, as an aside: as long as the son is under 18, I don’t think it would be as damaging to his future. I deleted this thought from my original comment but it might be better that he get a taste of what drug dealers can expect in court. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/113 "2010-07-07T22:22:39Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > The pot alone would not merit a call. Not even selling it merits a call. It’s just pot, so who cares. :dubious: I guess you’ve missed that whole “war on drugs” fad lately? The one where people can be sent for jail for long periods of time, folks get killed over it, people’s careers are ruined, homes confiscated, family savings wipped out… And, thats not even bring up the personal problems of addiction. One of my dipshit relatives (though an adult) got convicted of low level drug dealing. Mucho denero got spent keeping (wrongly IMO) his ass outa jail. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/114 "2010-07-07T22:28:48Z")
We’re just talking about pot, though. Pot is harmless. The only thing that causes problems with pot is that it’s illegal. I’m not going to participate in enforcing any pot laws. If it was crack or meth, I’d feel differently. ---
**Author:** ![Cyningablod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc29f/32.png) [@Cyningablod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyningablod)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/115 "2010-07-07T22:56:27Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Pot is harmless. Inhaling smoke is “harmless”? :eek: 😕 Very few things in this world are literally _harmless_. McDonald’s french fries, for Chrissake, aren’t _harmless_. I oppose the criminalization of marijuana, too, but Jeez, let’s not overstate things, 'K? [Don’t mean to hijack. Please carry on.] ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/116 "2010-07-07T23:19:46Z")
> [@astro](#): > > this definitive “I’d call the cops” response to a physical confrontation between father and son is not typical in my experience. Especially working class fathers and sons. I agree with you astro. I know a lot of working-class families, and a little shoving (and sometimes more) among the guys is indeed common. A lot of times it’s just roughousing but I can imagine if one of these sons pushed their dad they’d get a harder push right back. It would not occur to them to call the law, unless someone was uncontrollable. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/117 "2010-07-07T23:32:40Z")
> [@LouiseE](#): > > Dinsdale, did I miss your reply to this? Uh - was it directed at me? Anyways, I looked back, and consider it speculative at best. > [@](#): > > What if Dad did not call the cops? And then the kid shortly gets busted for possible dealing. What if he got caught for ACTUALLY dealing? The cops/DA would most likely go way harder on the kid if he was caught that way rather than being ratted out by his Dad. And what if the cops come back to the house and find other stashes? Now, dad, his career, the family home, pretty much everything is at great risk. If the cops/DA wanted to make an example of wayward DAD and son for being dealers everybody and everything could be ROYALLY screwed. I think it is pure speculation that the authorities would be easier or harder on the kid under one or the other situation. Yeah - I consider most forfeiture laws horrible, but they are the law and are serious as death. So maybe I would search the kid’s room while waiting for him to come back. His actions certainly removed any expectation he might have to privacy in the family home. If the kid were arrested, I’m not at all sure they would have probable cause to search the house. If the kid were arrested, I would presume the parents would be notified, and would have time to decide what to do before a warrant were issued. Personally, I could imagine asking my kid when in jail to be up front with me as to whether there was any need to see if the toilets needed to be flushed out. And I would contact a lawyer to find out what my actual exposure might be. Sure, there might be some risk. But I think it miniscule, and far outweighed by the benefits of sleeping on it, waiting for the kid to get home, and seeing how things look in the light of a new day. And the potential harm most likely less than would occur after I called the cops on my kid. The next day, if dad wants to call the cops, see if he can legally kick the kid out of the house, seek counseling, or fire one up with the kid, he could still do what he wants. I just tend to think that as a general rule if i, my family, and my most valuable possessions are not in imminent danger, and if I do not need to cover my ass immediately, it is best not to involve the authorities when I have just learned of a situation and emotions are running hot. Just my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/118 "2010-07-07T23:35:18Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > I agree with you astro. I know a lot of working-class families, and a little shoving (and sometimes more) among the guys is indeed common. A lot of times it’s just roughousing but I can imagine if one of these sons pushed their dad they’d get a harder push right back. It would not occur to them to call the law, unless someone was uncontrollable. It wasn’t just a push, it was a drug dealing child retaking his merchandise. Dealing drugs ramps up the situation considerably. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/119 "2010-07-07T23:42:54Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > We’re just talking about pot, though. Pot is harmless. The only thing that causes problems with pot is that it’s illegal. I’m not going to participate in enforcing any pot laws. > > If it was crack or meth, I’d feel differently. Its the fact it IS ILLEGAL and dealing it DOUBLY SO thats one of the big problems here (or thats MO of how most people here see it). Or did you honestly think most people here were thinking “OMG, he was smoking some weed, call the cops!”? ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/120 "2010-07-07T23:48:42Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > If the kid were arrested, I’m not at all sure they would have probable cause to search the house. If the kid were arrested, I would presume the parents would be notified, and would have time to decide what to do before a warrant were issued. What if the kid (through general dumb-kid-ness) gives them permission to go in? I know that if one resident gives permission and another says no, they are allowed to search. I’m not sure what the rule would be if the one giving permission was underage, especially underage but old enough to make some decisions, like a high schooler. But unless you are 100% sure that your kid (or your wife!) would not let the police into your house, I wouldn’t rely on probable cause and a warrant. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871.md?page=7)