# Calling the cops on your child. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 7, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871 "2010-07-07T15:59:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![not\_alice](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_alice/32/7283_2.png) [@not\_alice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_alice)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/141 "2010-07-08T05:22:32Z")
> [@Algher](#): > > The kid is dealing. The question is, who does he owe money to? I wonder if the assault was fear for his own safety? This. There was something else going on, and a moment’s reflection probably could have found the common ground and solved the son’s involvement in one fell swoop. Hope Dad enjoys his new lonely life. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/142 "2010-07-08T05:28:28Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > And do what, kick his ass? He probably spared the kid his life because if he was willing to knock his dad down and take his drug inventory it was going to be a beat down. A beat down on who? Seriously a little physical altercation doesn’t have to be this life traumatizing thing. I’ve got into fights before with my friends, way worse than a little shove, and you know what happened - we got over it. Still friends to this day. Now if one of them had called the cops on me it might have been a different story. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/143 "2010-07-08T05:35:11Z")
> [@astro](#): > > If someone called the cops every time a dad and teenage son got into it the police would be very busy boys. Dads and sons are not strangers to each other and strong willed males will challenge for dominance, sometimes physically, as they grow older. You must come from a very different culture than I do. I have never, ever seen physical violence in my family and the idea of it seems outright absurd. I broke my back after someone shoved me from a distance not too far above chair height. It’s pure blind luck- a matter of inches- that I’m not paralyzed right now. I’m sure those guys were not trying to kill me, they just wanted something and felt like violence was a good way to get it. But they almost did kill me. “Just a little assault” is too much. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/144 "2010-07-08T06:21:58Z")
> [@Scotty Mo](#): > > A beat down on who? Seriously a little physical altercation doesn’t have to be this life traumatizing thing. I’ve got into fights before with my friends, way worse than a little shove, and you know what happened - we got over it. Still friends to this day. Now if one of them had called the cops on me it might have been a different story. A beat down on the son for assaulting his father over the idea of being punished for dealing drugs. My dad only spanked me twice in my life but if I’d done that he would have thrown me through a wall and then proceed to empty the entire contents of my room onto the front lawn. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/145 "2010-07-08T06:26:16Z")
> [@not\_alice](#): > > Hope Dad enjoys his new lonely life. The person in the wrong is the son, not the father. He burned a pretty big bridge. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/146 "2010-07-08T06:37:15Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > You must come from a very different culture than I do. I have never, ever seen physical violence in my family and the idea of it seems outright absurd. > > I broke my back after someone shoved me from a distance not too far above chair height. It’s pure blind luck- a matter of inches- that I’m not paralyzed right now. I’m sure those guys were not trying to kill me, they just wanted something and felt like violence was a good way to get it. > > But they almost did kill me. > > “Just a little assault” is too much. Siblings tussle with each other all the time and occasionally the parents have to wade in and take charge and this can involve some rough handling of the participants. It’s far more rare to have a child/parent physical confrontation once the child gets older, and these scenarios are usually avoided by both parties if at all possible, but there are situations where they do happen, especially where willful teenagers and fed up parents decide they are drawing lines. The fact that you are stunned and bewildered that these confrontations exist in the real world is interesting on several levels, but the fact is they happen all the time. They are especially apt to happen where there is a hard disagreement or schism between the parents as to what constitutes appropriate discipline, and the child is pushing every boundary possible to see where the line is located. While your experience of being seriously injured from being pushed is unfortunate it is fairly atypical of how these things turn out. Calling the police the first time one family member lays hands on another is a somewhat absurd over reaction unless it’s a chronic situation. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/147 "2010-07-08T07:36:06Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > Who turned on the family first? That. Another vote for Dad. ---
**Author:** ![figure9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@figure9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/figure9)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/148 "2010-07-08T11:34:10Z")
> [@](#): > > Is this his biological son or is he a step-dad? Biological father. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/149 "2010-07-08T12:52:20Z")
> [@figure9](#): > > For those who requested more info. My BIL works low paying jobs. Sometimes 2 jobs at once to afford a cheap apt. and a beat-up car. The son was not a problem and was doing well at school until last year when he started cutting classes to hang with his new “friends”. The dad could beat up the son in a fight, but is afraid he would go to jail if he did. My BIL has been trying to get the kid under control with groundings and talks/yelling. His wife however thinks the son should be catered to and un-grounds her child. Ahhh, it is as I and many others here suspected. Its the outa control kid, the enabling mom working hard to ruin her kid, and the straw that broke the camels back as far as Dad was concerned. My condolences to you and your BIL for having to deal with such baloney (to put it mildly). ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/150 "2010-07-08T13:10:20Z")
redundant, nevermind ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/151 "2010-07-08T13:22:25Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > So, your friends gave you money, which you then used to buy pot, divide it up, and give it to them in exchange for their money. Hey, guess what! You were selling pot! Nope, we were a [buying club or consortium.](http://www.buyingsupport.co.uk/Outsourcing.php)😃 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/152 "2010-07-08T13:32:27Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > Unless you are in immediate danger of death or serious bodily injury, never, never, never, never, never call the cops. Never. If you thought you had problems before, just wait until the cops make it worse for you. If you think that Andy Taylor is going to show up, talk for a little bit and make everything better, you are crazy. Don’t be surprised if YOUR life becomes the subject of an investigation. > > If you are concerned about the legal situation that the drugs in your home may cause, call a lawyer, not 911. If you have truly lost control of the kid, then consult with your spouse, and then call a lawyer. The police are not parents, and they are not your friends. > > ETA: I’m not blaming the police personally. They are hamstrung by the silly family laws that have take over as well. They are just following orders. This is my point of view here as well, and it is what I’ve taught my kids. It is also the POV of a friend of mine who is a 13 year veteran of the police force. I have known 2 guys who have called the cops on their kid. Both situations ended badly. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/153 "2010-07-08T13:45:28Z")
I just have to say I am amazed at the amount of people that think violence between father and son is OK on any level. I have lots of blue-collar and working class family - hell my entire mother’s side basically strives to be considered even blue collar, and they come from a culture where spanking is considered OK and even necessary and actual fighting between the father and son? Never never never. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/154 "2010-07-08T13:49:18Z")
> [@Scotty Mo](#): > > But what about the violence??? Come on people it’s a shove. Not a fist. No bloody noses, probably hardly even a bruise. It may be violence technically, but not really in my book. Mods, could we make this a sticky? At the next Dopefest, all are cordially invited to shove **Scotty Mo** backward over his chair onto the ground. It gets more hilarious with every pratfall, and he’s on record as saying it’s no big deal. Extra points for a concussion, cracked rib, fractured tailbone, or broken collarbone. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/155 "2010-07-08T14:00:58Z")
Reluctantly siding with Dad. Once the kid decided that violence was the best response, resolving it within the family became unrealistic. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Call_Me_Shirley)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/156 "2010-07-08T14:05:26Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Yeah, I know it’s illegal. I’m saying I DON"T CARE that it’s illegal. I thoight that was pretty obvious. It’s a stupid prohibition that I will have nothing to do with helping to enforce. I don’t know the law in Minnesota, but in Indiana the dad would be committing a felony if he knew his son was keeping drugs in the house and looked the other way because it was “just pot”. (Maintaining a Common Nuisance, IC 35-48-4-13(b)) If that were the law in Minnesota, would you still be so nonchalant about it? Are there many convicted felons in your line of work? ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/157 "2010-07-08T14:26:39Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > YOU may accept small chances of something really bad happening to hope for the better chance of something decently good happening, but many people, including me, aint taking that kind of chance. That’s cool. You make your choices, and I’lll make mine. In reality, the hard work is in putting in the hard work so that you don’t get to the point where you have to make this type of decision. From what the OP has posted, I’m not as critical of dad as I was absent the new info. Hell, if his kid was turning into a shit, and his wife was encouraging it, he might be better off without them. [QUOTE=jtagain] If you are concerned about the legal situation that the drugs in your home may cause, call a lawyer, not 911. [/QUOTE] I agree with this very much. In fact, even with the new info I hope I would have handled it in a way that did not involve the cops. I think there remained countless things to try to rehabilitate the family dynamic which would have a better chance of success than police involvement. ---
**Author:** ![Reloy3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c68b51/32.png) [@Reloy3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reloy3)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/158 "2010-07-08T15:20:37Z")
I’m with dad on this one. No real issue. Maybe the fact that the mom and her family are willing to isolate dad for doing the right thing may provide a clue as to how the son ended up like he did. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/159 "2010-07-08T15:43:07Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Just to reiterate: The dad was trying to make a decision, but the son took that away from him. He probably could have gotten just a stern talking to and grounded for a while, but his response to that possibility was to get violent and run off. **Domestic discipline only works when the child accepts it, which this kid did not**. And this is really the crux of the matter, being a stepfather to a wildly unruly 16 year old stepdaughter that does opiate pills, smokes dope, drinks booze, has promiscuous sex and openly and defiantly tells us “fuck you” to our faces (in front of our young boys), calls Mom a “cunt”, has punched holes in our drywall, etc. We’ve called the police on her several times when she gets this way. Its quite literally the only choice because if we didn’t, it would be ME the cops would be called on for putting a boot in her ass. Now she’s holed up with her Grandma in West Virginia, in the middle of nowhere with no friends, computer access or cellphone and nowhere to go, awaiting court papers for a juvie trial for staying out for three days and nights straight without permission (and us filing a missing persons report), testing positive for Oxycontin and destruction of property (our walls in our home). Now, my stepdaughter has multiple infractions with us (even threatening to kill us while we slept a couple years ago) so it makes sense for us to call the police. What we don’t know in this scenario is the backstory. Does this kid have a history of behavioral problems? Is this the very first time he’s ever been caught with drugs or assaulted his stepdad? What’s the relationship with Dad like? ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/160 "2010-07-08T15:50:29Z")
ETA: I made a mistake, the OP’s BIL is not the boy’s stepdad, he’s his father. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871.md?page=9)