# Calling the cops on your child. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 7, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871 "2010-07-07T15:59:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/161 "2010-07-08T16:02:42Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It’s just pot, so who cares. This is another prevailing attitude that I find disturbing. **Dio** , I know you have kids, and so do I. I would most certainly care if my kids were smoking dope when they were teenagers. No matter that I find it a less dangerous drug than alcohol, its _still_ a drug, it _is_ in fact harmful to your body and is still _illegal_. Now, in the OP’s scenario, I may not have called the police for the drugs alone, but there would certainly be counselling/drug treatment in the kid’s future. ---
**Author:** ![not\_alice](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_alice/32/7283_2.png) [@not\_alice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_alice)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/162 "2010-07-08T16:02:53Z")
I have to confess to being very surprised to see the number of people who would call the cops in this situation, and the reasons. Many are from unfamiliar names to me, but many are not and that doubles the surprise. To me, I think all of the “I am with Dad” responses are screaming “I don’t have any other family problem resources available but the cops”. It smacks of everything looking like a nail when the only tool you have is a hammer. While the OP is just an anecdote to us, the tenor of the responses is starting to look more like data to me. I feel vaguely disturbed and sad at the same time, this unexpected peek into people’s individual and hence our collective psyches. I am generally no fan of cops, but this thread sheds some interesting light on the bigger picture I suppose, both what cops deal with, and how society as a whole sets each of us up with problem solving skills. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/163 "2010-07-08T16:24:02Z")
> [@constanze](#): > > Not enough information - how’s the relationship between the kid and the parents before? Was this a spontaneous reaction, but otherwise the parents (the mother?) feel they can sit down with the kid and talk about it? > > The problem is, once you call the cops, you have in a way betrayed the kid … Of course this is the correct answer; am surprised it took till post #21 to see it. Is this a good kid who fell in with a bad crowd 2 months ago and needs lots of extra love right now? Or is this the last straw in a long streak of misbehavior? (Many Dopers show as INTJ (J=Judgemental) on the Myers Briggs Personality Test, while I’m INTP (P=Perceptive). You too, hunh, **constanze**? 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/164 "2010-07-08T16:41:33Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > Unless you are in immediate danger of death or serious bodily injury, never, never, never, never, never call the cops. Never. If you thought you had problems before, just wait until the cops make it worse for you. > [@kayaker](#): > > This is my point of view here as well, and it is what I’ve taught my kids. It is also the POV of a friend of mine who is a 13 year veteran of the police force. So when my car was stolen I should not have called the cops? Because getting my car back and the bastard caught is worse than me losing my car and having to buy a new and the bastard getting away? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/165 "2010-07-08T16:53:02Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I just have to say I am amazed at the amount of people that think violence between father and son is OK on any level. I have lots of blue-collar and working class family - hell my entire mother’s side basically strives to be considered even blue collar, and they come from a culture where spanking is considered OK and even necessary and actual fighting between the father and son? Never never never. Conflating the desire to handle first time inter family violence without police involvement to being “OK” with a father/son physical confrontation is a pretty far stretch, try not to pop a ligament. The police can certainly help some scenarios, but having your son arrested for assault and drug distribution for shoving you and grabbing his stash is pulling a very powerful trigger that can’t be unpulled, and essentially puts the entire family under the spot light of the police, the courts and social services. Maybe the kid will wake and fly right, maybe his enabling mother will protect him and turn him against his father, maybe it will all work out or maybe this is the rift that finally splits the family asunder. I’m not immune to the notion that the little shit should get what’s coming to him, but making the decision to hand him over to the police these days is not (as someone else said) like getting Sheriff Andy Taylor of Mayberry to talk to him. The police and the courts and social services will arrive at your door as a big 900 lb gorilla of intervention. It easily to prescribe hard action for a scenario that does not impact us, but if it’s your child and your family that is going to be put on that roller coaster you had best be damn sure your family can survive that ride intact before you pull that lever. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/166 "2010-07-08T17:10:55Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > A physical confrontation in order to regain drugs for sale crosses a serious line of discipline. I can’t imagine chasing after the kid and not have it turn out badly. Me either. > [@](#): > > I’m curious, how do you see it playing out? I don’t think we have enough information to say. I know some dads who would go after the kid, others who would lock the kid out, others who would wait until the next opportunity to confront the kid about it. > [@astro](#): > > It easily to prescribe hard action for a scenario that does not impact us, but if it’s your child and your family that is going to be put on that roller coaster you had best be damn sure your family can survive that ride intact before you pull that lever. Agreed. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/167 "2010-07-08T17:22:59Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Mods, could we make this a sticky? At the next Dopefest, all are cordially invited to shove **Scotty Mo** backward over his chair onto the ground. > > It gets more hilarious with every pratfall, and he’s on record as saying it’s no big deal. Extra points for a concussion, cracked rib, fractured tailbone, or broken collarbone. Yeah, go ahead. Doubt you’re gonna catch me at the next dopefest though. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/168 "2010-07-08T18:29:44Z")
> [@Tahssa](#): > > So when my car was stolen I should not have called the cops? This type of response is why when I agreed with this general sentiment I specified danger to either my family or my most valued possessions. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/169 "2010-07-08T18:32:04Z")
I got into this late, but whatever. I haven’t read the whole thread. I have been a pot smoker. If the kid had a bag of pot, that’s one thing. But he clearly has bags for distribution, and assaulted me? Fuck him. Joe ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/170 "2010-07-08T18:40:43Z")
To answer a previous question, I’d say the mom was the first person to throw her family under the bus when she refused to discipline their son. She set the wheels in motion for this eventual outcome (and at 16, it sounds like Sonny is right on schedule), and put her husband in a no-win situation. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/171 "2010-07-08T19:10:40Z")
What Cat Whisperer said. I have every sympathy for the dad. Let’s see if Mom can “un-ground” her little snowflake this time… ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/172 "2010-07-08T20:13:29Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > To answer a previous question, I’d say the mom was the first person to throw her family under the bus when she refused to discipline their son. She set the wheels in motion for this eventual outcome (and at 16, it sounds like Sonny is right on schedule), and put her husband in a no-win situation. Absolutely. The kid clearly won’t listen to any kind of domestic discipline and her defection completely undermines the dad. Based on the OP’s response to the request for more information, I’m even more firmly on dad’s side than I was before. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/173 "2010-07-08T21:33:04Z")
FWIW I started [another thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=12663048&posted=1#post12663048) asking folk to post whether they had ever been exposed to familial violence in any ways similar to the incident in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/174 "2010-07-09T00:22:18Z")
> [@Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](#): > > I don’t know the law in Minnesota, but in Indiana the dad would be committing a felony if he knew his son was keeping drugs in the house and looked the other way because it was “just pot”. (Maintaining a Common Nuisance, IC 35-48-4-13(b)) > > If that were the law in Minnesota, would you still be so nonchalant about it? It probably is the law in Minnesota. I don’t know and I don’t care. I refuse to have anything to do with narking out anyone for pot, no matter what the law says. I don’t care if they kill me for it. I ain’t playing ball with enforcing any marijuana laws. Dio don’t snitch. Come and get me, coppers. ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/175 "2010-07-09T00:31:05Z")
Part of me says that Dad should have chased him outside and whipped his ass. One of the best memories I have growing up is when my old man laid my older brother out for lying and forging failure notices from school. The three of us chuckle about it to this day… my dad is so embarrassed by it… but quite honestly it helped my brother and myself out a lot. We understood that their are consequences to your actions. I understand that resulting responses will point out that violence begats more violence… and I’m not the kind of guy looking to fight. It was just in this isolated incidence what occurred. I think a LOT of fathers and sons jockey at a certain age… and then they settle comfortably hopefully into a good relationship… ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/176 "2010-07-09T01:59:12Z")
> [@wheresgeorge04](#): > > If the kid had a bag of pot, that’s one thing. But he clearly has bags for distribution, and assaulted me? Fuck him. Pretty much. There’s an old saying that I think applies here–don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. If the kid didn’t want the consequences of dealing drugs and committing assault, he shouldn’t have dealt drugs and assaulted his dad. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/177 "2010-07-09T04:47:42Z")
Ok I take back what I said earlier. Pushing him over a chair is a violent move. Still though, wouldn’t call the cops. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/178 "2010-07-09T04:52:04Z")
> [@Chicagojeff](#): > > Part of me says that Dad should have chased him outside and whipped his ass. Considering that we are talking about a 16-year-old that had no trouble shoving Dad backwards over a chair, I think that Dad might have had a little trouble successfully executing the chasing and subsequent ass-whipping. It would have to be a really extreme situation before I even considered calling the cops on a family member, but dealing pot and physically assaulting me is definitely approaching that zone. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/179 "2010-07-09T07:07:19Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Considering that we are talking about a 16-year-old that had no trouble shoving Dad backwards over a chair, I think that Dad might have had a little trouble successfully executing the chasing and subsequent ass-whipping. > > It would have to be a really extreme situation before I even considered calling the cops on a family member, but dealing pot and physically assaulting me is definitely approaching that zone. A little girl could shove her father over a chair. It’s not much of a physical exercise. If that happened to me and I chased the kid down chances are I would be in jail. Turning him into the police is an action of last resort and also the result of resisting the urge to pummel the child. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871/180 "2010-07-09T14:39:22Z")
I’m just saying, we’re talking about someone who is basically a grown male. It might not be as simple as, “Chase him and easily administer solid beat-down.” I mean, I know this is the Internet where everyone is buff and studly and would have no problems beating up any other person of their choice to the point that that person would be whimpering for mercy and horrified bystanders would be speed-dialing 911. I’m talking about the real world, though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-the-cops-on-your-child/545871.md?page=10)