# Calling your lover/spouse mommy, daddy, mother, father? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 29, 2012, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302 "2012-04-29T05:55:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kmshrader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b782af/32.png) [@kmshrader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kmshrader)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2012, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/21 "2012-04-29T15:03:17Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I’ll have to admit to a double standard here. > > Girl calls guy “Daddy” = not creepy. > > Guy calls girl “Mommy” = very creepy. Both are equally creepy to me. When I was growing up I called my father “Daddy” in an affectionate way, though, and so maybe I’ve got more issues with it than someone who used a different name for her actual father? I’ve never called my mom “Mama,” for example, and think that in the right tone that could work as a pet name. (I also never called my mom “Mommy,” but that seems way too infantile.) ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2012, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/22 "2012-04-29T15:05:54Z")
I find it creepy. My SO \*is \*old enough to be my father (22 year span) and we spend enough time and energy correcting other peoples’ assumptions about our relationship as it is. He’ll refer to me as “Mama” or “Mom” when talking to the kids, or for the benefit of the kids, but that’s it. But my grandparents did it, and I didn’t find it so gross coming from them. Of course, they were pretty desexualized in my eyes. Their own grandparents referred to each other as Mr. and Mrs. Lastnames, even in direct address and, supposedly, in private. I guess it was a Victorian thing. So when compared to that, “Mom” and “Dad” are positively intimate! ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2012, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/23 "2012-04-29T15:21:11Z")
Creepy as bejasus. Either way. My husband and I call each other ‘Mama’ and ‘Daddy’ only when we’re talking to our toddler, as in ‘Give that to your Daddy’ or ‘What did you and Mama see on your walk?’ When we’re talking to each other or anyone else, whether our kid’s there or not, we use each other’s name. My husband has been known to say ‘Who’s your daddy?’ when he beats me at cards, but that’s as far as it goes. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/24 "2012-04-29T15:32:12Z")
I call him that when referring to his role as a father. If my son needs help with algebra and my husband is in the car, I might go tell him, “Poppa, Ben needs your brains!” Not creepy. But I don’t call him that when it’s just us. ---
**Author:** ![secretsmile36](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@secretsmile36](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/secretsmile36)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2012, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/25 "2012-04-29T15:52:21Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > I apologize. My father is 80, but he is still Daddy to me. I try to call him Dad, but when I’m talking to him in public, I always end up saying Daddy, and then hoping no one heard me. Mainly I just feel lucky that after almost 50 years, I still have a Daddy who is worthy of the title. Don’t ever feel ashamed to call him Daddy. If my father was alive I would not hesitate to call him Daddy. I wouldn’t give a damn who heard me. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2012, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/26 "2012-04-29T18:53:02Z")
Anecdotally, I suppose I’ll go against the tide. My husband will say, “Yes, mother.” real snottily if he’s being a smart ass. I, on the other hand, will call him “Daaaaad” if I’m trying to be cute and get him to buy me, say, a candy bar. Now I don’t know if either if those situations qualify for the OP, so it doesn’t really bother me. However, if someone used it seriously, like it was their spouse’s name or something, I’d just figure it a wee bit unusual and, perhaps, from a different era. Otherwise, I’ll occasionally call my father “Daddy” for as long as I’m able. Considering he’ll be 77 this year, I agree with others that I honestly couldn’t care less if that creeps anyone else out or not. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2012, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/27 "2012-04-29T19:39:08Z")
My father died, so I don’t know what I’d call him. ☹ I don’t remember what I called him when I was little. I also have an estranged relationship with my mother, and one of my biggest fears in life is to become like her as I age. Perhaps because of that, people in sexual relationships using Mommy or Daddy variations really really creeps me out. That’s just nasty to me. It’s one thing to refer to your spouse or S.O. as Mommy/Daddy when talking to or with kids, because it seems natural to speak about people using the relationships that the kids are familiar with already - but to do it as a pet name or an affectionate term? :eek: I mean, if you’re doing it in private and that floats your boat - have at, but I would seriously question how well my S.O. knew me if he ever tried it with me, and I would never in a million years use it myself to refer to my lover. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2012, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/28 "2012-04-29T19:51:29Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Can’t answer for \*\*AClockworkMelon \*\*, only for myself. It’s a form of submission. Which, I suspect, is why a lot of guys like it. This is why I like it, yes. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2012, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/29 "2012-04-29T21:06:18Z")
My grandparents did it, which was never weird to me because I grew up with it. Definitely weird when other people do it. ---
**Author:** ![Terra1041](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Terra1041](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terra1041)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2012, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/30 "2012-04-29T22:33:23Z")
Creepy to me. Parents are very different from romantic partners. If it’s for the benefit of their children, that’s one thing since it avoids confusing the kids (especially when they’re young). Otherwise it’s just creepy and reminds me of incest. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2012, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/31 "2012-04-29T23:40:12Z")
For couples without small children, wierd and sheevy in my opionion. Whenever, I hear a grown woman addressing a man as Daddy, I think street walker and pimp role-play. Since I have a great deal of contempt for my late father, my husband would probably react with fear if I ever used any references to father for him. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/32 "2012-04-30T01:45:57Z")
My SO is much older than me. I am one of those who think that calling my lover Daddy is squeeky…but I did it last night. His cat needed his claws trimmed, so I picked kitty up, handed him to Bill and said something like hold still for Daddy while I rip your toes off. Then again, when I’m talking to cats about running from my friends, I call them Uncle Tony or Aunty Laura. I’ll pay more attention in the future. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/33 "2012-04-30T11:53:57Z")
Creepy, and this thread is really interesting because I thought most people didn’t do this, and I’ve only seen it in movies that are making some sort of comment on the character’s infantile consciousness. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/34 "2012-04-30T12:09:55Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Does this creep anyone else out something fierce? …this creeps me out! When you call your lover/spouse “_ **baby** _,” aren’t you doing the same thing, in a way? ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/35 "2012-04-30T16:18:28Z")
Creepy and ewww. But maybe that’s because my parents-in-law do this, and their kids have been out of the house nigh on 16 years now. Ick. Ick ick ick. We don’t have kids, and aren’t planning to, so I don’t see this happening in our marriage outside of the “Who’s your daddy?” type exchanges mentioned above. ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/36 "2012-04-30T16:28:40Z")
Another vote for creepy when done outside of the context of childcare. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/37 "2012-04-30T16:44:43Z")
My wife calls me “daddy” if she’s trying to be cute. It makes me want to roll my eyes, but I don’t think it’s creepy. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/38 "2012-04-30T16:58:11Z")
I refer to MrPanda as Daddy when I’m talking to PandaKid, otherwise … no. Guys calling their lover mommy is just weirdern’ owl shit. I can see how maybe a woman calling her man daddy \*in jest \*might be ok once in a blue moon but otherwise – ew. I worked with a woman who called her live-in Big Daddy. WTF? On another note – if a grown woman calls her father Daddy, I think that’s very sweet. I barely knew my father - I did call him Dad a few times when talking to him but it felt unnatural, but calling him by his given name seemed too formal. I never once called him Daddy, though. That’s reserved for men who actually raise their kids. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/39 "2012-04-30T17:02:32Z")
We officially agreed to never do that long before we were even married. Blegh. We won’t even refer to our respective in-laws as Mom and Dad. That’s weird too, in a Luke and Leia sort of way. ---
**Author:** ![Twiztid.hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Twiztid.hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Twiztid.hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302/40 "2015-06-03T20:42:10Z")
I don’t think its creepy … me and my gf do it all the time… I love when she calls me daddy it turns me on. she loves when I call her mama or mommy too… everyone has their own ways of seeing it. most people probably think its discusting but me and my lady find it hot and we are doing just fine we always refer to eah other as daddy and mama :] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calling-your-lover-spouse-mommy-daddy-mother-father/620302.md?page=3)