# Calvinball 2019 Tournament of Absolute Champions of the Universe!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026
**Category:** Thread Games
**Created:** [June 25, 2019, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026 "2019-06-25T12:52:29Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/1 "2019-06-25T12:52:29Z")
Time for the annual Calvinball championship. The winner will receive a perfectly cromulent misopterator with all the attachments. Let the games begin!
Prof. P. hurls the Calvinball manfully over the hedge of a thousand yesterdays, clearing the mudpool and landing in the heroic circle.
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### Author:  [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/2 "2019-06-25T14:40:46Z")
**Elendil’s Heir** picks up the Calvinball, looks to the east and looks to the west, and makes a beeline for the stuffed tiger 30 yards or so to the north.
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### Author:  [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/3 "2019-06-25T14:58:21Z")
Tweet! Calvin ran in a straight line for more than 10 yards, contrary to the zig-zag rule, and forfeits the ball to Hobbs.
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### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/4 "2019-06-25T15:10:10Z")
Tweet! 10 yard penalty for **Northern Piper** for misspelling “Hobbes.”
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### Author:  [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/5 "2019-06-25T15:50:21Z")
While all these fouls are being debated, **Elendil’s Heir** draws funny faces on the ball and then kicks it towards the house.
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### Author:  [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/6 "2019-06-25T16:14:00Z")
The ball is intercepted by **Intergalactic Gladiator** (I’ve got springs on my shoes!) and I manage to kick it through the first two croquet rings, scoring 11 points (3 point bonus because it’s Tuesday).
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### Author:  [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/7 "2019-06-25T16:14:52Z")
Where it just misses Susie Derkins, who responds with a perfectly placed left jab.
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### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/8 "2019-06-25T16:15:54Z")
TWEET! Foul declared on **Elendil’s Heir** for forbidden use of emoji.
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### Author:  [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/9 "2019-06-25T17:48:58Z")
**Knowed Out** shoots his frap ray at something. Because frap rays are awesome.
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### Author:  [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/10 "2019-06-25T17:57:38Z")
**Nonsuch** finds the Bonus Box, causing all players’ scores to be randomly reassigned.
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### Author:  [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/11 "2019-06-25T18:05:36Z")
**kenobi 65** takes out a magic marker, crosses out the words “Bonus Box,” writes the word “Transmogrifier” on the box, and gets into it. He has Hobbes push the button, and he transforms into a velociraptor.
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### Author:  [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/12 "2019-06-25T19:35:34Z")
**Elendil’s Heir** hypnotizes the velociraptor by waving his fingers, thus calming it, then picks up the ball from where it lay beyond the croquet rings and makes a beautiful spiral pass towards **Northern Piper**.
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### Author:  [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/13 "2019-06-25T19:44:31Z")
Wait a second, are there teams?
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### Author:  [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/14 "2019-06-25T19:57:18Z")
TWEET! Foul declared on **Intergalactic Gladiator** for questioning the rules/format of Calvinball.
As a penalty, **Intergalactic Gladiator** is now on _everyone’s_ team.
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### Author:  [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/15 "2019-06-25T21:00:12Z")
Pepperdrones strafe the field whilst the Professor tackles Northern Piper and bounces off harmlessly.
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### Author:  [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/16 "2019-06-25T22:01:09Z")
**Elendil’s Heir** catches the ball on the rebound and gently tosses it underhand to his new teammate, **Intergalactic Gladiator**.
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### Author:  [@Mr\_Shine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Shine)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/17 "2019-06-25T22:50:56Z")
I would like to play but Prof Pepperwinkle didn’t link to the rules and I am unfamiliar with them. Clearly a simple oversight, surely, and I expect one of you guys can easily explain them.
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### Author:  [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/18 "2019-06-25T23:48:41Z")
**Nonsuch** passes the Calvinball to **Mr Shine** , who throws it through the east wicket for an easy five points.
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### Author:  [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2019, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/19 "2019-06-25T23:49:51Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#):
>
> I would like to play but Prof Pepperwinkle didn’t link to the rules and I am unfamiliar with them. Clearly a simple oversight, surely, and I expect one of you guys can easily explain them.
See the note at the bottom of the first post. Thang Q.
Or see here: [Calvin and Hobbes: Calvinball | Read Comic Strips at GoComics](https://www.gocomics.com/comics/lists/1643217/calvin-and-hobbes-calvinball)
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### Author:  [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)
#### Post date: [June 26, 2019, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/20 "2019-06-26T02:00:54Z")
With a massive belch, **burpo the wonder mutt** signals a time-out [because](https://images.app.goo.gl/9tg4226rpzSBnSec6):
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