# Calvinball 2019 Tournament of Absolute Champions of the Universe! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [June 25, 2019, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026 "2019-06-25T12:52:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/21 "2019-06-26T02:27:14Z")
**(Looks like everyone’s gone in for the night.)** ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/22 "2019-06-26T03:53:38Z")
**Elendil’s Heir** , back from various boring grownup things, sneaks back onto the field by moonlight. Picking up the ball, he scores unopposed over and over and over again. The new score: his team eight miilion, the other team Q-203^. ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/23 "2019-06-26T04:51:53Z")
**Nonsuch** finds **Elendil’s Heir** passed out on the field, using the calvinball as a pillow. He picks up **Elendil’s Heir** and the ball and sets them both over the bullseye for a quadruple overtime goal. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/24 "2019-06-26T13:14:30Z")
Energized by a bowlful of **Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs** , **burpo the wonder mutt** dashes onto the field and **SQUIRREL!** ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/25 "2019-06-26T13:18:11Z")
**Elendil’s Heir** sits up, rubs his eyes, sees what’s going on and gives \*\*burpo \*\*a good scratch behind the ears. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/26 "2019-06-26T13:36:42Z")
**Intergalactic Gladiator** springs into the arena with his death ray scorcher and zaps a repulsive bat-webbed booger being. 13 points! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/27 "2019-06-26T17:15:08Z")
**Annie-Xmas** springs into the area and puts zapped repulsive bat-webbed booger being on top of a pine tree. 25 points. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/28 "2019-06-26T17:26:29Z")
**Knowed Out** takes out the pine tree with the frap ray for a zillion points. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/29 "2019-06-26T17:28:14Z")
Pine tree falls on **Knowed Out**. crushing frap ray for a zillion point penalty ---
**Author:** ![CaptainSnazzy7402](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captainsnazzy7402/32/57_2.png) [@CaptainSnazzy7402](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptainSnazzy7402)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/30 "2019-06-26T17:32:11Z")
@CaptainSnazzy quickly snatches up the Calvin Ball and makes his way over to the invisible zone ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/31 "2019-06-26T17:37:23Z")
**Nonsuch** throws the striped flag, requiring every player to run backwards until the secret word is spoken. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/32 "2019-06-26T17:37:56Z")
(while running backwards) **Intergalactic Gladiator** touches the Invisible Zone Movement pole and now it’s in a different area. **Captain Snazzy** now has to sing the **Intergalactic Gladiator** is Great song. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/33 "2019-06-26T17:46:10Z")
**Annie-Xmas** starts singing, every player stops running and puts hands over their ears. ---
**Author:** ![CaptainSnazzy7402](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captainsnazzy7402/32/57_2.png) [@CaptainSnazzy7402](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptainSnazzy7402)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/34 "2019-06-26T17:46:20Z")
Oh no! I…must…resist…_groans_ _ahem_ “Mayest thou look upon The greatest knight who rides thereon Their strong, and smart and enigmatic, The gladiator intergalactic… LOOK NO FURTHER FOR NONE SHALL PROCLAIM A PERSON MORE DESERVING OF THE SONG I HAVE ORDAINED INTERGALACTIC GLADIATOR TENDER AND TRUE WE ALL BESEECH YOUR ELEGANCE AND IN YOUR WORK PURSUE.” ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/35 "2019-06-26T18:11:01Z")
While everyone has their hands over their ears and their eyes closed, wincing in pain at the song, thorny locust wanders out onto the field, takes the ball, and plants it into a hole dug just north of the south edge, top of it 2" below soil level; and waters it in carefully. She then wanders back off again to get back to transplanting out some lettuce. ETA: She claims that because she paid zero attention to the score this means that she now has an infinite score. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2019, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/36 "2019-06-27T04:32:38Z")
**Elendil’s Heir** grabs the ball, steps three times on the Undoing Infinite Scores square, and shrugs apologetically at **thorny locust**. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2019, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/37 "2019-06-27T13:59:43Z")
**Annie-Xmas** grabs the ball and gets all the players to do a conga line across the Limbo Zone. ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2019, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/38 "2019-06-27T14:13:12Z")
Uh-oh! **Annie-Xmas** stepped over the Q-yard line with the wrong foot! She forfeits the ball to **Nonsuch** , who balances it on his head for five points. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2019, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/39 "2019-06-27T15:28:45Z")
**Intergalactic Gladiator** prepares to take a swing at the balancing ball when everyone else blocks him out, saying that this is not a good idea. “Trust me, I got this,” says **Intergalactic Gladiator** but no one trusts him. Minus 3 points to **Intergalactic Gladiator** and his team(s). ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2019, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026/40 "2019-06-27T16:17:49Z")
**Annie-Xmas** balances the ball on her nose while doing the peppermint twist, earning 13 points and a candy cane. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-2019-tournament-of-absolute-champions-of-the-universe/836026.md?page=3)