### Author:  [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/6 "2001-01-11T14:34:35Z")
**screech-owl** hastily scribbles [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=53427) on her arm and on various walls so she can remember who is on her team and who is
[deep, ominous announcer voice]
“…the enemy…”.
[/deep, ominous announcer voice]
(Also prints out copy to tape to computer for fast reference.)
Notices ball bouncing down the hall, grabs it and tosses it to back to **thinksnow**.
---
### Author:  [@rundogrun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rundogrun)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/7 "2001-01-11T14:51:23Z")
Utilizing his time travel underwear, **rundogrun** travels back in time to replace the T-Rex with a giant foam finger, so that **thinksnow** can bounce up and catch the ball from **screech-owl**.
---
### Author:  [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/8 "2001-01-11T15:08:49Z")
\< **ts** whatches the ball whiz past his head, and…bounce back, landing squarely in his hands!\>
\
Nice toss **screech** & thanks for the assist, **rundog**!
Using my **Special Ability** [sup]TM[/sup], I crash **Balances** computer by resetting the BIOS password and introducing the blue screen of death.
Mwuuhaahaha!
Pulling my best Curly Johnson move, I dribble, criss-cross, jive-bob-and-weave across the room, sky-hooking it to **Wolverine** …
---
### Author:  [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/9 "2001-01-11T15:35:44Z")
**thinksnow** staggers as his mysterious mental power over computers is preemptively blocked by **Balance’s** nullification (remember?). The shock disorients him so that his pass goes to \*_Balance_ instead. **Balance** looks frantically for a sign that says “This way to Delphi Room.” Failing to spot one, he concludes that Cecil must be on a higher floor and passes the ball to **Spider-Woman**.
---
### Author:  [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/10 "2001-01-11T16:08:02Z")
**screech-owl** runs through the streets and parking lots around the building, kicking each car and setting off a complete cacaphony of car alarms! The horrible noise of whoops and honks startles **Balance** and the pass to **Spider Woman** goes wild! Loose ball! It’s anyone’s!
---
### Author:  [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/11 "2001-01-11T16:20:48Z")
The ball is grabbed secret-triple-agent-who’s-secretly-doing-it-all-for-that-team \*\* dpr \*\* who looks to pass it to someone else but gets confused about which side he’s on atm.
With a sigh he throws it over his shoulder and walks off to get his decoder ring so he can check his notebook…
```auto
1975: More than 22,000 died when a severe earthquake struck Guatemala and Honduras, Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin, Vietnam war finally completely over, The West Indies, captained by Clive Lloyd won the first World Cup Cricket series, beating Australia by 17 runs at Lords, Rohypnol was first marketed as a sleeping pill
```
---
### Author:  [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/12 "2001-01-11T16:40:31Z")
**Balance** snags the ball that **dpr** carelessly cast aside and makes a run (well, a trot, anyway) for the staircase. If he can reach the next floor, he’ll be clear to make a break for the elevators…\ Oh, no! His innate clumsiness trips him on the stairs and the ball bounces toward **Guinastasia**. **Balance** frantically switches over to “nullify **Guin’s** ability to remain unconscious during a game” long enough for her to wake up and catch the ball.
---
### Author:  [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/13 "2001-01-11T16:46:43Z")
At this point, I’d like to renew my “blue-screen of death” attack on **Balance** if I may?
---
### Author:  [@idiotboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/idiotboy)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/14 "2001-01-11T16:52:06Z")
_blows whistle_
Penalty on **screech-owl** : Denting the ref’s car
You must stand on your head for 2 posts
_resume play_
---
### Author:  [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/15 "2001-01-11T16:53:55Z")
\
ZOT! Sorry, **thinksnow**. I’m blocking you again (since you seem to like targeting me).
\
Besides, I’m not using a beta version. Nyaah, nyaah.
---
### Author:  [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/16 "2001-01-11T17:07:37Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by idiotboy \*
> \*\*_blows whistle_
>
> Penalty on **screech-owl** : Denting the ref’s car
>
> You must stand on your head for 2 posts
>
> _resume play_ \*\*
{Sighs}
Smiles and bats eyes shyly and seductively at **idiotboy** ref, making him completely forget about the dent in the car and the world around him, paralyzing him just long enough for her find plumber’s helper and pull dent out of car.\* No long-lasting effects, except for a short-term memory loss of those few moments.
bat bat bat bat bat
Huh?\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* ( **idiotboy** ref is completely smitten)
\
[coy voice]
What dent?
[/coy voice]
Resumes game.
\*[sub]Hey, I’d be ticked too about a dent in my car! Gotta stay honest.[/sub]
---
### Author:  [@idiotboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/idiotboy)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/17 "2001-01-11T17:25:10Z")
> [@](#):
>
> _Originally posted by screech-owl_
> **What dent?**
Right…musta been the way the sun was reflecting…sorry 'bout that. BTW, did I ever tell you that you have lovely eyes? 😃
_Penalty withdrawn, resume game_
---
### Author:  [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/18 "2001-01-11T17:40:58Z")
Blackclaw [Hobbes Team], The T-Rex ThnkSnow ran into earlier is desperately trying to figure out who has the ball so he can bite them. Failing to figure this out he rampages about the office chewing up furniture, chairs, and computers.
A name plate with the words “l Adams” is just visible from the T-Rex’s jaw having been punctured by a rather large tooth.
---
### Author:  [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/19 "2001-01-11T18:11:58Z")
looks, around, snaps up the loose ball, tucks it under a free arm, and sidles into the office copier room. There, she flattens the ball and makes several copies of it, webbing them into three dimensionality as they are printed.
These copies, with their web enhancement, will stick to the hands of anyone who touches them (but not the floors, ceilings or walls).
**Spider Woman** dashes into the hallway and encounters **screech-owl** , seductively batting her eyelashes, so she hands her one of the fake Calvinballs.
She hands the real one to **Blackclaw** and skitters off to randomly distribute the other eight counterfeit balls. . .
----:p/
----///\\
---
### Author:  [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2001, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/20 "2001-01-11T18:29:20Z")
**screech-owl** takes the ball from **Spider Woman** and runs down the hallway (after flirting for a few more moments with **idiotboy** ref - okay, a few minutes.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.Alright 20 minutes! I like when guys talk about my eyes! So sue me!)
::Screeches to a sudden stop after checking the list scribbled on her arm and realizing **Spider Woman** is not on her team.::
Hmmmm, must be some sort of trap. What on this ball, cat spit? Yeccch!
::tries to throw ball away, but it’s stuck to her hand::
Clever. Very clever.
[Internal monologue censored and deleted as **screech-owl** tries to free her hand from the stickiness, and remembers old sit-com/cartoon cliches where character would get hand, then other hand, then foot, stuck to a sticky item, ending up with most external body parts stuck to sticky item. Sudden embarassment as **screech-owl** realizes she has done just that in trying not to get herself stuck to ball.]
[sub]HELP![/sub]
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