# Calvinball Begins! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 10, 2001, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429 "2001-01-10T23:46:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/21 "2001-01-11T18:34:19Z")
Blackclaw tries in vain to hold onto to the ball but his T-rex arms just are not up to the task. He transmorgfies into his human self, but is then further delayed while trying to remove Cecil’s name plate that has somehow become stuck in his teeth. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/22 "2001-01-11T18:52:41Z")
**Balance** grabs the ball and begins following **Blackclaw’s** backtrail of devastation, hoping to find the source of the all-important name plate. Unfortunately, he’s thwarted as the trail winds to a close at an enormous crate labelled “One (1) Acme Giant Foam Finger (suitable for T-rex replacement)”. How curious! Suddenly inspiration (or an unreasonable facsimile thereof) strikes, and **Balance** dashes (well, waddles) off in search of Spider Woman–pausing only momentarily to gape at a forlorn pair of eyes peering out of a huge blob of glue with a photocopy of the ball stuck to it. ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/23 "2001-01-11T19:04:22Z")
**Balance** and **Spider Woman** pass by the giant crate on opposite sides without seeing each other. **Spidey** also looks into those forlorn eyes ::bat bat bat:: and the next thing she remembers, she is holding the discombobulated ball copy and extra sticky webbing, and **screech-owl** is nowhere to be seen. ----:eek:/ ----///\\ ---
**Author:** ![rundogrun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5daacb/32.png) [@rundogrun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rundogrun)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/24 "2001-01-11T19:04:25Z")
**rundogrun’s** time travel underwear leaps into action, traveling back into time to slip a pair of gloves onto **screech-owl’s** hands, thus ensuring she was able to elude the fake calvinball’s stickiness. Like magic, she is suddenly free to bat her lashes once again. ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/25 "2001-01-11T19:19:57Z")
decides to ask the each of the refs to hold one. She finds refs in various corners and crannies (finds \*\*idiotboy \*\*composing a sonnet entitled “To **screech-owl** ’s Lovely Eyes”) (whatta sap)(hands him a ball). Tiptoes off to find more refs, and trips (having many, many toes). -----\_// ----//:o\ Drops all the rest of the sticky fake Calvinballs, and they roll away. . . ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/26 "2001-01-11T19:25:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rundogrun \* > \*\ ***rundogrun’s** time travel underwear leaps into action, traveling back into time to slip a pair of gloves onto **screech-owl’s** hands, thus ensuring she was able to elude the fake calvinball’s stickiness. > > Like magic, she is suddenly free to bat her lashes once again. \*\* **screech-owl** is on the floor, helplessly convulsing from laughing so hard at the thought of **rundogrun’s** time travel underwear leaping about independently, noting the fact that **rundogrun** did not mention being **in** the underwear at the time that said underwear was leaping about. hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/27 "2001-01-11T19:46:02Z")
quickly leaps into action and webs **rundogrun** ’s time travel underwear shut, and ties it in knots and throws it out a nearby window. Not nice to laugh at your teammates, **screech-owl**! ----:p/ ----///\\ ---
**Author:** ![idiotboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@idiotboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/idiotboy)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/28 "2001-01-11T19:56:16Z")
Being a ref, and able to do whatever I want…I eat the sticky Calvinball in my hands… Mmmmm…could use some salt, though… _continues writing sonnet_ ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/29 "2001-01-11T19:58:31Z")
**screech-owl** , wearing the gloves that **rundogrun** slipped on her hands before the mishap, manages to retrieve the time travelling underwear before the it was run over by a passing recycling truck and returns them (untied and de-webbed) to **rundogrun** ::averts eyes in modesty:: Sorry, the imagery of underwear dancing about on its own was just too overwhelming! :o ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/30 "2001-01-11T20:03:01Z")
Nymysys grabs the calvinball (a calvinball? Who knows? I’ve totally lost track) and makes for the golden door. Skidding to a halt, she sees **dpr** walking towards her with a decoder ring. Knowing she was SUPPOSED to be on his team, she wonders if she should bestow the magical Nymkiss™ on him…oh, the things I could do with a frozen-for-five-minutes dpr. Okay, I’m distracted. Someone come get this ball, wouldya? ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/31 "2001-01-11T20:38:55Z")
Mwee tee hee! (knowing that **Balance** has the true copy of the Calvinball, and that **Nymysys** is holding a sticky copy, which she will soon discover. **dpr** , according to the latest list, I believe you are on the Hobbes team, and **Nymysys** is a Calvinist. **idiotboy** should almost be finished with that sonnet, and I’m sure we’d all like to see the fruit of his labor! ----:p/ ----///\\ ---
**Author:** ![kristoph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7cd45c/32.png) [@kristoph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kristoph)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/32 "2001-01-11T21:05:35Z")
**wyldelf** shakes her head at the thought picture bubbles over \*\* Nyms\*\* head (maybe you should get an X rating for this thread?) and continues to stalk Balance down the hallway making sure that her **Special Ability** Invisibility Beanie with the pink Pom Pom is on tightly… ---
**Author:** ![snac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90db22/32.png) [@snac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snac)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/33 "2001-01-11T21:16:57Z")
Snac grabs a loose Calvinball and spirals a long pass to screech-owl. End over end, arching neither to the left nor the right…a lovely, lovely pass… Oh, dear. Awright, which one of you clowns was disguised as a calvinball? ---
**Author:** ![rundogrun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5daacb/32.png) [@rundogrun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rundogrun)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/34 "2001-01-11T22:44:38Z")
**rundogrun** makes mental note… When time-travel underwear begins, umm, time-traveling, best to pack a bag and tag along. ---
**Author:** ![ElusiveMiser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@ElusiveMiser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElusiveMiser)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/35 "2001-01-11T22:51:44Z")
**ElusiveMiser** jumps into fray and grabs ball, holding it over his head in all his tallness, laughing. Just because he’s ref, and can. Quickly gets over his ego thingy, and puts the ball back on the ground. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/36 "2001-01-11T22:54:36Z")
**Balance** slips into the PBX closet, locking the door behind him, and hacks into the terminal to find Cecil’s extension. “Ah, here’s the listing…hmmm…it’s permanently forwarded to this one.” With all the patience a telecom engineer can muster, he begins tracking the extension down to the correct office… Um…this could take a while. Does somebody want to change the goal? ---
**Author:** ![orion007](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@orion007](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orion007)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/37 "2001-01-12T00:00:23Z")
Orion gets the Calvinball! She runs into the elevator and presses the “door close” button frantically… the doors close _phew_ and she pushes the “basement” button, but the elevator goes up instead! The doors open and _gasp_ _she finds herself on planet X-13!_ The elevator must have been a wormhole! Orion faints from the shock and the ball rolls away… the only way for the other team to get the ball is to come and find her… ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/38 "2001-01-12T02:08:29Z")
**Balance** glances down at the real Calvinball held in the crook of his elbow as he traces the phone cable across the suspended ceiling of an editorial-looking office. “Those copies **Spider Woman** made are really amazing. **snac** and **screech-owl** are glued together, **orion** is glued to the surface of Planet X-13 (easy prey for the murderous sauroids, except that they’re getting stuck like flies in amber themselves), and even one of the refs is pasted to the ground. Didn’t any of them notice that I haven’t dropped the ball this time? Only that extraordinarily heavy-footed elf followed, and the locked door broke the trail.” He carefully moves a panel aside and awaits his target, but is somewhat uneasy; surely this office is insufficiently palatial–perhaps it would be enough for the likes of Zotti, but surely not for Cecil! Besides, it may be tomorrow before the occupant returns…a long time to wait, with the other team searching for the ball… ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/39 "2001-01-12T02:23:32Z")
Having freed the nameplate from his teeth, Blackclaw spends a few moments trying to remember where he, as a T-Rex, found it. Not being able to remember, he wonders briefly what else he devoured during the brief time he was in Mr. Adams office. There did seem to be a very nice comfy chair. A horrible thought then crosses his mind. Was the chair unoccupied when he swallowed it? ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/40 "2001-01-12T02:43:35Z")
Hey, this _can’t_ be Cecil’s office! There isn’t even a chair in here, much less a throne! Now where do I look? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429.md?page=3)