# Calvinball Begins! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 10, 2001, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429 "2001-01-10T23:46:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/121 "2001-01-19T00:11:49Z")
**Arkon** began floating with **Mnementh** following. “We’re going to personal, because to find Cecil, we must find his address.” ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/122 "2001-01-19T00:20:17Z")
_Now floating upside down and rotating ever so slowly while trying to keep a grip on his sword, trailing behind his newfound leader_ Yes! His address! Wait, he’s not in the HQ? Refs? Can I request a judgement? And some gravity? And maybe some more ice cream…? ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/123 "2001-01-19T00:41:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mnementh \* > \*\*Yes! His address! > Wait, he’s not in the HQ? > \*\* My theory is the smartest man in the world wouldn’t show up on a day when gravity gets weird. And this hallway seems full of happy spiders… ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/124 "2001-01-19T01:59:28Z")
Now I want to know where the rest of the players went. It’s been reduced to me, and a civilian, which I’m sure will make it easier for me to win the game once I can walk and move and stuff again. And dont the rules say that Cecil has to be in the building or something? I mean, why else would we be hunting for him here? Refs, damnit, I want me some answers. I’d do some searching but at the moment my mobility is limited to places that I’m taken by **Arkon**. ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/125 "2001-01-19T02:14:37Z")
Blackclaw transmorgfies into a T-rex and chomps onto Mnementh’s leg. Nothing personal newly returned teammate, but you and your new found friend are moving and you’re not bumping into any floating furniture which is better that I’ve been able to manage. ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/126 "2001-01-19T03:44:54Z")
Hey, leggo! This guy could lead me to Cecil, he seems to know better than anyone else what we’re doing here! Great, now I cant move in zero gravity, and I have a mini rex attached to my leg. getitoff! Man, NOTHING is getting accomplished in here today… ---
**Author:** ![snac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90db22/32.png) [@snac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snac)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/127 "2001-01-19T04:12:03Z")
So you want to know where your sword has been? I’ll TELL you where your &_$(_^&%^ sword has been… if I ever get my lungs back to anything approaching normal, that is. Man, this zero gravity is the pits. How about some more ice cream? Ice cream is the best thing for those stabbed in both lungs. Since no lungpower, must use psychic connection… :::thinks–Here Cecil! Here, boy!::: ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/128 "2001-01-19T04:56:02Z")
**snac** : You on my team? (Hobbes?). If so, \*_really_ sorry about that. If not… [Nelson] Haw haw! [/Nelson] ---
**Author:** ![kristoph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7cd45c/32.png) [@kristoph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kristoph)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/129 "2001-01-19T05:19:46Z")
admitting to himself that even Hobbes enjoys the occasional smootch, and now that the evil **Rosyln** has entered the building, I think **G.R.O.S.S.** has other things on their plate. besides, can’t do much hangin here in the air wait up, kristoph has an idea. he struggles his way over to a wall and takes a firm foot-hold. thinking something along the lines of …“Space Oddysey: 2001, spinning spaceship --\> gravity!!!” … he launches off the wall into a forward roll, spinning frantically, and achieving not much of anything (except confusing his stomach’s concept of up and down …ugh) new thought, how the hell am I goiing to stop this??? arrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh… ---
**Author:** ![Aghris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecccb3/32.png) [@Aghris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aghris)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/130 "2001-01-19T09:06:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mnementh \* > \*\*Growing tired of being on a little-known team, **Mnementh** decides to defect to **Hobbes** team, just 'cause Hobbes is cooler. Hi, new teammates! > \*\* Get back here you flea ridden piece of furrball dung! Wait till I tell your parents. You’ll gonna be in **sooooooo** much trouble for that! Aghris, coming back out on the other side of the sewer, picks up the chase to find Mnementh… Cecil’s for later. ---
**Author:** ![Wolverine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wolverine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolverine)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/131 "2001-01-19T14:10:57Z")
I’m baaack. By the time Balance had turned his power on someone else, I was cowering in a corner trying to keep spider babies off my naked body. When I realized I could teleport again, it took awhile for me to complete my laundry. Just as I get the stuff out of my washing machine the gravity goes crazy. There’s nothing more fun than trying to dry floating wet clothes. Thankfully, teleportation allows me to travel effortlessly in zero gravity. Long story short (too late) I’m back and ready for action. Where’s Cecil? ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/132 "2001-01-19T14:23:59Z")
Hey! Let go of my passenger you crazt T-Rex! ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/133 "2001-01-19T15:26:41Z")
I’m just trying to get a free ride! Blackclaw lets go and pushes himself toward Totoro. Maybe a good chomp will get the grav back. ---
**Author:** ![idiotboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@idiotboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/idiotboy)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/134 "2001-01-19T16:29:12Z")
Ok, I’ll float ice cream throughout the halls of SDHQ… _THEN_ I’ll turn the gravity back on… _ **SPLOOOSH!!!** _ Hehehehehehehehehehe I **love** being ref… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wolverine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wolverine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolverine)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/135 "2001-01-19T16:54:30Z")
::Gets brilliant idea and decides to mail a letter to Cecil and stalk the letter to his desk.:: Where are all my teammates? Much I search for them also? ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/136 "2001-01-19T17:56:56Z")
Well, at least gravity’s back now. _Mnementh eats himself out of his ice cream prison, and thanks Arkon for his help. (If you need a hand with anything, I’m your man)_ Okay, now… Where’s cecil… Well, he’s the smartest man alive… And there’s ice cream everywhere in a building where it’ll melt… Thus, to avoid the rush of liquid creamy goodness, he’ll head for high ground! TO THE ROOF! _deftly carves a hole in the ceiling and begins leaping up, floor by floor, totally ignoring the fact that the nearby elevator would be way faster_ ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/137 "2001-01-19T19:00:09Z")
**Balance** , now wielding a sword of elvish workmanship and carring a lamp (and reeking faintly of grue repellent) _bamfs_ back into the now gravitically sound HQ. “Well, that was fun. Pointless, but fun.” He pulls out a scroll labeled “SAGEGO” (which, as everyone knows, is a spell designed ages past to teleport you to Cecil Adams) and gnustos it into his spellbook. “SAGEGO!” \ “Excuse me, minister, are you Cecil Adams? The famous syndicated columnist? Thought not. SAGEGO!” \ “This could also take a while. Excuse me, beer-swilling redneck type person, are you…” ---
**Author:** ![kristoph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7cd45c/32.png) [@kristoph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kristoph)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/138 "2001-01-20T07:29:26Z")
just when he was thinking that his uncontrolled boomerang impersonation was never going to cease, **kristoph** suddenly feels the grip of gravity take hold again, it’s just a pitty he couldn’t grip the icecream covered walls just as well … arrrgggghhhhhWHAMMO, …, ouch wow, luckily this Calvinball broke my fall, otherwise I could have certainly done some dam…, hey, wait a sec, this thing could be handy. _tucking the said Calvinball under his jacket_ I’ll save that one for 'ron. now, to the stairwell again (BTW, it seems that this is my special ability, to run into a stairwell when I need to, hey, they’re handy things to have around!!!), and to the roof!! ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/139 "2001-01-20T07:34:19Z")
Mnementh, exhausted from cutting his way up through only-Cecil-know-how-many floors, bursts onto the roof of the SDHQ and promptly collapses, too far gone to look for Cecil before naptime. hey, is kristoph on my team, or am I about to get my ass handed to me…? ---
**Author:** ![wyldelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@wyldelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wyldelf)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429/140 "2001-01-20T07:39:25Z")
Using her invisibility beanie with the pom pom **wyldelf** creeps up and “borrows” Spaceman Spiff’s craft. Soon she is zooming over the rooftops in a search for Cecil… will let you know on the result. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-begins/49429.md?page=8)