# Calvinball Will Never Die - The Abilities Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 1, 2001, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008 "2001-01-01T18:52:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/21 "2001-01-03T01:13:23Z")
Idiotboy, we’re the refs, we have any ability we want! HA HA HA _Cough_ er… We can do anything we want… Ever wish you were god, well we are… \*\*IN THIS WORLD! HA HA HA! [/b} Oops, power trip… ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/22 "2001-01-03T01:15:44Z")
Well, since I’m not on either team, I suppose I’ll be running the peanuts-and-beer concession. _Munch! Munch! Munch!_ _Glug!_ _Glug!_ _Glug!_ \*UUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrp! [sub]'Scuse me![/sub]\*\* Hmmmm… Looks like I’d better restock my cart. Back in a mo’! ~~Baloo ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/23 "2001-01-03T01:20:13Z")
What the heck is my problem with bold in this thread? **Sheesh!** ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/24 "2001-01-03T03:55:45Z")
Reanimate my spiderlings? Does this mean my babies might **die**? ----:eek:/ —///\\ **screech-owl** , I believe **Gadarene** is on your team, which is sad. Because I would like to hear you sing Broadway stuff too. I’d even clap all for sets of hand-like things; no wait, how would I then stand? No standing ovations I guess. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/25 "2001-01-03T13:41:14Z")
Awgeez, you’re right. Gadarene IS on my team. [note to self: purchase the PHONICS game] Or maybe, I can switch teams when no one is looking!!! Yeah! That’s it!!! bat bat bat bat bat ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/26 "2001-01-03T16:36:44Z")
No, **WAIT!** I mean **defec-_ting_**! 🙂 Boy, _that’s_ a relief, having her on OUR side! Ms. Owl, I was terrified of your ability - I was certain I’d never be able to perform my Captaincy duties if you turned those hazel orbs with their long demure lashes in MY direction. …and besides, you belong here 'coz WE don’t think girls are slimy. [sub]Yow-wow, Muchas smoochas![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/27 "2001-01-03T20:34:45Z")
Would people warn other people in the game that it’s not over, and the abilities thread IS up, and we will run it? Because I’m lazy, and it’s so much easier to have other people do it. “Can’t Someone Else Do It?” ---
**Author:** ![wyldelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@wyldelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wyldelf)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/28 "2001-01-03T20:41:05Z")
aaahhh haaaa a fiendishly derived plan to eliminate the opponent comes to mind. However it is also top secret so I must decline from posting my special ability here. Mouhahahahahahah!!! [insert manical laughter here] you will see… 😃 😃 😃 ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/29 "2001-01-03T21:02:45Z")
Sorry, **Tygr** , I am on Calvin’s team\*. Something about those Snow Goons…captivating. You’re Captain?! [purring]\*\* I just LOOOOVE a feline in uniform! [/purring] Anyone got the original cast recording to _Carrie_? ::leaves to brush up on Broadway showtunes:: \*[sub]for now hehehehehe[/sub] \*\*as best as an owl can purr ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Pinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Dr.Pinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Pinky)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/30 "2001-01-03T21:43:46Z")
I have the ability to turn myself 2 dimensional. That’s it. Lame, but there you have it. I AM 2-D BOY! ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/31 "2001-01-03T22:01:52Z")
I can nullify any one ability of any one other player at any given time (including mundane abilities, like running [sub]or scoring[/sub]). This works as an instantaneous counter (just in case Gadarene gets any funny ideas), but I have to release whoever I’m nullifying to switch to someone else. Heheheh–I can ruin anybody’s fun! Just not everyone’s at once… BTW, I’m preemptively nullifying thinksnow’s ability until further notice. See how your computers aren’t crashing? ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/32 "2001-01-03T22:27:09Z")
to the [Calvinball Teams](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=1021773#post1021773) thread. ----:)/ ----///\\ ---
**Author:** ![Tommy\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Tommy\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tommy_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/33 "2001-01-03T22:41:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Baloo \* > \*\*Well, since I’m not on either team, I suppose I’ll be running the peanuts-and-beer concession. > > Hmmmm… Looks like I’d better restock my cart. Back in a mo’!\*\* Hey **Baloo**! I need a couple of beers up here. I’ll take some peanuts and some hot dogs if you’ve got 'em. When does this game get started, anyways? We’re getting a little bored up here in the stands. There aren’t even any cheerleaders to ogle. " \_ \_ " \_ \_ " \_ \_ " \_ \_ " [sub]trying to start my own “wave”[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/34 "2001-01-04T02:02:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Balance \* > \*\*I can nullify any one ability of any one other player at any given time (including mundane abilities, like running [sub]or scoring[/sub]). This works as an instantaneous counter (just in case Gadarene gets any funny ideas), but I have to release whoever I’m nullifying to switch to someone else. Heheheh–I can ruin anybody’s fun! Just not everyone’s at once… > > BTW, I’m preemptively nullifying thinksnow’s ability until further notice. See how your computers aren’t crashing? \*\* I don’t know whether or not to ask you to change that ability… It’d be fun to watch others fail miserably… I’ll allow it… on one condtion… the next time you boink your old lady, you make her call you Totoro. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/35 "2001-01-04T05:54:28Z")
My special ability is the…um…ability to switch two other players’ special abilities. I think this might need to have a limitation on it, but would it be more fair to have a post limit (lasts until the affected players have each posted X times) or a time limit? ---
**Author:** ![bagkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ab992/32.png) [@bagkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bagkitty)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/36 "2001-01-04T05:59:30Z")
Poor Bagkitty, only two small abilities: 1. ability to regurgitate hairballs with a unerring aim, useful for blinding opponents 2. ability to shed body hair at will, a surprisingly slippery substance which trips up my opponents beware the hirsute bagkitty ---
**Author:** ![idiotboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@idiotboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/idiotboy)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/37 "2001-01-04T14:46:13Z")
Ok, I guess I’m clear on what I can do as a ref…Is there anything I can’t do? 😃 What limitations are there? ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/38 "2001-01-04T20:18:12Z")
Uh… no. We can do anything we deem fit. However, try not to be unfair… too much. ---
**Author:** ![Wolverine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wolverine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolverine)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/39 "2001-01-04T21:09:34Z")
\*\*TEAM CALVIN: \*\* \*\*LurkerNoMore \*\* - deflect thrown/shot objects where I please \*\*Gadarene \*\*- temporarily change someone else’s ability \*\*Rysdad \*\* \*\*ThinkSnow \*\*- activate every bug in a beta-version **SpinneZiege** - Caffeinated Water Boy \*\*snac \*\* **Girl Next Door** \*\*Screech-Owl \*\* - bat my really large sad eyes at anyone and instantly make the ref (or anyone on the other team) instantly forget that flagrant rule violation I just committed. \*\*RunDogRun \*\*- time travel underwear \*\*Wolverine \*\*- Teleportation **Deacon’s Trucked** \*\*Dr. Pinky \*\*- the ability to turn myself 2 dimensional \*\*WyldElf \*\*- decline from posting my special ability here \*\*Nymysys \*\* **Still need 5 more abilities** \*\*TEAM HOBBES: \*\* \*\*Guinastasia \*\*- to become invisible **DPR (The Interesting Guy I Can’t Seem To Meet!)** - Unknown \*\*BlackClaw \*\*- transmorgfy into a T-Rex **Orion007** - the Transmogrification gun \*\*Kat \*\*- ability to switch two other players’ special abilities \*\*BagKitty \*\*- 1) ability to regurgitate hairballs with a unerring aim, useful for blinding opponents 2) ability to shed body hair at will, a surprisingly slippery substance which trips up my opponents \*\*CykRider \*\*- seduce all females with a single glimpse **Balance** - nullify any one ability of any one other player at any given time \*\*Capacitor \*\* \*\*Absoul \*\* **Turpentine** - bring dead animals back to life **Spider Woman (Co-Captain)**- spider abilities, as demonstrated in this thread \*\*Stupendous Man \*\* \*\*Digital Muse \*\* \*\*Tygr (Captain) \*\*- Mix Tigger & Hobbes in equal parts, stir vigorously **Still need 4 more abilities** ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008/40 "2001-01-04T22:16:07Z")
Remember people! Brown nosing gets you nowhere… (Yeah, right!) So, uh, who’s your god? That’s right… me… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/calvinball-will-never-die-the-abilities-thread/48008.md?page=3)