It depends upon the individual kids and those kids’ respective cultures.
When I was seven, my four year old cousin died. She had been born with some birth defects that left her wearing heavy leg braces and, although she could see shadows and such, legally blind.
My mother sat down with us younger kids and explained that Jodi had gone to heaven, where she could run and play just like we could. We went to the wake and funeral. Yes, we were sad, but the grown ups in our lives were pretty patient with us and answered questions that came up to the best of their abilities.
Growing up during the Vietnam era, I was also taken to the wakes of two of my friends’ fathers and one cousin who were killed in the war. That was actually tougher to my 6-7 year old mind than my little cousin’s death.
I don’t know how one could come close to explaining an event like this to a child who has not only lost twenty classmates, but has gone through the trauma of being in danger his/herself.
Chiming in to agree with others that in general, taking a 6 year old to a funeral is ok, but probably not to THESE funerals. If it were an isolated incident- say, a classmate dying in an accident or from an illness, I might consider it, but even then only if the child had been to another funeral before and understood that the death of a kid their age is pretty rare. Taking a 6 year old to the funeral of a fellow 6 year old is no way to introduce them to the concept of death in this day and age. Because (at least in the US) we don’t have anywhere near the incidence of childhood death that we had 100 years ago, I don’t have a problem with “shielding” my kids from that kind of thing for awhile. I think a common question/fear children have about death is, “Does it happen to everyone? Will it happen to me?” Generally parents have to deal with this when it comes to the death of an older relative, when they can comfort their kids and make them less afraid by explaining that death won’t happen to them for a long time. That’s hard to do when the funeral in question is of a kid their age. I was 11 when I had a classmate die, and while it was extremely sad, it was at least not traumatizing because at that point, I (as well as almost all of my classmates) had experienced the death of a grandparent and at least understood the concept. Having your child’s first memory of a funeral be that of a peer is not something I’d want.
i remember going to the funeral of a friend’s brother. it was before we were in 3rd grade because the memory is blurry.
his brother had health issues throughout his short life, and was a few years younger than us.
i mostly remember the huge amounts of flowers, stuffed animals, and that there was a light in the coffin. i was a bit bummed that i couldn’t play with the stuffed animals, and wondered about the light. (found out later that it was so he wouldn’t be in the dark, after. which was a bit difficult for me to figure out.)
i don’t think that a 6 year old could deal with 20+ funerals, perhaps just the ones of besties.
it would be nice if there was a way that they could arrange for any child going to attend, to be protected. perhaps a “child” hour viewing thing where they could say goodbye to their friend, and not have a gauntlet of reporters to have to get through; with lots of family and professional help.