Can a Cloud Weigh as much as a 747?

No, Xema had it right. When the net force is zero (that is, when your lift is exactly equal to the weight), you have zero vertical acceleration, which could be level flight, ascending, or descending. If your net force is positive (lift greater than weight), you’ll accelerate upwards, and if it’s negative (lift less than weight), you’ll accelerate downwards. Your motion may or may not be in the same direction as your acceleration: For instance, when the Vomit Comet is flying its arcs, it has zero lift and therefore downward acceleration, but it’s still going up at the beginning of the arc (it also needs to have some periods of upward acceleration at other times).

I didn’t think of Neutron Star either. I did think of The Integral Trees, which has tidal based “gravity” and atmosphere, after your post.

I wonder if there was confusion over this joke that got the other one rolling.

In another way to look at this, What if a rainstorm dropped all of its water in a single giant drop?

Enjoy,
Steven