# Can a heterosexual get a toaster? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 23, 2007, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096 "2007-01-23T15:11:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/21 "2007-01-23T17:37:58Z")
[QUOTE=betenoir] No doubt because of the inspiration of my spectacular tits. [/QUOTE] How _you_ doin’? ---
**Author:** ![Chez\_Guevara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/22 "2007-01-23T17:44:39Z")
[QUOTE=betenoir] I can’t post pictures of my spectaculer tits. [/QUOTE] Well, place a kitten on top of them and post a picture of that instead. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/23 "2007-01-23T17:52:08Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] What do you get as a (mostly) straight chick for “turning” not one, not two, but FOUR boyfriends gay? What if you were engaged to two of them? I think I deserve at least a faaaaaabulous weekend getaway for that trick! (How about one of those cute little toaster convection ovens?) [/QUOTE] For you? Probably about anything, ya know I love ya. 😉 Hmm, it would make an even better story if you had married at least one of them, but I’m sure we can work something out. I’ll see about having it added to the agenda. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/24 "2007-01-23T17:58:44Z")
I got my toaster so long ago, that I actually got two sticks to rub together (this was during my all-too-brief membership in the Boy Scouts). But since then I’ve received a beautiful microwave/convection oven, for performing acts beyond the call of duty. It’s engraved with the names of those with whom I performed those acts, giving the engraver carpal-tunnel syndrome. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/25 "2007-01-23T18:06:42Z")
No, I’m sorry. We gays cannot issue a toaster oven due to your status as “straight.” Although we are thrilled by the addition of one third of your menage a trois, we must abide by the homosexual handbook and can only offer you a consolation prize; a box of Rice-A-Roni. (It \*is \* the San Francisco treat, after all) ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/26 "2007-01-23T18:11:34Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] What do you get as a (mostly) straight chick for “turning” not one, not two, but FOUR boyfriends gay? What if you were engaged to two of them? I think I deserve at least a faaaaaabulous weekend getaway for that trick! (How about one of those cute little toaster convection ovens?) [/QUOTE] Sorry. No toaster oven for you. You get an [AC/DC converter.](http://dewalt.tool-box-hardware.com/DEWALT-DW0247-24-Volt-AC-DC-Converter-B0000302QK.htm) Hey, someone had to say it. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/27 "2007-01-23T18:14:09Z")
[QUOTE=Antinor01] Hmm, it would make an even better story if you had married at least one of them, but I’m sure we can work something out. I’ll see about having it added to the agenda. [/QUOTE] See what you can do, OK? Thanks. Does it help my case any that two of \*them \*(one ex-fiancee and one ex-boyfriend) moved in together and got married? (Not legally, of course.) I can only imagine what notes they’ve compared on crazy ol’ WhyNot. ---
**Author:** ![Sal\_Ammoniac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Sal\_Ammoniac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sal_Ammoniac)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/28 "2007-01-23T18:23:00Z")
I think I’ve finally figured out why Mel Gibson wanted to choke his toaster. It’s a little outpost of the fiery pits, right there in your kitchen! ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/29 "2007-01-23T18:49:44Z")
[QUOTE=Swallowed My Cellphone] I volunteer to be the one to evaluate the truthfulness of that statement. Someone has got to do it. [/QUOTE] Man, the sacrifices you are prepared to make are truly amazing 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/30 "2007-01-23T19:18:57Z")
[QUOTE=Chez Guevara] Well, place a kitten on top of them and post a picture of that instead. [/QUOTE] You like pussy with tits? ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/31 "2007-01-23T19:24:08Z")
I love spectacular tits. If I were a woman with spectacular tits, I would post pictures of them everywhere I could. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/32 "2007-01-23T19:27:13Z")
[QUOTE=betenoir] Damn. I really need a toater. [/QUOTE] Damn. I really want toater on my personalized license plate. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/33 "2007-01-23T19:27:29Z")
That’s why you don’t have any. Obviously you can’t be trusted. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/34 "2007-01-23T19:53:37Z")
[QUOTE=Sal Ammoniac] I think I’ve finally figured out why Mel Gibson wanted to choke his toaster. It’s a little outpost of the fiery pits, right there in your kitchen! [/QUOTE] Well, now. How did Mel get a toaster in the first place? :dubious: I mean, if poor **betenoir** is having such difficulty signing up for hers, then Mel must have _really_ been beating the bushes to get his posted from the fiery pits. ---
**Author:** ![Chez\_Guevara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/35 "2007-01-23T20:05:17Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] You like pussy with tits? [/QUOTE] Only if it’s short-haired. ---
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/36 "2007-01-23T21:21:46Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] You like pussy with tits? [/QUOTE] [Pussy with tits!](http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/cats_n_racks/index.html) (NSFW, but only mildly…) ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/37 "2007-01-23T23:07:40Z")
[QUOTE=RealityChuck] For those who miss the reference: It’s from “The Puppy Episode” of **Ellen**. Carry on. [/QUOTE] OK, that still doesn’t mean anything to those of us who haven’t seen the episode. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/38 "2007-01-23T23:21:53Z")
[QUOTE=Rigamarole] OK, that still doesn’t mean anything to those of us who haven’t seen the episode. [/QUOTE] Brief synopsis follows; It is the episode where Ellen (the character) realizes she is gay. She befriends a lesbian who makes a pass at her, which Ellen initially rejects. The woman comments that she only needed to convert one more person to win the toaster oven. By the end of the episode, Ellen comes out as gay. In the final scene Melissa Etheridge makes an appearance and presents the woman with a toaster oven, after having her sign a bunch of documents. ---
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/39 "2007-01-23T23:29:04Z")
[QUOTE=The Chao Goes Mu] N…we must abide by the homosexual handbook and can only offer you a consolation prize; a box of Rice-A-Roni… [/QUOTE] Is that like a [Box in a Box](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xElIik0Ys0) ? ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2007, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096/40 "2007-01-24T00:21:48Z")
Ok so what I’m hearing is I get no toaster (what am I going to do with these bagels???) but I get boots (can I get cherry red Doc Martins that lace up to your knees like my (gay) friend had?) and some rice. Well ok. I guess I can live with that. But really, shouldn’t The Gays do more to support us heteros who selflessly hand over totally hot 16 year olds (she was at the time…so was I) over to your team? Hey I did some serious work there…where’s my rice? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-heterosexual-get-a-toaster/389096.md?page=3)