# Can a liar ever change? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 26, 2011, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101 "2011-11-26T01:33:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/1 "2011-11-26T01:33:17Z")
Is the saying once a liar always a liar true? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/2 "2011-11-26T01:44:34Z")
Depends. If they really want to change, some can. If one is habitually lying to cover up a drug or alcohol habit, and manages to get clean and sober, the lying problem generally gets better over time, too. If a chronic liar’s actions give them enough grief and aggravation, they can decide to seek help and make actual progress. But frankly, don’t bet the house on the person changing. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/3 "2011-11-26T02:03:33Z")
Everyone lies. Lying is completely irrelevant to whether someone can change or not. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/4 "2011-11-26T02:10:37Z")
Moving to IMHO from GQ. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/5 "2011-11-26T02:41:56Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Everyone lies. Lying is completely irrelevant to whether someone can change or not. Perhaps we can assume that we’re referring to someone who lies chronically in such a way as to sow distrust among those close to him or her. These are the folks who tend to promise to change, and usually disappoint. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/6 "2011-11-26T02:54:37Z")
Ask a liar this question: Will you stop lying? ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/7 "2011-11-26T11:28:09Z")
I’m not the man I was 20 years ago, nor even 5. I think I have grown. So my answer is, yes, it can happen. My instincts say it doesn’t happen often enough. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/8 "2011-11-26T18:23:52Z")
There’s no magic answer. Of course, many people change. But if you don’t \know\ they’ve changed, you probably shouldn’t gamble anything important on it. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/9 "2011-11-26T21:16:22Z")
**slm** , are you referring to the person you asked about in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=632456)? At any rate - everyone lies one way or another, little white lies and fibs are part of the normal fabric of social discourse. But chronic lying, or being deceitful about meaningful things and constantly misrepresenting oneself is a more deep-seated trait. One that I have ended or limited friendships because of on more than one occasion because without trust, what do you have in a relationship of any sort? Lying is a control issue, or a cover-up for feeling inadequate, or any number of complex reasons, and for some people it just becomes a way of life and they can’t ever learn to be honest. An exception might be as **Qadgop** says - lying specifically to cover up addiction. Part of the process of becoming clean and sober is also getting honest so presumably people in recovery can change their lying ways. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/10 "2011-11-26T22:02:06Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > **slm** , are you referring to the person you asked about in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=632456)? If that’s the question then that is a huge can of worms that should be walked away from without looking back. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/11 "2011-11-26T23:06:02Z")
If you’re talking about the guy who lied about being a doctor, I agree with the idea of just walking away from him and not having anything more to do with him. Yes, even if he is actually good looking (and was not just using a fake photo of someone else to lie about his looks too). An honest guy who isn’t much to look at is a thousand times better than a cute guy who you can’t trust. Even if you do end up dating this guy, I guarantee you that you will end up realizing that there are more lies in the future with him. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/12 "2011-11-26T23:19:53Z")
And if the guy in question is the guy **slm** was talking about in her first thread to this board - and is still talking about - then **slm** , honey, you seriously need to tune up your bullshit detector! > **[Should I get him back or just let it go?](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=631994)** > > Ok, there’s this guy I have been seeing who I found out was a big FAT PHONY and wanted nothing more than to play and embarrass me by pretending he was into me. I want to give him a piece of his medicine SO BAD and let him no that I’m a force to be... ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/13 "2011-11-27T01:28:10Z")
I suppose a person could stop lying/being a liar. But once I’ve been lied too nothing will change the fact that I myself will never be able to completely trust that person again. ---
**Author:** ![Bloodless\_Turnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@Bloodless\_Turnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bloodless_Turnip)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/14 "2011-11-27T01:59:32Z")
> [@](#): > > An exception might be as Qadgop says - lying specifically to cover up addiction. Part of the process of becoming clean and sober is also getting honest so presumably people in recovery can change their lying ways. If they do indeed embrace recovery. I know a lying liar who lies about being recovered. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/15 "2011-11-27T02:33:52Z")
I’m a Christian. Believing that people can change comes with the territory. Should you put your life on hold and wait around for the liar to change? Hell no! ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/16 "2011-11-27T02:42:12Z")
> [@Bloodless\_Turnip](#): > > If they do indeed embrace recovery. I know a lying liar who lies about being recovered. Those folks generally are unable to carry off such a charade for very long. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/17 "2011-11-27T03:06:16Z")
Absolutely not. Anyone who has every told an untruth is forever deemed a liar. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/18 "2011-11-27T04:03:55Z")
slm, the short answer is: No. Run away now! The long answer is, maybe. Some very few people can and do turn around their lives and stop lying. But first, they’ve got to stop lying to themselves. You want to wait 20 years for that to happen? You want to live through hell for years until the liar wakes up to the ruin he creates wherever he goes? Close that door and move on with your life. ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/19 "2011-11-27T21:22:27Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > **slm** , are you referring to the person you asked about in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=632456)? > > At any rate - everyone lies one way or another, little white lies and fibs are part of the normal fabric of social discourse. But chronic lying, or being deceitful about meaningful things and constantly misrepresenting oneself is a more deep-seated trait. One that I have ended or limited friendships because of on more than one occasion because without trust, what do you have in a relationship of any sort? Lying is a control issue, or a cover-up for feeling inadequate, or any number of complex reasons, and for some people it just becomes a way of life and they can’t ever learn to be honest. > > An exception might be as **Qadgop** says - lying specifically to cover up addiction. Part of the process of becoming clean and sober is also getting honest so presumably people in recovery can change their lying ways. Yup, it’s the same guy :o & I agree! ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/20 "2011-11-27T21:24:36Z")
> [@carnut](#): > > slm, the short answer is: No. Run away now! > > The long answer is, maybe. Some very few people can and do turn around their lives and stop lying. But first, they’ve got to stop lying to themselves. You want to wait 20 years for that to happen? You want to live through hell for years until the liar wakes up to the ruin he creates wherever he goes? > > **Close that door and move on with your life**. I’m the type of person who likes to see the good in everyone and likes to give people second chances, but I think I really should let this guy go…besides the lying, we seemed really compatible…oh well:rolleyes: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101.md?page=2)