# Can a liar ever change? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 26, 2011, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101 "2011-11-26T01:33:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bhoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ce73a5/32.png) [@Bhoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bhoe)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/21 "2011-11-27T21:30:59Z")
Liars tend to be lazy. Instead of doing the thing they want you to believe they did, or are, they’d rather just lie about it. The reason I don’t deal with liars, and I’ve know a lot, is at one point the games turn into “you’re stupid enough to believe any bullshit I tell you”. I’ve noticed liars tend to start off really tight at first. Then, they lie about everything under the sun. Liars rarely change. There is a different between telling a lie and being a liar. IMO, liars don’t change. Most of them can’t, the few that “can” don’t want to. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/22 "2011-11-27T21:33:02Z")
> [@slm2955](#): > > I’m the type of person who likes to see the good in everyone and likes to give people second chances, but I think I really should let this guy go…besides the lying, we seemed really compatible…oh well:rolleyes: Yeah but which of his lies are you compatible with…the doctor lie or the plumber lie or the “we’re so special together” lie or…? 😃 I am glad you are backing off; I hope you continue to do so! ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/23 "2011-11-27T21:35:12Z")
> [@Bhoe](#): > > Liars tend to be lazy. Instead of doing the thing they want you to believe they did, or are, they’d rather just lie about it. The reason I don’t deal with liars, and I’ve know a lot, is at one point the games turn into “you’re stupid enough to believe any bullshit I tell you”. I’ve noticed liars tend to start off really tight at first. Then, they lie about everything under the sun. Liars rarely change. There is a different between telling a lie and being a liar. IMO, liars don’t change. Most of them can’t, the few that “can” don’t want to. That’s unfortunate, beside the lying, he seem like a good person. I don’t know why he had to lie in the first place… ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/24 "2011-11-27T21:36:20Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > Yeah but which of his lies are you compatible with…the doctor lie or the plumber lie or the “we’re so special together” lie or…? > > 😃 I am glad you are backing off; I hope you continue to do so! LOL & thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Bhoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ce73a5/32.png) [@Bhoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bhoe)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/25 "2011-11-27T21:40:08Z")
> [@slm2955](#): > > That’s unfortunate, beside the lying, he seem like a good person. I don’t know why he had to lie in the first place… I don’t know your history with this person, but you might be better off with out them. If he’s a liar, there’s probably something not so nice he’s hiding. ---
**Author:** ![Bloodless\_Turnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@Bloodless\_Turnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bloodless_Turnip)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/26 "2011-11-27T21:40:45Z")
You’ll never know the why. Wow at the stories I could tell on this subject! They just lie, even when the truth would served them better. Or when it makes no difference at all. I think they aren’t quiet sane, or maybe that’s just because the liar in my life is definitely mentally deranged. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/27 "2011-11-27T23:18:17Z")
> [@slm2955](#): > > I’m the type of person who likes to see the good in everyone and likes to give people second chances, but I think I really should let this guy go…besides the lying, we seemed really compatible…oh well:rolleyes: Yeah, I understand. I am moral support for a friend who’s husband is a chronic liar. He is intelligent and can be fun but she just can’t trust him to do the right thing or tell her the correct information. Given the choice between the truth and a good, heart-tugging story, he picks the story every time. The stuff he has pulled has been incredibly tough on her. Even forcing she and their infant son to head back to India for 18 months because he told her he had handled her residency permit as the spouse of an American, but he hadn’t. She could have been deported permanently if she hadn’t found out about it just before her green card expired. He does have good in him. It is his urge for all to be well that causes him to lie. But he won’t face the truth of his own behavior causing problems. Their son is now 13 and he is still at it. You don’t want to spend a lot of time with a guy like that. ---
**Author:** ![Cryptic\_C62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Cryptic\_C62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cryptic_C62)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/28 "2011-11-27T23:36:40Z")
I used to lie all the time. More often than most, I suspect. At one point I very nearly cheated on my girlfriend and then lied about it for months. It ate at me from the inside until one night, out of the blue, I told her about it. From that day onwards, I started saying “I don’t lie anymore,” and I was (and am) stubborn enough for it to be true. So, yes, a liar can change. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2011, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/29 "2011-11-28T13:03:47Z")
Or ask a liar this question: Have you stopped lying? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2011, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/30 "2011-11-28T16:46:15Z")
I have an older brother who has lied extensively for all of his life, and who now only has a limited amount of time left to live (H.I.V.), but if anything is lying even more. So I’d say regular liars are most likely not to change with time. ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2011, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/31 "2011-11-29T01:52:16Z")
> [@Cryptic\_C62](#): > > I used to lie all the time. More often than most, I suspect. At one point I very nearly cheated on my girlfriend and then lied about it for months. It ate at me from the inside until one night, out of the blue, I told her about it. From that day onwards, I started saying “I don’t lie anymore,” and I was (and am) stubborn enough for it to be true. > > **So, yes, a liar can change.** Good to know, but sadly I’ve lost all hope for this guy. ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2011, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/32 "2011-11-29T01:54:34Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > I have an older brother who has lied extensively for all of his life, and who now only has a limited amount of time left to live (H.I.V.), but if anything is lying even more. > > **So I’d say regular liars are most likely not to change with time**. I’d say the same with this guy, Idk what his problem is, and why he has to create all this unnecessary drama for…I just want him OUT of my life! ---
**Author:** ![smaje1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@smaje1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smaje1)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2011, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/33 "2011-11-29T20:14:07Z")
I used to tell lots and lots of casual lies – like, I would make up an elaborate excuse for not being able to attend a dinner, just so I didn’t hurt someone’s feelings. I also exaggerated stories to a great degree. It bit me in the ass one day and I almost lost my best friend, so I made a vow to knock it off. And although I still tell the occasional white lie (mostly to keep myself out of trouble), I have pretty much gone the way of the truth. ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2011, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/34 "2011-11-29T21:58:09Z")
> [@smaje1](#): > > I used to tell lots and lots of casual lies – like, I would make up an elaborate excuse for not being able to attend a dinner, just so I didn’t hurt someone’s feelings. I also exaggerated stories to a great degree. > > It bit me in the ass one day and I almost lost my best friend, so I made a vow to knock it off. And although I still tell the occasional white lie (mostly to keep myself out of trouble), I have pretty much gone the way of the truth. I’m like you too, sometimes I lie to avoid hurting the feelings of others but I realize by lying to them, I’m hurting them even more. Still trying to change that though! ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2011, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101/35 "2011-11-29T22:03:24Z")
When I was younger and not comfortable in my own skin I would lie all the time. Now that I am an old fart and nobody really gives a shit, I don’t bother. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-liar-ever-change/604101.md?page=1)