# Can a person effectively refuse to grant their spouse a divorce? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 15, 2008, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-person-effectively-refuse-to-grant-their-spouse-a-divorce/433609 "2008-01-15T14:26:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gfactor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@Gfactor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gfactor)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2008, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-person-effectively-refuse-to-grant-their-spouse-a-divorce/433609/21 "2008-01-15T19:43:42Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] I’m assuming the cruelty is because of battery and the like. [/QUOTE] Cruelty can be mental or physical: > [@](#): > > (1) The cruel and inhuman treatment of the plaintiff by the defendant such that the conduct of the defendant so endangers the physical or mental well being of the plaintiff as renders it unsafe or improper for the plaintiff to cohabit with the defendant. [http://www.divorcenet.com/states/new\_york/new\_york\_grounds\_for\_divorce](http://www.divorcenet.com/states/new_york/new_york_grounds_for_divorce) A favorite example of a crazy mental cruelty claim comes from an Ohio case that I encountered at the library one day. In _Hunt v. Hunt_, 63 Ohio App. 3d 178; 578 N.E.2d 498; 1989 Ohio App. LEXIS 2364, the Ohio Court of Appeals rejected an appeal from a denial of a divorce petition: > [@](#): > > In Pearson v. Pearson, supra, we applied the abuse of discretion test set forth in Blakemore v. Blakemore (1983), 5 Ohio St.3d 217, 5 OBR 481, 450 N.E.2d 1140. That test is whether the trial court’s decision was unreasonable, arbitrary or unconscionable. In Pearson, we concluded that the trial court’s determination that the plaintiff had proved grounds was within the trial court’s discretion. In that case, there was evidence to support a conclusion by the trial court that the plaintiff had been humiliated by being forced frequently to attend adult movies with her husband, even though she found them to be extremely offensive, and that the defendant husband had neglected his marital duties by expending substantial sums in gambling at cards, thereby causing his minor children to go without. We noted that the trial court could, based on that evidence, conclude that the defendant husband had, through his acts and omissions, caused the marital situation to be intolerable. > > In the case before us, Mr. Hunt testified as to numerous grievances. Some of these, such as Mrs. Hunt’s having installed a “closet organizer” in a closet that she used, against his expressed better judgment, frankly appear to be rather trivial. Others, such as his wife’s having given away the ten-year-old car that he had purchased for her, after his son had expressed an interest in purchasing the car for his own use, are less trivial, but were disputed. In her cross-examination testimony, Mrs. Hunt denied that she was aware that Mr. Hunt’s son had expressed an interest in purchasing the automobile. Also, she testified concerning Mr. Hunt’s having purchased a truck shortly before then, without having consulted her, when, because of her employment, it could be expected that she could have obtained a much better price for the truck. ---
**Author:** ![miamouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@miamouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miamouse)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2008, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-person-effectively-refuse-to-grant-their-spouse-a-divorce/433609/22 "2008-01-15T19:55:04Z")
How do the courts view drug abuse by one of the spouses? Typically as a mental disorder, or as mental abuse? ---
**Author:** ![Gfactor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@Gfactor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gfactor)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2008, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-person-effectively-refuse-to-grant-their-spouse-a-divorce/433609/23 "2008-01-15T20:01:54Z")
[QUOTE=miamouse] How do the courts view drug abuse by one of the spouses? Typically as a mental disorder, or as mental abuse? [/QUOTE] > [@](#): > > Intentional refusal by a spouse to have sexual relations may be considered cruel and inhuman treatment where it actually has a physical effect upon you. Alcoholism or drug addiction, or substance abuse by itself, usually is not a sufficient basis for divorce, unless your spouse becomes violent or abusive when under the influence so that you fear for your health and safety. [http://www.brandeslaw.com/grounds\_for\_divorce/grounds.htm](http://www.brandeslaw.com/grounds_for_divorce/grounds.htm) Some jurisdictions simply inlcude substance abuse as one of the statutory grounds. [http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelawsgr/ohio.shtml](http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelawsgr/ohio.shtml) [http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelawsgr/arizona.shtml](http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelawsgr/arizona.shtml) [http://www.divorcesource.com/NJ/ARTICLES/oflanagan2.html](http://www.divorcesource.com/NJ/ARTICLES/oflanagan2.html) ---
**Author:** ![chorpler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chorpler/32/2888_2.png) [@chorpler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chorpler)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2008, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-person-effectively-refuse-to-grant-their-spouse-a-divorce/433609/24 "2008-01-15T22:12:38Z")
[QUOTE=Gfactor] [http://www.brandeslaw.com/grounds\_for\_divorce/grounds.htm](http://www.brandeslaw.com/grounds_for_divorce/grounds.htm) “Intentional refusal by a spouse to have sexual relations may be considered cruel and inhuman treatment where it actually has a physical effect upon you.” [/quote] I’m puzzled by this. What does that mean? When does not having sex have a physical effect on somebody? Does this mean if, for example, a man wanted to divorce his wife because he was dissatisfied with their sex life, he would have to say “My wife won’t have sex with me, and it’s causing me agonizing prostate pain as detailed in this [deposition I got my my Uncle Cecil](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_195b.html)” or something to that effect? Or does it mean something else? > [@](#): > > “Alcoholism or drug addiction, or substance abuse by itself, usually is not a sufficient basis for divorce, unless your spouse becomes violent or abusive when under the influence so that you fear for your health and safety.” > > Some jurisdictions simply inlcude substance abuse as one of the statutory grounds. [http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelawsgr/ohio.shtml](http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelawsgr/ohio.shtml) > [http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelawsgr/arizona.shtml](http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelawsgr/arizona.shtml) > [http://www.divorcesource.com/NJ/ARTICLES/oflanagan2.html](http://www.divorcesource.com/NJ/ARTICLES/oflanagan2.html) Wasn’t there a thread a month or so ago where somebody told of their experience in law school, where it was asserted during a mock trial or something that his “client” was automatically able to be divorced because he was a drug addict, and that the law therefore automatically considered him unable to have sexual relations? I searched, but didn’t see it. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-person-effectively-refuse-to-grant-their-spouse-a-divorce/433609/25 "2008-01-16T00:19:58Z")
What if the petitioner in a divorce case where the other person is resisting the divorce submitted evidence that he had committed adultery or was an alcoholic or had an incurable mental illness or something (in a state like NY)? IOW, can you rat yourself out as being “at fault” in order to get a divorce if the other person doesn’t want to give you one? What’s the down side to doing that? I’m assuming there is one or it would be easy enough to get the divorce regardless of your partner’s wishes. ---
**Author:** ![Gfactor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@Gfactor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gfactor)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-person-effectively-refuse-to-grant-their-spouse-a-divorce/433609/26 "2008-01-16T00:25:57Z")
> [@](#): > > § 170. Action for divorce. An action for divorce may be maintained by > a husband or wife to procure a judgment divorcing the parties and > dissolving the marriage on any of the following grounds: > (1) The cruel and inhuman treatment of the plaintiff by the defendant > such that the conduct of the defendant so endangers the physical or > mental well being of the plaintiff as renders it unsafe or improper for > the plaintiff to cohabit with the defendant. > (2) The abandonment of the plaintiff by the defendant for a period of > one or more years. > (3) The confinement of the defendant in prison for a period of three > or more consecutive years after the marriage of plaintiff and defendant. > (4) The commission of an act of adultery, provided that adultery for > the purposes of articles ten, eleven, and eleven-A of this chapter, is > hereby defined as the commission of an act of sexual intercourse, oral > sexual conduct or anal sexual conduct, voluntarily performed by the > defendant, with a person other than the plaintiff after the marriage of > plaintiff and defendant. Oral sexual conduct and anal sexual conduct > include, but are not limited to, sexual conduct as defined in > subdivision two of section 130.00 and subdivision three of section > 130.20 of the penal law. > (5) The husband and wife have lived apart pursuant to a decree or > judgment of separation for a period of one or more years after the > granting of such decree or judgment, and satisfactory proof has been > submitted by the plaintiff that he or she has substantially performed > all the terms and conditions of such decree or judgment. > (6) The husband and wife have lived separate and apart pursuant to a > written agreement of separation, subscribed by the parties thereto and > acknowledged or proved in the form required to entitle a deed to be > recorded, for a period of one or more years after the execution of such > agreement and satisfactory proof has been submitted by the plaintiff > that he or she has substantially performed all the terms and conditions > of such agreement. Such agreement shall be filed in the office of the > clerk of the county wherein either party resides. In lieu of filing such > agreement, either party to such agreement may file a memorandum of such > agreement, which memorandum shall be similarly subscribed and > acknowledged or proved as was the agreement of separation and shall > contain the following information: (a) the names and addresses of each > of the parties, (b) the date of marriage of the parties, (c) the date of > the agreement of separation and (d) the date of this subscription and > acknowledgment or proof of such agreement of separation. [Legislative Information - LBDC](http://public.leginfo.state.ny.us/LAWSSEAF.cgi?QUERYTYPE=LAWS+&QUERYDATA=$$DOM170$$@TXDOM0170+&LIST=LAW+&BROWSER=15876604+&TOKEN=34425322+&TARGET=VIEW) You’ve pretty much got to be the plaintiff (the one seeking the divorce) and complaining about the defendant’s conduct. ---
**Author:** ![Gfactor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@Gfactor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gfactor)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-person-effectively-refuse-to-grant-their-spouse-a-divorce/433609/27 "2008-01-16T01:19:07Z")
By the way, the divorce by agreement bit is sort of new itself. I’m not sure of the precise timeline, but there was a time when the fact that both parties agreed they didn’t want to be together was not enough. Back then, couples would file collusive lawsuits, sometimes using staged photos, according to Friedman in _A History of American Law_ [Amazon.com](http://www.amazon.com/History-American-Revised-Touchstone-Book/dp/0671528076) _and see_, [http://www.lectlaw.com/files/fam15.htm](http://www.lectlaw.com/files/fam15.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-person-effectively-refuse-to-grant-their-spouse-a-divorce/433609/28 "2008-01-16T01:34:27Z")
[QUOTE=acsenray] In a no-fault divorce system, however, I don’t think there is anyway for one spouse to effectively deny the divorce. [/QUOTE] That’s pretty much the case here. There are very few grounds on which a spouse could contest a divorce. One would be to question whether the Family Court of Australia actually had jurisdiction. The other obvious one would be to argue that the spouses had not yet been separated for the twelve month period required to prove that the marriage had irretrievably broken down. And even if this were the case, the contesting spouse could only get the divorce application deferred, not blocked permanently. ---
**Author:** ![A.R.Cane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@A.R.Cane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.R.Cane)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-person-effectively-refuse-to-grant-their-spouse-a-divorce/433609/29 "2008-01-16T02:25:24Z")
Things change. I separated from my first wife in the late 60’s. She wouldn’t agree to divorce because she was catholic, but also because she was deluding herself that I would reconcile. About 5-6 years later she relented, but insisted I file and pay for everything, including her lawyer. She then almost backed out when she read the (standard) wording in the filing. I finally convinced her it was just legal jargon, not a personal attack, and was necessary if she wanted me to be the complaintant and pay the bill. Finally it was done. A very expensive mistake indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-person-effectively-refuse-to-grant-their-spouse-a-divorce/433609/30 "2008-01-16T04:24:41Z")
Paul in Saudi writes: \> Not quite the same thing, but I understand Ted Kennedy’s wife refuses to do \> whatever she must do to let the RC Church grant an annulment. You’re thinking of Joseph Kennedy II, I suspect: > **[Joseph P. Kennedy II](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Patrick_Kennedy_II)** > > Joseph Patrick Kennedy II, better known as Joe, (born September 24, 1952) is an American businessman, Democratic politician, and a member of the Kennedy family. He is a son of former United States Senator Robert F. Kennedy and Ethel Kennedy, and he is also a nephew of former U.S. President John F. Kennedy and former U.S. Senator Ted Kennedy. > He served as a member of the United States House of Representatives from the 8th congressional district of Massachusetts from 1987 to 1999. In 1979 he fou... [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-person-effectively-refuse-to-grant-their-spouse-a-divorce/433609.md?page=1)