# Can a postman refuse to deliver mail because he disapproves of the recipients' living arrangements? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [July 28, 2024, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912 "2024-07-28T21:04:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sylvanz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Sylvanz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylvanz)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/21 "2024-07-29T00:34:30Z")
[Chick tract - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chick_tract#:~:text=The%20most%20notable%20of%20these,is%20a%20pagan%20moon%20god). This explains it better than I can. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/22 "2024-07-29T00:39:46Z")
> [@OldGuy](#): > > Based on names alone how could the mailman know it’s not a man and a widowed sister or widowed daughter living together. A letter carrier can learn a surprising amount of detail about the people on his route just by the mail he delivers. And I don’t mean by resorting to anything illegal like reading their mail. When they delivered adult material in discrete packaging, odds are the letter carrier knew what someone was getting. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/23 "2024-07-29T00:47:08Z")
She’s a opinionated asshole. She rang my gate bell once with a package and before I could tell her it wasn’t ours, she chewed me out because how bad my road is, how it tears up her car, and how I should read the notes placed my box( “they’re official, ya know?”) to pick a package up at the P.O. and if I couldn’t be assed to deal with my mail, yada, yada, yada… I said “Lady, it ain’t my package!” She sped off, throwing gravel. Yeah she’s a jerk. Everyone complains about her. Being the USPS. Nothing surprises me. ---
**Author:** ![Sylvanz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Sylvanz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylvanz)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/24 "2024-07-29T00:51:45Z")
OK, she’s your mail deliverer. I didn’t parse that in your first post. Yeah, some people are just a-holes. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/25 "2024-07-29T01:15:41Z")
Ah, thanks. Never seen one. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/26 "2024-07-29T02:24:18Z")
> [@Sylvanz](#): > > Yeah, some people are just a-holes. Some people clutch their pearls hard enough that it cuts off the oxygen to their brain. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/27 "2024-07-29T02:26:19Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I personally would rather you not call me a liar, TYVM. Hardly. I was replying to the story from the OP. > [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > She mentioned along the way that before they were married in 70s, they started living together and she had had to adopt his name because the postman refused to deliver mail to two people (presumably of opposite sexes) with different surnames. Even in the 70s this seems like extreme behavior. Since there is and was absolutely no way for the Times to check that story, and since it was so long ago memories are not reliable- I have doubts about that. Since that was quite common in the 60’s and 70’s. Roommates, women keeping married names etc. I have no issues whatsoever about your post. > [@thorny\_locust](#): > > I’m not Dr Deth, but I think he meant the story referred to in the OP. Yep. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/28 "2024-07-29T02:47:54Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > They wouldn’t deliver mail to my driveway because it’s not supposed to be a public road. Not so you’d know it. Certain times of the year. > > So my mailbox is a long long way from my house. > I also have a box in town because of the insecurity. > > I fought those people over this. They just wouldn’t be logical about it. The post office has greatly reduced how many little streets or individual mailboxes it will deliver to, which is why you see many banks of mailboxes on a post along the road. Argue all you want, it isn’t going to change anything. They’re keeping their costs down by making everyone put up with a little inconvenience. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/29 "2024-07-29T02:48:16Z")
I’m glad you came back. I’m sorry for admonishing you. My bad. ---
**Author:** ![CaveMike](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cavemike/32/16379_2.png) [@CaveMike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaveMike)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/30 "2024-07-29T02:59:51Z")
Here’s the article: [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/24/opinion/dan-collins-gail-obit-marriage.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/24/opinion/dan-collins-gail-obit-marriage.html) > [@](#): > > We married in 1970, when we were living in Amherst, graduate students studying government at the University of Massachusetts. > … > We lived together for a couple of years, and I agreed to become “Gail Collins” while we were still single because our postal worker refused to deliver mail to a man and woman at the same address with different names. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/31 "2024-07-29T03:57:21Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I’m glad you came back. > > I’m sorry for admonishing you. > > My bad. Kinda my fault, I should have replied to the OP. > [@CaveMike](#): > > Here’s the article: That’s nice , but impossible to verify and 50+ years ago. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/32 "2024-07-29T07:39:40Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > Ah, thanks. Never seen one. You can count yourself as lucky, but if you’re truly curious, the [site selling them](https://www.chick.com/products/category?type=tracts&_gl=1*g9cq8j*_up*MQ..*_ga*MTU5NzI1ODAxNC4xNzIyMjM3Nzk0*_ga_4S12FGH845*MTcyMjIzNzc5My4xLjAuMTcyMjIzNzc5My4wLjAuMA..&gclid=Cj0KCQjw-5y1BhC-ARIsAAM_oKmK2h6puX2-P3-KMrc6Dvj-DrYR3woPjZJn_hkjBCdHDSjSNx2HumUaAk-wEALw_wcB#&&Language=English&Status=Stock&SortBy=A-Z&PageNumber=1&Category=All&ShowCount=12) lets you read before you buy. A goodly number of them show some luckless soul being tossed into the flames by angels. My particular favorite is [Dark Dungeons](https://www.chick.com/products/tract?stk=0046&_gl=1*9rag7k*_up*MQ..*_ga*MTg4NjA5ODY0LjE3MjIyMzg1OTc.*_ga_4S12FGH845*MTcyMjIzODU5NS4xLjAuMTcyMjIzODU5NS4wLjAuMA..), the anti-D&D tract. ---
**Author:** ![colinfred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colinfred/32/21338_2.png) [@colinfred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colinfred)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/33 "2024-07-29T08:15:13Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > When they delivered adult material in discrete packaging How else would they deliver it? Glue all the parcels together to form a chain? ---
**Author:** ![Orville\_mogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/aeb1de/32.png) [@Orville\_mogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orville_mogul)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/34 "2024-07-29T08:24:32Z")
He he I’m picturing one big ball of porn 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/35 "2024-07-29T11:38:11Z")
> [@colinfred](#): > > How else would they deliver it? Glue all the parcels together to form a chain? In the olden days, when they advertised adult material for mail order they often emphasized it would arrive in a discreet package. No doubt to assure potential customers their privacy would be protected and they’ll avoid embarrassment. > [@DesertDog](#): > > My particular favorite is Dark Dungeons, the anti-D&D tract. Blackleaf! Noooooooo! ---
**Author:** ![colinfred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colinfred/32/21338_2.png) [@colinfred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colinfred)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/36 "2024-07-29T11:39:59Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > In the olden days, when they advertised adult material for mail order they often emphasized it would arrive in a discreet package. No doubt to assure potential customers their privacy would be protected and they’ll avoid embarrassment. Yes, but all parcels are discrete, (non-continuous) whether adult or not. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/37 "2024-07-29T11:41:55Z")
> [@colinfred](#): > > Yes, but all parcels are discrete, (non-continuous) whether adult or not. You’re right. The point of the original post is that your postman probably knew what it was no matter how discrete the packaging. ---
**Author:** ![colinfred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colinfred/32/21338_2.png) [@colinfred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colinfred)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/38 "2024-07-29T11:45:02Z")
I don’t want to bang on about this, as the first post was just a drive-by joke, but since you clearly don’t understand I’ll explain. Discreet, meaning deliberately circumspect Discrete, non continuous You used the 2nd one when you meant the first. (Mods, this will be my last post on this tangent in the thread) ---
**Author:** ![jjakucyk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3d9bf3/32.png) [@jjakucyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjakucyk)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/39 "2024-07-29T18:13:07Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > The point of the original post is that your postman probably knew what it was no matter how discrete the packaging. Would they? Discreet packaging for something like a magazine means it would be in an envelope rather than a label slapped on the cover. It also means having an obscure return address. A nondescript box isn’t much good if the return label shows from: XXX Hawt Gurlz Pr0n Mag XXX, so it’ll instead come from HGP LLC or something equally innocuous. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2024, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912/40 "2024-07-29T18:20:33Z")
Sure - but it’s pretty easy to figure out what sort of magazine is coming in an envelope or wrapped in brown paper with the cover visible rather than having a label slapped on it. And as far as boxes go , HGP LLC for the return label will probably work most of the time but as “ships in its own container” becomes more popular , a plain brown box might start to stand out. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-a-postman-refuse-to-deliver-mail-because-he-disapproves-of-the-recipients-living-arrangements/1004912.md?page=3)