# Can anybody help me fake some football basics? **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [December 29, 2008, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086 "2008-12-29T17:34:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/21 "2008-12-29T21:41:35Z")
> [@garygnu](#): > > Chess is not a bad analog for football. > The quarterback is the king, the running back is the queen, the wide receivers are like the bishops and rooks. The tight end is like a knight. The linemen are somewhat like pawns, in that they push up against each other and the ones that push hardest win, the difference is that they’re bigger than everybody else. I’m going for an expansion of this analogy: The (off field) Coach is the chess player, who decides the strategy (running play or pass) and the tactics (the Running Back will go left … so block enemy tacklers in that area) for the team. The Quarterback is the King, who starts in the centre hiding behind his pawns (Offensive Linemen). He can change the Coach’s strategy if he sees the opposition are ready for it. The Running Back is the Queen, because if the Quarterback hands him the ball the Running Back keeps going as far as he can until he’s tackled. The Wide Receivers can be: - Rooks, when their tactic is to run straight downfield a long way and catch a pass from the Quarterback - Bishops, when their tactic is to swerve infield and catch a pass from the Quarterback - Knights, when their tactic is to run a crooked path and catch a pass from the Quarterback Offensive Linemen are sort of pawns, but they can move backwards. If the Quarterback calls for a run, they generally charge forward to push enemy Defensive Linemen out of the way. If he calls for a pass, they will generally drop back and block to protect the Quarterback while the Wide Receivers run into position. P.S. Tight Ends are Offensive Linemen who can either block or act as Wide Receivers. Each Football play is a single move in a chess game. Both are timed and a team has a time limit of 60 minutes for all its plays. ---
**Author:** ![satoridt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@satoridt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/satoridt)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/22 "2008-12-29T22:02:55Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’ll be rooting for the Vikings. No!! Terrible mistake!!! Do not go down that path! \*spoken by a diehard Packer fan exiled to Minneapolis ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/23 "2008-12-29T22:07:31Z")
> [@glee](#): > > Each Football play is a single move in a chess game. Both are timed and a team has a time limit of 60 minutes for all its plays. And this is where the analogy breaks down. It’s decent for describing the positions, but horrible for describing play, since all pieces move at the same time in a single “turn”. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/24 "2008-12-29T22:36:13Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > …What sort of football questions should I ask a Vikings fan during small talk? You could ask if they think Tevaris Jackson is truly their quarterback of the future, or if they think Adrian Peterson can stay healthy. Any good fan will already have positions they think need upgrades going into the draft, if not specific college prospects in mind if you ask about it. I can go into mind-numbing detail on how to predict penalties if you want, but there’s not much payoff. ---
**Author:** ![DSYoungEsq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DSYoungEsq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSYoungEsq)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/25 "2008-12-29T22:39:05Z")
Somehow, I am thinking **Diogenes** must be just furious that someone who knows nothing about football gets to watch his Vikings in person at the playoff game. That is, unless Dio gets to score playoff tix himself. 😉 But I’m still not quite able to congratulate Dio on the Vikings making the playoffs… ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/26 "2008-12-29T23:07:31Z")
I would suggest not trying to fake football knowledge that you don’t have. It will probably be both obvious and slightly annoying (“Hooray! We made a score-point! Now the score is 7 to 14.”) Better just to stick to things that are obviously true (“Wow, that guy is fast”), and perhaps find someone \*without a strong rooting interest in the game \*who would enjoy walking you through the basics. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/27 "2008-12-30T00:49:21Z")
Yeah, faking knowledge at a playoff game is just going to make you stick out, as everyone thinks of their friends who couldn’t score a ticket. As for assimilating the advice here, there seems to be a fairly high noise:signal ratio, especially for a beginner. Just stick to the absolute basics so you know what’s going on and can ask meaningful questions relevant to your lack of understanding of the game. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/28 "2008-12-30T09:54:09Z")
Sample talking points: Do say: “Brian Westbrook is the strongest man in the NFL. He carries 53 men on his back every week.” Don’t say: “Doesn’t Andy Reid look like a cuddler?” ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/29 "2008-12-30T10:24:15Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I won’t go that far as to faking it, but I might ask about him. People are always happy to show off what they know. > > In fact, now that I think on it, that’s exactly the sort of thing I should do. What sort of football questions should I ask a Vikings fan during small talk? Yes, you should. Faking will be obvious. Many Vikings fans are unhappy with their head coach. Ask people what they think. The Vikings have used two very different quarterbacks this year (this is by far the most important player – he is the one that controls which other players get the ball). Both players have had mixed results. Ask people to explain their choice – the talented but erratic young Jackson or the veteran Frerotte (Or should they look to get someone else for next season)? Ask about football indoors versus outdoors; many people think football should be strictly an outdoor game. When Minnesota has the ball be sure to keep your eyes on their #28, Adrian Peterson. He is the best ballcarrier on the planet right now, and the best player on either team. Easy way to impress serious fans: try to observe things happening away from the ball, especially the line play. Most casual fans just follow the ball on every play Keep an occasional eye on Minnesota’s #40, Kleinsasser, and you’ll see him make some excellent blocks (“blocking” = getting in the way of defenders who are trying to get the man with the ball). Make an observation along the lines of “that was a good run by Peterson, but I noticed that #40 really did a great job clearing the way for him.” ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/30 "2008-12-30T10:49:53Z")
Unless your clients are idiots, they will spot a faker from a mile away. Better to be honest and say you don’t really follow football. Sure, they’ll think “what kind of MAN are you?” but at least you’ll have credit for being honest. Or else send me in your place, and I’ll impress them with my football knowledge and secure whatever contract/business deal you were working on. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Sensitive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/58956e/32.png) [@Darth\_Sensitive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Sensitive)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/31 "2008-12-30T16:15:37Z")
Found this a while ago while trying to figure out the difference between X, Y, and Z receivers. You don’t need to know that, but the rest is helpful! [http://www1.phillyburbs.com/football101/index.shtml](http://www1.phillyburbs.com/football101/index.shtml) ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/32 "2008-12-30T16:33:32Z")
> [@VarlosZ](#): > > I would suggest not trying to fake football knowledge that you don’t have. It will probably be both obvious and slightly annoying (“Hooray! We made a score-point! Now the score is 7 to 14.”) > > Better just to stick to things that are obviously true (“Wow, that guy is fast”), and perhaps find someone \*without a strong rooting interest in the game \*who would enjoy walking you through the basics. [QUOTE=Cuckoorex] Unless your clients are idiots, they will spot a faker from a mile away. Better to be honest and say you don’t really follow football. Sure, they’ll think “what kind of MAN are you?” but at least you’ll have credit for being honest. Or else send me in your place, and I’ll impress them with my football knowledge and secure whatever contract/business deal you were working on. [/QUOTE] You’re right, of course, which is why I abandoned the idea of cramming in post 16. At this point I’m looking for stuff to ask the client about football that will get her pontificating. Like the quarterback thing. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/33 "2008-12-30T16:34:57Z")
> [@Erdosain](#): > > Sample talking points: > > Do say: “Brian Westbrook is the strongest man in the NFL. He carries 53 men on his back every week.” I’m still planning to plead nerdhood, of course, so it doesn’t matter…but what does that mean? I thought there were only 11 players on the team? ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/34 "2008-12-30T16:44:43Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m still planning to plead nerdhood, of course, so it doesn’t matter…but what does that mean? I thought there were only 11 players on the team? 11 men on the field at one time, but a maximum of 53 players on the roster; the joke here is that he “carries” his team (including the coach, I suppose, which would add up to 53 since he himself is the 53rd player), being the best player. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/35 "2008-12-30T16:45:32Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > 11 men on the field at one time, but a maximum of 53 players on the roster; the joke here is that he “carries” his team, being the best player. Gotcha. I didn’t realize the rosters were that big. ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/36 "2008-12-30T16:51:45Z")
As for general football-type stuff to ask about, you might say something like, “I keep hearing people talk about the [Wildcat offense](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wildcat_offense); do you think NFL teams are going to use it more, or is it just a novelty that will wear out as defenses adjust to it?” Alternatively, you might ask if she thinks that the Vikings ought to try the Wildcat offense, as it would get the ball directly to Adrian Peterson or Chester Taylor (two excellent running backs, with Peterson being possibly the best in the league) minimizing the risk of the quarterback fumbling the snap or handoff. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/37 "2008-12-30T16:54:10Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > As for general football-type stuff to ask about, you might say something like, “I keep hearing people talk about the [Wildcat offense](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wildcat_offense); do you think NFL teams are going to use it more, or is it just a novelty that will wear out as defenses adjust to it?” That fits in with my current plan, which is to be entirely forthright, admit I don’t know a damn thing about the sport except how to spell it and that it has some mysterious connection to propitiating Freyja with a blood sacrifice, and ask to be educated. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/38 "2008-12-30T17:43:27Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Also, Philly fans are notoriously obnoxious. They’ve been known to boo Santa, among other indiscretions. Yeah, stick to this, the old tried and true “bash Philadelphia” gambit. You’ll fit right in with nearly every chucklehead sports fan in the country. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/39 "2008-12-30T19:04:30Z")
When the team you are rooting for is on defense and the other team makes a sizable gain, scream out, “That’s fucking holding! Where’s the fucking flag?” The converse is when your team is on offense and the defense makes a great play on them and keeps them from gaining yards, scream out, “Interferance! Where’s the fucking flag?” You’ll look like a genius. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086/40 "2008-12-30T19:25:49Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > When the team you are rooting for is on defense and the other team makes a sizable gain, scream out, “That’s fucking holding! Where’s the fucking flag?” > > The converse is when your team is on offense and the defense makes a great play on them and keeps them from gaining yards, scream out, “Interferance! Where’s the fucking flag?” > > You’ll look like a genius. Do they have the same players on the field for both offense and defense, or do they swap out? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anybody-help-me-fake-some-football-basics/479086.md?page=3)