# Can anyone explain this light bulb joke? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 20, 2010, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322 "2010-11-20T11:15:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/21 "2010-11-24T00:15:05Z")
Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a lightbulb? Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000000000000 One. Any more would be illogical. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/22 "2010-11-24T06:00:44Z")
How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? How many can you afford? ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/23 "2010-11-24T07:08:10Z")
How many black guys does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, you fucking racist ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/24 "2010-11-24T07:26:20Z")
How many **Diogenes the Cynic** s does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him. 🙂 How many new age poets does it take to change a light bulb? Fish swim at the edge of my consciousness. ---
**Author:** ![drillrod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@drillrod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drillrod)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/25 "2010-11-24T08:36:41Z")
How many Army Rangers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change the light bulb and two to stand around and talk about how tough it was back when they had to do it. Note: Pretty much any military subgroup can be substituted. ---
**Author:** ![kjbrasda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/74df32/32.png) [@kjbrasda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kjbrasda)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/26 "2010-11-24T09:43:45Z")
How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go for a bike ride? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/27 "2010-11-24T10:16:28Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I told this joke as described in my earlier post at work today, and got a huge laugh. Now one of my coworkers says he’s going to use it in an Edinburgh show! Good find. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/28 "2010-11-24T10:28:14Z")
How many Irish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. “You just go down the pub and I’ll sit here in the dark” ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/29 "2010-11-24T11:14:40Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > How many **Diogenes the Cynic** s does it take to change a lightbulb? How many **Shodan** s does it take to regard a lightbulb? ---
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/30 "2010-11-24T11:48:05Z")
How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? [spoiler]One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @\*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE RUBBISH!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF RUBBISH THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS… I’m sorry… what did you ask me?[/spoiler] Note: Old classic, but this specific text has been stolen from [http://www.jokefile.co.uk/numerical\_order/1192.html](http://www.jokefile.co.uk/numerical_order/1192.html) ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/31 "2010-11-24T11:53:01Z")
This is a joke thread, not an opportunity to insult other members. Do not substitute in SDMB usernames. > [@PlainJain](#): > > How many **Diogenes the Cynic** s does it take to change a lightbulb? > > Just one. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him. 🙂 > [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > How many **Shodan** s does it take to regard a lightbulb? Thanks, **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/32 "2010-11-24T12:07:13Z")
How many SDMB moderators does it take to shut down a thread? One, but the issue will be reopened in ATMB. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/33 "2010-11-24T12:33:18Z")
> [@yojimbo](#): > > How many Irish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb? > None. “You just go down the pub and I’ll sit here in the dark” This one made me laugh. ::twitch:: How many Conservatives does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Ten… 1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed 2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed 3. One to blame the Democrats for overusing the light bulb 4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either “for” changing the light bulb or “for” darkness 5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb 6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: “Light Bulb Change Accomplished” 7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how the Administration was completely in the dark 8. One to viciously smear #7 9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how the Republican Platform has been strong on light-bulb-changing policy all along 10. One to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing in a light bulb and screwing up the country. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/34 "2010-11-24T17:06:09Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > This is a joke thread, not an opportunity to insult other members. Do not substitute in SDMB usernames. Mine was certainly _not_ intended as an insult — I have no “history” with **Shodan** and have no reason or motivation to insult him. My sincere apologies if it appeared that way. My “target”, if anything, was the whinging about his signature that pops up from time to time, but I can see how that might not have been obvious. Again, I apologize. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/35 "2010-11-24T17:09:19Z")
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fifteen. Three to paint the giraffe, and eight to fill the bathtub with brightly-coloured machine tools. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/36 "2010-11-24T17:41:17Z")
How many minimalists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/37 "2010-11-24T17:50:12Z")
How many running-dog plutocrats of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production! ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2010, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/38 "2010-11-24T18:37:01Z")
Since I’m a bass player… Q: How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Four. One to hold the bulb in the socket and three to drink until the room spins. A: None. The piano player can do it with her left hand. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/39 "2010-11-27T19:39:37Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > Mine was certainly _not_ intended as an insult — I have no “history” with **Shodan** and have no reason or motivation to insult him. My sincere apologies if it appeared that way. My “target”, if anything, was the whinging about his signature that pops up from time to time, but I can see how that might not have been obvious. > > Again, I apologize. FWIW, it didn’t come across as insulting, at least to me. Regards, LightBulb ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2010, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322/40 "2010-11-27T22:15:38Z")
How many priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Priests can’t screw. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-anyone-explain-this-light-bulb-joke/561322.md?page=3)