# Can gorillas play in the NFL? Would they be any good? **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [February 13, 2012, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673 "2012-02-13T04:47:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/1 "2012-02-13T04:47:44Z")
Male gorillas are far stronger than humans and very intelligent by animal standards. On the surface, they seem to have the attributes necessary to play gridiron or rugby. Are they smart enough to learn and play? Would their difficulty lobbing things or running on two legs be a unsumountable problem? What position would they be best suited to? [troll]Are players smart enough to learn to communicate with them?[/troll] Lets ignore problems of speciesism, insurance issues and animal rights. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/2 "2012-02-13T05:01:42Z")
I’ve seen a few knuckle dragging linemen. 😃 Real Gorillas are too intelligent for football. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/3 "2012-02-13T05:10:20Z")
“OK, show me where in the rulebook it says a donkey can’t kick field goals! Oh, you can’t find it? Then Francis can play!” ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/4 "2012-02-13T05:18:11Z")
I doubt they could be trained to follow all the rules. You might be able to get them not to have a flag thrown for off sides, but things like face mask and unnecessary roughness would be very difficult. Not to mention being easily distracted by bananas… ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/5 "2012-02-13T05:31:28Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > I’ve seen a few knuckle dragging linemen. 😃 I see the smilee but just to clarify, I thought the myth of the stupid gridiron player came from elite players being let into schools they wouldn’t have got in on grades alone. Thus making them relatively stupid compared to the student body, but not at all stupid in absolute terms. > [@John\_Mace](#): > > I doubt they could be trained to follow all the rules. You might be able to get them not to have a flag thrown for off sides, but things like face mask and unnecessary roughness would be very difficult. Not to mention being easily distracted by bananas… Yes, that’s what I suspect… gridiron/rugby have a lot of rules, and some of them would be hard to teach without a firm common language. One of the smartest and most studied gorillas known today, Koko ignores the social prohibition against groping the breasts of unwilling women. Despite having many experts to disclipline her As for bananas, just feed them before hand. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/6 "2012-02-13T05:35:41Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > As for bananas, just feed them before hand. Then you’re left with another problem: Gorilla shit all over the field. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/7 "2012-02-13T05:37:14Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > Then you’re left with another problem: Gorilla shit all over the field. That’s a-okay, the British rugby team do it all the time…🙂 ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/8 "2012-02-13T05:50:57Z")
Almost too stupid to live, but… Moved from General Questions to MPSIMS. **samclem** , Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/9 "2012-02-13T06:00:43Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > Then you’re left with another problem: Gorilla shit all over the field. It only really becomes a problem when they try the forward pass. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/10 "2012-02-13T06:36:31Z")
I am reminded of a line you will all know involving someone equally hairy pulling people’s arms out of their sockets when they lose. It may not be so much _whether they can play_ as whether anyone would be silly enough to play against them. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Ayebaw](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darth_ayebaw/32/9870_2.png) [@Darth\_Ayebaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Ayebaw)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/11 "2012-02-13T07:02:05Z")
A gorilla is fairly intelligent, and can run as fast as a human, but aren’t they physically incapable of throwing a football the way it’d need to be thrown? I mean they left the trees (other than for sleeping) even earlier than the chimps, and not even chimps can throw like humans. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/12 "2012-02-13T07:25:46Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > I am reminded of a line you will all know involving someone equally hairy pulling people’s arms out of their sockets when they lose. It may not be so much _whether they can play_ as whether anyone would be silly enough to play against them. Yeah, given that the gorilla can literally rip my face off or rip me limb from limb you won’t see me standing across him from the line of scrimmage. ---
**Author:** ![nivlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@nivlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nivlac)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/13 "2012-02-13T09:05:48Z")
Well, the only positions I can see gorillas playing would be one of the rushing positions on defense. They can certainly do a good bull rush. They wouldn’t have the speed to play off the line. On offense, the only position I can imagine a gorilla playing would be as a ball carrier. Give him the ball and let him rip ahead. He’ll make his old hole. I don’t see a gorilla as being capable of playing QB because of all the ball handling skills required or a receiver because of lack of speed and agility. OTOH if you can train a gorilla to catch a dink pass and run with it, who knows if anyone can take him down before a big gain. Might be fun to see a gorilla league, the GFL! ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/14 "2012-02-13T12:59:35Z")
Gorillas couldn’t play offense; I doubt they would be able to stay set for the snap. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/15 "2012-02-13T13:40:23Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Gorillas couldn’t play offense; I doubt they would be able to stay set for the snap. Isn’t that only if their on the line? Set him up in the backfield! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/16 "2012-02-13T14:00:15Z")
Moved MPSIMS --\> the Game Room. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/17 "2012-02-13T14:56:18Z")
> [@samclem](#): > > Almost too stupid to live, but… > > Moved from General Questions to MPSIMS. > > **samclem** , Moderator Yeesh, that’s a really harsh comment! I think the general question is interesting: How complex can the games played by great apes be? Can a chimp learn to play even a simplified version of checkers, for example? Can orangutans learn dodgeball? I honestly don’t think these are stupid or uninteresting questions. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/18 "2012-02-13T15:13:33Z")
It would not be safe to play against gorillas, they are far too strong. In the excitement of play, the chance of them mangling their human opponents accidentally would be too great. ---
**Author:** ![RalfCoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@RalfCoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RalfCoder)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/19 "2012-02-13T15:44:42Z")
> [@Evil\_Captor](#): > > It would not be safe to play against gorillas, they are far too strong. In the excitement of play, the chance of them mangling their human opponents accidentally would be too great. Yeah, I’m picturing a defensive player doing the math: “Let their team get a TD, or risk getting packed down tightly into my own helmet by a 500 lb. silverback? 6 points, it is! We’ll block the extra point if their kicker manages to even connect with the ball, and throw a pass over their hairy short defensive line for an answering TD. They’ll never block an extra point kick, so we’ll win on those”. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673/20 "2012-02-13T15:47:27Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > Lets ignore problems of speciesism, insurance issues and animal rights. How about the problem of them being incapable of legally signing a player contract? 🙂 Getting beyond that, I’m skeptical that you could train them to be disciplined enough to consistently follow plays, stay onsides, not commit unsportsmanlike conduct penalties, etc. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-gorillas-play-in-the-nfl-would-they-be-any-good/612673.md?page=2)