# Can I date a High Schooler? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 25, 2008, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389 "2008-11-25T04:29:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![1010011010](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/ea666f/32.png) [@1010011010](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1010011010)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/101 "2008-11-25T19:13:56Z")
I’d give you the same advice if you were a college kid talking about a 18 year old who hadn’t graduated yet. Even if you _can_ the fact that you even asked means you _shouldn’t_. Your doubt or concern over what other people think will poison the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/102 "2008-11-25T19:19:42Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I had a friend of mine who dated a high school girl. We used to make fun of him mercilessly. At that was when we were juniors in college and she was a senior in HS. Same thing happened in my social circle when my 19 year old friend decided to bring his 16 year old girlfriend to the pub with us. Even at 19 we thought 16 was too young. ---
**Author:** ![Archergal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Archergal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Archergal)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/103 "2008-11-25T19:29:50Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#): > > They’re both right, of course; however, when my husband was 27, I was 7. :eek: Yeah, when I was 27, my husband was 11. :eek: But I didn’t meet/start dating him till he was 24. Don’t date a 16 y.o. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/104 "2008-11-25T19:30:22Z")
> [@brazil84](#): > > There are a few potential legal traps here. Even if the age of consent is 16 where you are, what if you take a naked pic of her? In that case, anti-pornography laws might come into play. Of course there are also laws against serving alcohol to minors. This is one of the things I find interesting about the Dope in general. He just asks if he should be dating her. And already we start discussing the ramifications of when she’s drunk and posting for nude pictures. Dude, he hasn’t even got to second base yet. All in good time. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/105 "2008-11-25T19:34:31Z")
Longest pile-on ever without the OP’s involvement. Woohoo! ---
**Author:** ![Sanity\_Challenged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de053/32.png) [@Sanity\_Challenged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sanity_Challenged)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/106 "2008-11-25T19:45:59Z")
Date her? Why bother? Just take her behind the woodshed and diddle her like a normal pedophile. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/107 "2008-11-25T19:51:14Z")
> [@Sanity\_Challenged](#): > > Date her? Why bother? Just take her behind the woodshed and diddle her like a normal pedophile. Paedophiles are normal? Who would have thunk it? ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/108 "2008-11-25T19:57:26Z")
I’m 27 and I cannot even imagine dating someone younger than, say, 22. Even that would be weird, and it would have to be a smarter and more mature than average 22. That this girl seems more mature than her years tells me one of two things, freejooky: 1. She knows how to talk the talk - she has been praised and “rewarded” for carrying on mature, adult conversations, so she does so. It doesn’t mean she knows anything about living or acting as an adult, just how to superficially talk like one. I meet teenagers like this all the time, it’s very common. I have a teenage cousin that you would think as wise as any 30-something after talking to her for an hour, but spend a few days with her and it becomes very clear that she is her age. or 1. You’re really, really immature. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/109 "2008-11-25T20:02:33Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > 1. She knows how to talk the talk - she has been praised and “rewarded” for carrying on mature, adult conversations, so she does so. It doesn’t mean she knows anything about living or acting as an adult, just how to superficially talk like one. I meet teenagers like this all the time, it’s very common. I have a teenage cousin that you would think as wise as any 30-something after talking to her for an hour, but spend a few days with her and it becomes very clear that she is her age. I have noticed that if I’m talking to a teenager for 5 minutes and I don’t hear the word “like” 50 times or so, I am impressed. It doesn’t take much for a teenager to rise above their peers in that regard. ---
**Author:** ![Telcontar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/110 "2008-11-25T20:04:11Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > Longest pile-on ever without the OP’s involvement. > > Woohoo! Why should he respond to this cesspool? He’s gotten good responses from John DiFool, Chowder, Rigamarole, lobotomyboy63, Itsinthecards, Agent Foxtrot, and some others, but about as many responses specifically call him a pedophile or liken him to one. If I were him I’d never have made it to the second page, as the tone of the comments on the first disgusts me. Yes, this situation is unusual and there are ample reasons for extreme caution, but take a pill or something. Not everyone who sees the world differently than you is mentally defective or morally bankrupt. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/111 "2008-11-25T20:06:47Z")
> [@Telcontar](#): > > Why should he respond to this cesspool? He’s gotten good responses from John DiFool, Chowder, Rigamarole, lobotomyboy63, Itsinthecards, Agent Foxtrot, and some others, but about as many responses specifically call him a pedophile or liken him to one. If I were him I’d never have made it to the second page, as the tone of the comments on the first disgusts me. Yes, this situation is unusual and there are ample reasons for extreme caution, but take a pill or something. Not everyone who sees the world differently than you is mentally defective or morally bankrupt. Very true, why should he respond to such false accusations. If anything he would be an ephebophile. Get your terminology right people! ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/112 "2008-11-25T20:08:17Z")
> [@Telcontar](#): > > Why should he respond to this cesspool? He’s gotten good responses from John DiFool, Chowder, Rigamarole, lobotomyboy63, Itsinthecards, Agent Foxtrot, and some others, but about as many responses specifically call him a pedophile or liken him to one. If I were him I’d never have made it to the second page, as the tone of the comments on the first disgusts me. Yes, this situation is unusual and there are ample reasons for extreme caution, but take a pill or something. Not everyone who sees the world differently than you is mentally defective or morally bankrupt. I was commenting more on the popularity of the topic than the lack of the OPs involvement. I really haven’t seen a pile-on get this long without the OP trying to defend himself or something. ---
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/113 "2008-11-25T20:09:04Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > This is one of the things I find interesting about the Dope in general. He just asks if he should be dating her. And already we start discussing the ramifications of when she’s drunk and posting for nude pictures. > [@Oakminster](#): > > I note that the OP has not returned to this thread, despite two pages of replies. > > Hmmmm… > [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > Longest pile-on ever without the OP’s involvement. > > Woohoo! [ol] [li]Jail [/li][li]Still behind the Barn[/li][li]Another message board or chan looking for a different aswer[/li][/ol] ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/114 "2008-11-25T20:12:37Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > I have noticed that if I’m talking to a teenager for 5 minutes and I don’t hear the word “like” 50 times or so, I am impressed. It doesn’t take much for a teenager to rise above their peers in that regard. I went to see Twilight (not sure why) and the girl in that seemed preternaturally witty and intelligent, especially for someone who is supposedly someone who doesn’t fit in. That was actually more jarringly unrealistic to me than that whole vampire business. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/115 "2008-11-25T20:14:09Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > I have noticed that if I’m talking to a teenager for 5 minutes and I don’t hear the word “like” 50 times or so, I am impressed. It doesn’t take much for a teenager to rise above their peers in that regard. Like, totally. My daughter is 17. Some of her friends are very attractive. Then they speak. And I am reminded rather forcefully that these are children. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/116 "2008-11-25T20:21:52Z")
Heh, that song was just on… She’s just 16 years old; Leave her alone, they say. Separated by fools, who don’t know what love is yet. ---
**Author:** ![beanpod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9adbd/32.png) [@beanpod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beanpod)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/117 "2008-11-25T20:47:36Z")
**Loach** , you’re right that quite a few states have age of consent laws that are under 18. I did provide bad information, so I went to look. I’m not a lawyer, and I’m not in a profession that’s related to the legal system. Also, admittedly, this is just Wikipedia, which makes some people roll their eyes when offered as a cite. But: [Age of consent in North America - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America#United_States) > [@](#): > > age of consent 16: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, District of Columbia, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia > > age of consent 17: Colorado, Illinois, Louisiana, Missouri, Nebraska, New York, Texas > > age of consent 18: Arizona, California, Delaware, Florida, Idaho, North Dakota, Oregon, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming. 31 states & the District of Columbia have 16 as the age of consent. That’s a large majority of the United States, and I’m surprised and stand corrected. (We don’t even know of he’s in the U.S., but given the lack of information and the fact that most people on the board are from the U.S., I believe, let’s go with that.) Looking at the states that have age of consent laws of 18, still from that Wikipedia article, quite a few have exceptions where it’s illegal if the person over 18 is in a “position of authority” over the minor, sometimes examples include teachers, legal guardians, etc. Also, we have this federal law: “{Chapter 117, 18 U.S.C. 2422(b)} forbids the use of the United States Postal Service or other interstate or foreign means of communication, such as telephone calls or use of the internet, to persuade or entice a minor (defined as under 18 throughout chapter) to be involved in a criminal sexual act. The act has to be illegal under state or federal law to be charged with a crime under 2422(b), and can even be applied to situations where both parties reside within the same state but use an instant messenger program whose servers are located in another state.” Seems like that could be a problem that they could easily run into, given they met on Facebook. Also, re: whether he’s talking about a sexual relationship or not, I think it’s kind of silly for people to assume that “dating” means no sex but an emotionally involved relationship. When I say “dating,” I mean an emotional relationship that eventually leads to a sexual and emotional relationship over time. Since he didn’t offer any information about waiting for sex, I think it’s a little odd to assume that of course he’s going to wait until she’s emotionally mature. This is a 27 year old asking if he can date a 16 year old. Where I live, that is out of the ordinary, to say the least. Personally, my problem with the whole thing is: 1. She’s probably not at the same level of emotional maturity as a 27 year old, and if the relationship failed while she was still young, it could have more of a lasting effect on her than it does on him. He should wait a few years. I stand by it being socially unacceptable and morally questionable. 2. It _is_ illegal in quite a few places, and he didn’t say anything about where he is, so it’s a valid concern. Especially since he didn’t say “I’m only talking about an emotional connection. I wouldn’t have sex with her until she’s legally and emotionally ready.” But I retract that if they’re in a place where it’s not illegal. 3. Why walk this annoying tightrope when you can wait 2 years and be home free? At that point, I, personally, still think that a relationship between an 18 year old and a 29 year old is to large a gap–but it would be none of my business. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/118 "2008-11-25T20:56:35Z")
Every time I open this thread, it’s always with the same thought: “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth-Grader?” ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/119 "2008-11-25T21:18:29Z")
I think **freejooky** started this thread to keep all the scandalized bluenoses sitting at their computers telling him how horrible he is, while he sneaks off to canoodle with his jailbait sweetheart. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/120 "2008-11-25T21:19:15Z")
> [@Freejooky](#): > > Though she _looks_ 16, she just blew me away with her maturity, humor, and candor - the total _Juno_ effect, and then some. Precocious doesn’t even begin to touch it based on our first and following conversations. I can honestly say that she’s more intelligent, mature, and **adult** than any woman I’ve dated in my age range, and she frankly puts them to shame. Ah, the delusion effect. Funny how when a 16 year old with a hot 16 year old body pays attention to you she suddenly becomes the most intelligent, funny, mature girl you’ve ever met. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389.md?page=7)