# Can I date a High Schooler? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 25, 2008, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389 "2008-11-25T04:29:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/121 "2008-11-25T21:25:22Z")
[QUOTE=freejooky] Though she looks 16, she just blew me [/QUOTE] This would actually explain a large part of the attraction. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/122 "2008-11-25T21:45:14Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > What is it about you that you can’t attract an intelligent, mature, adult woman your own age? I really, really, really hate this question. Some simple facts: 1. Attraction is not a conscious decision. You meet/get to know somebody, and you either find them attractive or you don’t. 2. You cannot attract somebody you’ve never met, and nobody gets to meet everybody. We all have a finite pool of people to interact with. Work schedules and personal circumstances can limit opportunities to expand the circle of people we interact with, so it shouldn’t be surprising when, in a random social situation, you might encounter somebody that you find attractive. 3. There’s a difference between “can’t attract” and “chooses not to attract”. I personally know plenty of intelligent, mature, adult women. I could probably attract several of them if I put my mind to it. Some of them have been attracted to me without any deliberate action on my part. But the thing is that “attract **ed** to me” does not always go hand-in-hand with “attract **ive** to me”. And frankly, “intelligent, mature, and adult” does not automatically equal “attractive”. I’m not interested in settling down with a woman I find only marginally attractive simply because she’s socially acceptable. 4. I’m considerably older than the OP and so I can point out another factor: the older I get, the greater the odds that an attractive woman in my own age group is _married to somebody else_. And honestly, regardless of how attractive a woman is to me physically or personality-wise, there is no quicker turn-off for me than learning that she’s married. I won’t even go there. So if I’m looking for a romantic partner (which, at this point, I’m really not), my odds of finding an unmarried woman are going to improve dramatically if I look outside of my own age group. That said, at my age (42) I’m not going to go after high school girls. I have one firm rule: I won’t date a girl whose dad is younger than me 😃 > [@appleciders](#): > > If you’re asking the question, you already know the answer. “When a man asks your advice, it is to endorse something foolish he has already done.” – Tommy Dewar (1864-1930) > [@Loach](#): > > The questions was “can” he date her. You give bad information. In many states probably even most, it would be legal. And not just in the South. For instance in New Jersey the age is 16 unless the older person is in a position of authority (such as her teacher). In some states it is younger. Same basic law in Washington state. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/123 "2008-11-25T21:50:08Z")
Of course, if you’re rich enough or famous enough, the parents probably wouldn’t mind. \*When he was in his late thirties, Seinfeld began a romantic relationship with then-seventeen year old high school student Shoshanna Lonstein.[11] By his early forties they were engaged, however the engagement ended in 1997 when Shoshanna graduated from the University of California, Los Angeles.[citation needed] \* > **[Jerry Seinfeld](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Seinfeld)** > > Jerome Allen Seinfeld (/ˈsaɪnfɛld/ SYNE-feld; born April 29, 1954) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer. He is best known for having played a semi-fictionalized version of himself in the sitcom Seinfeld (1989–1998), which he created and wrote with Larry David. The show aired on NBC from 1989 until 1998, becoming one of the most acclaimed and popular sitcoms of all time. As a stand-up comedian, Seinfeld specializes in observational comedy. In 2004, Comedy Central named ... [http://www.fortunecity.co.uk/cinerama/comedy/300/0118/acshoshanna.jpg](http://www.fortunecity.co.uk/cinerama/comedy/300/0118/acshoshanna.jpg) :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Telcontar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/124 "2008-11-25T22:18:24Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > 1. I’m considerably older than the OP and so I can point out another factor: the older I get, the greater the odds that an attractive woman in my own age group is _married to somebody else_. And honestly, regardless of how attractive a woman is to me physically or personality-wise, there is no quicker turn-off for me than learning that she’s married. I won’t even go there. So if I’m looking for a romantic partner (which, at this point, I’m really not), my odds of finding an unmarried woman are going to improve dramatically if I look outside of my own age group. That said, at my age (42) I’m not going to go after high school girls. I have one firm rule: I won’t date a girl whose dad is younger than me 😃 The “the good ones are already married” issue has already arisen for me…and I’ve just turned 25. Well, if I’m still single at 35 I can always look around for the first round divorcees… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Dublin11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Dublin11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dublin11)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/125 "2008-11-25T23:07:03Z")
> [@Telcontar](#): > > Why should he respond to this cesspool? He’s gotten good responses from John DiFool, Chowder, Rigamarole, lobotomyboy63, Itsinthecards, Agent Foxtrot, and some others, but about as many responses specifically call him a pedophile or liken him to one. If I were him I’d never have made it to the second page, as the tone of the comments on the first disgusts me. Yes, this situation is unusual and there are ample reasons for extreme caution, but take a pill or something. Not everyone who sees the world differently than you is mentally defective or morally bankrupt. Yeah, but come on. Anyone who posts any sort of a thread in any forum on The Dope must know that he’s not going to be met with 100% of responders telling him that he is absolutely in the right, his powers of deduction are spot on and that he should proceed without haste, forthwith; accompanied by blessings from all and wishes of eternal good luck. If you ask people for their opinions you’re going to get them. If you don’t want to know what other people think, why even ask in the first place? Not returning, either to defend yourself in the face of abuse or criticism or to acknowledge the ones who you - Telcontar - think gave useful or thoughtful advice just seems to make the whole thread a bit of a pointless exercise. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/126 "2008-11-25T23:18:43Z")
> [@Dublin11](#): > > Not returning, either to defend yourself in the face of abuse or criticism or to acknowledge the ones who you - Telcontar - think gave useful or thoughtful advice just seems to make the whole thread a bit of a pointless exercise. I suppose pointless is one word for it. I was thinking of another, which can’t be used in this forum… ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/127 "2008-11-25T23:28:49Z")
We can’t use “masturbatory” in this forum? A 16 year old girl is attracted to a 27 year old man for a couple of very simple reasons, neither of which have anything to do with the man in question. It makes her feel “special”, what with him telling her how mature she is, and “people just don’t understand”, thus turning her into a tragic heroine in her own mind. To immature people, angst=depth. What you guys have, it’s _deep_, ya know? Gumsmack. ---
**Author:** ![Wilson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@Wilson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wilson)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/128 "2008-11-25T23:38:18Z")
> [@Telcontar](#): > > The “the good ones are already married” issue has already arisen for me…and I’ve just turned 25. Well, if I’m still single at 35 I can always look around for the first round divorcees… > 😛 And if you’re like me, at 38, you’ll “settle” for the three-time divorcee… ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/129 "2008-11-26T00:10:28Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > Of course, if you’re rich enough or famous enough, the parents probably wouldn’t mind. > > \*When he was in his late thirties, Seinfeld began a romantic relationship with then-seventeen year old high school student Shoshanna Lonstein.[11] By his early forties they were engaged, however the engagement ended in 1997 when Shoshanna graduated from the University of California, Los Angeles.[citation needed] \* > > [Jerry Seinfeld - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Seinfeld) > > [http://www.fortunecity.co.uk/cinerama/comedy/300/0118/acshoshanna.jpg](http://www.fortunecity.co.uk/cinerama/comedy/300/0118/acshoshanna.jpg) > :eek: Which at least led to [this great duet](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_VNztiZqDY&feature=related) by Howard Stern and Janis Ian. \*Seinfeld’s girl is seventeen an innocent with double-Ds he saw those breasts and flipped his lid for a real young busty high school kid . . . \* It could be adapted to this situation pretty easily 😛 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/130 "2008-11-26T00:47:56Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > (bolding mine) > > Indeed, difference in genders can truly be a huge barrier to a successful relationship. 😃 > > Although this provokes another question that I’ve been pondering while reading this thread: would the responses here be identical if it was a 27-year old female who wanted to date a 16-year old male? Actually, what I meant was that he has at least two different routes to increased status: 1. being older 2. being male. You could probably add 3. employed and 4. owns a car (I’m guessing about those two) and 5. of age to buy alcohol and 6. has a history of relationships. In her world, these are all important measures of status, and in all of them, she has less of it than he does. It stacks the deck considerably when determining true consent. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/131 "2008-11-26T00:49:04Z")
A good friend of mine is a registered sex offender for life for an age difference less than yours and hers (he was 24 she was 16). He said nothing had happened between them sexually, though he’d spent way too much time with her and had gotten people talking. The girl also said nothing sexual had ever happened between them. Her parents decided to press charges anyway and my friend had to cop an Alfred plea (couldn’t afford a good defense) and it pretty much ruined his life. All it takes is upset parents to get the shit ball rolling on you. Even if you’re chaste and even if you’re “soul mates” or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/132 "2008-11-26T00:52:35Z")
Ignoring the total ick factor here (grown man dating a highschool junior)… I knew a couple who were in this situation. She 16. He 28. At first things were groovey. Then she started to get really, really pissed at him because she was **16** and wanted to do things like hang out at the mall and plan for prom and he was talking about getting married and her pumping out babies. It did not end well. Seriously, don’t do this. As to women your age - if you were 22 or 23 I could buy your gripe because women that age do tend to be crazy psychos. However, by 27 or 28 almost all of them grow out of it and go back to being normal. If you’re not finding normal, cool women your age, you’re not looking in the right spots. I would suggest that parties where 16 year olds hang out is not the right spot. FWIW I’m (just shy) of 36 and my fiance is 24. We get along swimmingly. However, he’s an adult. He can vote. He can drink in every country of the world. Going after high school girls when you’re in your late 20s is just sad. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs\_Johnson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Mrs\_Johnson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs_Johnson)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/133 "2008-11-26T00:58:03Z")
Will you be her prom date? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/134 "2008-11-26T01:00:02Z")
I also would advise you remove her from your Facebook friends list. Honestly, why even give any hint of impropriety. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/135 "2008-11-26T01:15:39Z")
Whats the name of that Sandra Bullock movie where she totally loves the guy because he’s willing to wait 2 full years w/o contacting her? Its what the OP needs to do. ---
**Author:** ![tiger325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/71c47a/32.png) [@tiger325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiger325)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/136 "2008-11-26T01:54:20Z")
no dont even think another second about it ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/137 "2008-11-26T02:28:46Z")
Like **purple haze** , I dated a guy who was 13 years older than I was when I was in high school. And yes, I consider it a skeleton in my closet (well, ooops, not anymore) because it’s just so…eeeew. What was he thinking? What was _ **I** _ thinking? Like others have said, initially it made me feel special. And the fact that I was hiding something from my parents was pretty dramatic and awesome. Then my mother found out. Unlike **purple haze** ’s parents, she didn’t really flip out. She met him, decided to let it happen (she wasn’t really up for parenting at that point in my life) and I have to wonder WTF she was thinking, too. And then, I got bored with him. It did eventually click in for me that there had to be something wrong with him, dating someone that much younger than he was. (I am not assuming something wrong with the OP; just explaining my feelings). So, I dumped him, but am still pretty mortified by the whole thing, almost 25 years later. ---
**Author:** ![VernWinterbottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c67d28/32.png) [@VernWinterbottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VernWinterbottom)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/138 "2008-11-26T03:36:55Z")
When I was 26 I met an amazing 16 year old. We hung out for the next ten or eleven years or so, but never officially “dated.” I did date another girl from her high school class, though. Twenty-three years later I’m playing Scrabble on facebook with girl number one right now. I was online chatting with girl number two earlier tonight. And I’m married to another classmate of theirs. ---
**Author:** ![atomicbadgerrace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@atomicbadgerrace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/atomicbadgerrace)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/139 "2008-11-26T03:38:24Z")
> [@HelloNinja](#): > > I also would advise you remove her from your Facebook friends list. Honestly, why even give any hint of impropriety. :rolleyes: Honestly, there is no more appropriate response. ---
**Author:** ![Telcontar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/140 "2008-11-26T03:46:28Z")
> [@Dublin11](#): > > Yeah, but come on. > Anyone who posts any sort of a thread in any forum on The Dope must know that he’s not going to be met with 100% of responders telling him that he is absolutely in the right, his powers of deduction are spot on and that he should proceed without haste, forthwith; accompanied by blessings from all and wishes of eternal good luck. > > If you ask people for their opinions you’re going to get them. If you don’t want to know what other people think, why even ask in the first place? > > Not returning, either to defend yourself in the face of abuse or criticism or to acknowledge the ones who you - Telcontar - think gave useful or thoughtful advice just seems to make the whole thread a bit of a pointless exercise. Not being met with 100% approval is one thing - I wouldn’t expect 100% approval for a post claiming that the ocean sky, in clear weather, appears blue to most people - but being called a pedophile is another. This isn’t the pit, and we are supposed to be generally polite people. Also, this is technically a case of Hebephilia. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389.md?page=8)