# Can I have a funeral pyre? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [November 11, 2006, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979 "2006-11-11T04:18:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/1 "2006-11-11T04:18:14Z")
I would actually prefer a Viking funeral (well I’d prefer to skip dieing altogether) but I’m willing to settle. Can I get a funeral pyre? In which states? Is it legal anywhere? I want to be cremated but not so thrilled about about being put in an oven like a holiday ham. Any restriction about dancing naked around my burning corpes or toasting mashmallows? ---
**Author:** ![spingears](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@spingears](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spingears)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/2 "2006-11-11T04:27:57Z")
[QUOTE=betenoir] I would actually prefer a Viking funeral but I’m willing to settle. [/QUOTE] Perhaps there is someone who, for a price, will find a locale, and make the arrangements. Getting there on time will be up to you. > [@](#): > > Can I get a funeral pyre? In which states? Is it legal anywhere? I want to be cremated but not so thrilled about about being put in an oven like a holiday ham. Most likely it is not leagal anywhere in US. Might try the desert though. > [@](#): > > Any restriction about dancing naked around my burning corpes or toasting mashmallows? You can do all the naked dancing you like at your funeral. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/3 "2006-11-11T11:34:57Z")
**betenoir** –to get a Viking Funeral, you must be a fully-qualified Viking. Have you sacrificed to Odin, Lord of the Hanged? Was the sacrifice a chicken? A bull? A Thrall? Your Baseball Card Collection? (Preferrred by Lords of the Hanged everywhere.) Have you _pillaged_? Recently? Do you like Spam? If the answer to this last is “yes”, then you may qualify for a Silly Viking Funeral, in which your body is placed on a Giant Rubber Duckie, set ablaze, & cast out to sea. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/4 "2006-11-11T13:21:37Z")
[Not in Minnesota](http://www.revisor.leg.state.mn.us/stats/149A/95.html): > [@](#): > > Subdivision 1. License required. No person shall > cremate a dead human body or cause any dead human body to be > cremated in this state without being licensed by the > commissioner of health. > > … > > Subd. 9. Cremation chamber for human remains. A > licensed crematory shall knowingly cremate only dead human > bodies or human remains in a cremation chamber, along with the > cremation container or casket and a sheet or pouch used for > disease control. I suspect the law is similar in other states. ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/5 "2006-11-11T20:52:19Z")
How about if you held the pyre offshore? Make a raft, lottsa wood and shove off 50 miles from land. The best of pyre and viking…together. ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/6 "2006-11-11T21:09:42Z")
Well, get a local permit for burning yard waste, and make sure you topple over out in your yard. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![mks57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@mks57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mks57)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/7 "2006-11-11T23:37:06Z")
What if you go offshore, outside the territorial limits of the state and the United States? ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/8 "2006-11-11T23:54:56Z")
[QUOTE=mks57] What if you go offshore, outside the territorial limits of the state and the United States? [/QUOTE] You’re still governed by the laws of whatever state or nation your boat is licensed in. ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2006, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/9 "2006-11-12T00:00:30Z")
[QUOTE=t-bonham@scc.net] You’re still governed by the laws of whatever state or nation your boat is licensed in. [/QUOTE] What about burial at sea? ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2006, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/10 "2006-11-12T00:22:17Z")
Wouldn’t cremation, by definition, eliminate the risk of spreading disease? If there’s something out there that is A) going to cause disease and B) can survive the amount of heat required to reduce an average-sized person to ash, I don’t think we’d be able to do a whole hell of a lot about it regardless. ---
**Author:** ![stevesmith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@stevesmith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stevesmith)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2006, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/11 "2006-11-12T04:17:04Z")
Yes, we’ve had this question before - no problem, for you. Before the moderator closes the thread, there is an unanswered question. Are there legal, moral, or ethical questions for the undead/uncharred/dancers/toasters? It will be big trouble anywhere in the east and midwest. Long histories of law, tight union/trade/professional organizations who have lobbied for exclusive rights to BBQ your remains. Best bet is out west preferably in an unincorporated area - fewer laws, less interest. Also, you and fellow cavorters should convert to an appropriate religion that practices funeral pyres as standard practice to introduce you to your eternal afterlife. By all means, the guests should have a death certificate for you as well - clears up a lot if you’re already dead. Local constables more likely to just blow off the event, “Man we’ve got enough sh\*\* going on without chasing this crap.” And this is paramount - use enough fuel (wood, propane for the weber if that’s your choice). No one wants to deal with some smoking ooze. It’ll just piss off the authorities. Go for complete reduction to ash. You can probably search the archives under “spontaneous human combustion” to get some data on what and how much burns. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2006, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/12 "2006-11-12T04:28:34Z")
I don’t believe a funeral pyre can sustain enough heat to reduce a body to ash-you’ll be left with a lot of charred remains. I believe the remaining bone fragments have to be ground up. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2006, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/13 "2006-11-12T04:37:39Z")
[QUOTE=mks57] What if you go offshore, outside the territorial limits of the state and the United States? [/QUOTE] IANAL but I believe the problem is with the unlicenced transportation of a body. ---
**Author:** ![VernWinterbottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c67d28/32.png) [@VernWinterbottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VernWinterbottom)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2006, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/14 "2006-11-12T16:25:40Z")
We have a crematorium in town and I know two of the people who operate it. Even in a chamber, cremated remains are not reduced to ash. Most of the remains of your dearly departed in that jar on the mantle are ground bone. ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2006, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-have-a-funeral-pyre/379979/15 "2006-11-12T17:22:23Z")
[QUOTE=Guinastasia] I don’t believe a funeral pyre can sustain enough heat to reduce a body to ash-you’ll be left with a lot of charred remains. I believe the remaining bone fragments have to be ground up. [/QUOTE] [The famous Gram Parsons cremation apparently had less than stellar results.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gram_Parsons#Death) > [@](#): > > Parsons’ family alleged that Kaufman’s cremation was little more than a drunken hatchet job and succeeded only in mutilating roughly 60% of the corpse.