"Can I pet your dog?" No.

[billfish678]

Does your dog bite?

No.

Grrrr bite bite bite!

I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!

Thats not my dog.

[AHunter3]

Don’t tell them “he bites” or you’re at least moderately likely to get someone asking why the hell you’re letting a biting dog out in such a way that a biting accident might occur. Instead, tell them “He’s got medicines in his fur and if your kid gets it on her hands they’ll itch and burn”.

[Dogzilla]

I have a 75-pound rescued American Bulldog who can be quite skittish with the unfamiliar. Generally, if people talk to her in a high-pitched “good dog” voice, she will walk right up to them. If they walk right up to her, her neck hair goes up, her tail goes down, and she lowers her head. She might even bark at them if they reach down to pet her.

So, when asked, I always say, “She can be very shy, so let HER come to YOU. If she sniffs you and thinks you’re okay, then you can pet her. She’ll let you know if she thinks you’re cool.” If it’s a little kid and there’s no parent around, then it’s a firm, “Sorry, but no. She’s not good around kids.”

A scared dog bites. I am not having my dog become a headline.

So far, she’s done really well with that. People sort of freeze up and let her approach them. After a thorough sniff, she’ll either sit on their foot or flop over on her back and offer her belly. Right after that, she’s their newest best friend and will drag me to their doorstep every time we pass that house, just so she can say hi to her new friend.

[Walkabout]

@sugar_and_spice

What’s kind of a key point for me here is that you were at an art fair, you weren’t just walking the dog in the park or around the block. Art fairs are intended to attract crowds so that vendors make money, and I personally would assume that a dog at a summer outdoor art fair is well socialized and not afraid of strangers. Yeah when you say “No” people should respect that, but I think it’s understandable that the person asking would be thrown by the unexpected response. I also don’t see why it would be such a big deal to add “Oh I wish you could but she’s afraid of strangers” given the context.

This is exactly what I was thinking. If your dog has a lot of problems with other people, maybe you should avoid situations like this. You have a perfect right to say no, but I usually assume when someone brings a dog to a crowded place that the dog is comfortable in places like that.

[stpauler]

@Walkabout

This is exactly what I was thinking. If your dog has a lot of problems with other people, maybe you should avoid situations like this. You have a perfect right to say no, but I usually assume when someone brings a dog to a crowded place that the dog is comfortable in places like that.

The dog is fine around other people that don’t insist on touching him. I’m the same way. If I’m in a group of strangers, I don’t want them touching me either.

[FloatyGimpy]

@stpauler

The dog is fine around other people that don’t insist on touching him. I’m the same way. If I’m in a group of strangers, I don’t want them touching me either.

Comparing human interactions with dog interactions is silly. You don’t (I hope) cram your nose up someones butt if you meet them and don’t scream at them at the top of your lungs if they walk by your yard.

[Rigamarole]

@FloatyGimpy

Comparing human interactions with dog interactions is silly. You don’t (I hope) cram your nose up someones butt if you meet them

Depends on where I meet them.

[bot3]

@FloatyGimpy

Comparing human interactions with dog interactions is silly. You don’t (I hope) cram your nose up someones butt if you meet them and don’t scream at them at the top of your lungs if they walk by your yard.

Well not always, but there’s always a first time

[Why_Child]

@TriPolar

(snip)
Just don’t try to read inside of your dog.

OH!! What is this? Who is this? I’m close, I’m really close, it’s something like, “Outside of a dog, a good book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” Think, think… I know I know it! Argh! Help!

@Dogzilla

(snip)
So, when asked, I always say, “She can be very shy, so let HER come to YOU. If she sniffs you and thinks you’re okay, then you can pet her. She’ll let you know if she thinks you’re cool.” If it’s a little kid and there’s no parent around, then it’s a firm, “Sorry, but no. She’s not good around kids.”
(snip)

Yes. I love dogs and I want to pet every one I see. I’ve gotten all kinds of answers. To date the best answer I’ve gotten was, “Why don’t you just hold your hand down about two feet away, and see if she wants to pet you?” It made me laugh, and also served to remind me that the dog might not want petted. Of course, she did, because…well…dogs love me!! :rolleyes: (Ahahahahaha!!)
Dogzilla’s answer is probably better, though. Children don’t always understand sarcasm, and adults don’t always appreciate it. I also like the “S/he’s a rescue, s/he’s skittish.” answers.

I know I’m repeating others, but here goes… I’m not saying you owe these people an explanation. I think we expect pets to be friendly, and their owners to be friendly, too. If I ask my friend to go to lunch, and s/he said, “Sorry,no.” I’d be hurt, but it softens the blow to hear, “Sorry, no, I have plans.”

[lavenderviolet]

@msmith537

Really the best response is “I’d rather you didn’t pet him. He’s a rescue dog and he gets really nervous uncomfortible with strangers touching him.”

This is the best answer in the thread. Telling the girl that the dog “doesn’t like kids” might have hurt the girl’s feelings and I don’t understand why you put it that way when you could have just told the truth - that the dog is a rescue and is scared by new people.
The vast majority of people will understand if you tell them the truth.

I also agree with those who said it was a good thing that the kid asked instead of just trying to pet the dog. That shows they’re trying to be polite at least, and I think that they deserve politeness in return.

[Moonlitherial]

@Walkabout

This is exactly what I was thinking. If your dog has a lot of problems with other people, maybe you should avoid situations like this. You have a perfect right to say no, but I usually assume when someone brings a dog to a crowded place that the dog is comfortable in places like that.

Socializing rescued dogs requires exposing them to things they’re not comfortable with in a slow controlled manner until they are more comfortable. This means that they could be at art fairs for months before they’re ready to have people touch them at art fairs.

Now if someone brings a dog to a crowded place when it’s not under control and is jumping on people I would agree with you. First manners then socialization.

[Ibanez]

@stpauler

So the question is, do I have some societal duty to let anyone pet my dog that asks?

No you don’t, infact you’re doing society a favour by making the decision whether strangers can or not. Only the owner knows their dogs temperament. Considering how unpredictable some dogs can be… a wise choice.

I love dogs, But I always ask the owner of strange dogs whether I could pet them or not, and respect the answer. If I hear in any shape or form “probably not a good idea” I take heed and move along no matter the breed or size.

[oreally]

@stpauler

You don’t see a difference between me replying “no” versus “Sorry, no”?

Not really. In either case you’re BASICALLY just saying no. Sort of an implied "piss off.’

And if you’re so bothered by people trying to pet your dog or asking about it etc, don’t take the dog. Or wait till it’s more acclimated to such things. This is like going to a playground and then complaining about all the noisy kids. ie what did you expect?

@Brynda

Why did you include the backstory in your OP? Because it was important for us to understand the situation. You instinctively knew that. However, at the art fair, you didn’t include the backstory until you were asked, and then resented giving it.

Rightly or wrongly, most folks expect you to say yes when they ask “Can I pet your dog?” in a situation like an art fair. (think about it–that’s why service dogs have those “no petting” signs) If you are going to violate that expectation, giving a short explanation would make YOUR life easier. You can, of course, choose not to give it, but that will make your life harder. Your choice.

Exactly…

[CarnalK]

@Bass_Chick

Sometimes people approach you when you don’t want to be bothered, but it’s expected for you to smile and pretend otherwise. I do it and I know I’m not the only one.

If you’ll go back and re-read my post’s description of the ideal explanation, it would give you an idea of what I would have said and my possibly hidden thoughts (in parentheses) about saying it.

In some cases, like this one, you don’t need some strategy. Just the short and simple truth would have sufficed. Misanthropic people are often annoyed that the rest of society isn’t as misanthropic as them - until they need directions or change for a dollar. So in the back of your mind, be quietly happy everyone doesn’t share your hidden thoughts.

[j666]

@stpauler

That’s what I’m getting from this thread too. I think in the future, I’ll give a little more like “Sorry, no, he’s really shy.”

Well, that’s fine for the child and other dog lovers, but what about the real villein here?

I think you should have said to the parent, “Because I have your child’s best interests at heart.”

[Aspidistra]

I don’t see anything wrong with “sorry, no”. Sure, a little extra explanation is nice, but you don’t need to get to the point where you’re offering up an essay about your dog’s history half a dozen times an hour.

Mum, on the other hand, is unabashedly rude. And I don’t see how a dog lover could reach the age of eight without having experienced a number of polite refusals already. I’m sure we hear “sorry, no” at least every couple of weeks.

[Senegoid]

@Rigamarole

Pfft. I really, really like girls, but they seldom let me pet them in public.

That’s what’s so good about dogs.

[Chipacabra]

“Sorry, no” is all you need to say.

I’m kind of surprised at some of the responses here. Have none of you ever, you know, interacted with random people? If you lead off with an explanation, people will always, always, try to come up with why your explanation doesn’t apply to them. Oh, he’s shy? That’s OK dogs love me. Oh, he’s nervous? That’s OK he’ll feel better once I start petting him! Oh, he’s a service dog on duty? That’s OK I’ll just pet him anyway.

If someone doesn’t have the empathy to see that a dog doesn’t want to be petted right now, I don’t think you have any obligation to show empathy for their precious snowflake feelings.

[Autolycus]

You should have punched the kid.

[j666]

@Chipacabra

Oh, he’s a service dog on duty? That’s OK I’ll just pet him anyway.

No…

No. People really don’t do that, do they? Really?