# Can I shoot ET? (Need answer fast) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 4, 2009, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249 "2009-11-04T03:15:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/21 "2009-11-04T11:44:44Z")
This is why E.T will be carrying a mobile phone next time he goes wandering off. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/22 "2009-11-04T15:46:09Z")
> [@Declan](#): > > I’d go with no. Something tells me that once some alien ship lands on or about your property, it becomes a federal jurisdiction. Now you might counter with state rights , the fourth amendment and such things, but scully and mulder will be right there telling you that you have just been screwed by DC, here is a check for what they think your property is worth. > > Declan Well, if the check is big enough I might be ok with that, but I’d still be somewhat disappointed. My friends only have stuff like deer heads, fish, or ducks mounted on their walls. Having a sure enough bonafide alien critter stuffed for display would put em all to shame… ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/23 "2009-11-04T15:55:04Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Well, if the check is big enough I might be ok with that, but I’d still be somewhat disappointed. My friends only have stuff like deer heads, fish, or ducks mounted on their walls. Having a sure enough bonafide alien critter stuffed for display would put em all to shame… You’d really be okay with those toilet bowl sized eyes staring at you all day? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/24 "2009-11-04T16:00:00Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > You’d really be okay with those toilet bowl sized eyes staring at you all day? It’s a guy thing. If my buddy gets something, then I want to get a better one of whatever he has. If I get a stuffed alien, that beats hell out of his stupid trophy bass I have to look at every time I visit him. If my stuffed alien is really hideous, I’ll just stick it in the garage or something until my buddy visits… ---
**Author:** ![Driver8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Driver8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Driver8)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/25 "2009-11-04T16:25:04Z")
> [@appleciders](#): > > I think you’d be held to the same restrictions as if the extraterrestrial on your property were an illegal alien, actually. They’ve got none of the same protections that citizens enjoy, but they have some human (yes, I get it, very funny) rights. So you can only shoot ET if he’s threatening you. I’d be very surprised if the laws regarding allowing shooting trespassers differed between illegal immigrants and US citizens. The entire “[illegal immigrants have] none of the same protections that citizens enjoy” argument almost seems to me to be a subset of the “US laws only apply to US citizens” idea, which is horribly wrong. There no doubt are laws that specifically apply only to US citizens, but one can hardly say that other people have “none of the same protections”. You can’t gun down a busload of Japanese tourists (or illegal immigrants for that matter) based on the idea that they have no protection. I’m pretty confident that laws against murder apply to killing people, not just citizens! ---
**Author:** ![Mooch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mooch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mooch)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/26 "2009-11-04T16:32:08Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > 1. How do you cook an alien? If his name is Spewey, he comes with his own sauce (or pudding) and is best barbecued. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/27 "2009-11-04T16:49:09Z")
I think you’re missing the real legal issue. What will ET’s government do about it? If it’s like international law here, they will assume some jurisdiction over killing one of their citizens by anyone, anywhere and will want to prosecute you. While the US presumably doesn’t have an extradition treaty with ET’s government, do you really think that’s going to stop cattle-mutilating, anal-probing greys with rayguns and spaceships? ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/28 "2009-11-04T17:14:25Z")
Oooouuuch! ---
**Author:** ![Jorge\_Burrito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Jorge\_Burrito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jorge_Burrito)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/29 "2009-11-04T17:21:54Z")
You do realize that Aliens almost undoubtedly have access to our primitive Intertube technology. After seeing this thread, I can predict with some confidence that you have an anal probe in your future, deep and hard. ---
**Author:** ![Textual\_Intercourse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Textual\_Intercourse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Textual_Intercourse)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/30 "2009-11-04T17:37:56Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > also suggest that you turn the gift he was bringing you to solve all of earth’s problems into a nice paperweight for your desk. Which might be a better use for it. Any supposed gift that would solve all of our problems would certainly prompt us to create newer, bigger, more unsolvable problems. “Solve all our problems will ya?” _greatly accelerates the greenhouse effect, quadruples the amount of space debris orbiting Earth bringing us within a year of the “critical” state, creates a channel on TV that shows Dancing with the Stars re-runs 24/7_ “What now bitches?” ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/31 "2009-11-04T18:16:53Z")
> [@Jorge\_Burrito](#): > > You do realize that Aliens almost undoubtedly have access to our primitive Intertube technology. After seeing this thread, I can predict with some confidence that you have an anal probe in your future, deep and hard. They can probe my anus when they can pry it out of my cold dead hand…er…wait a minute…that doesn’t sound right… Besides which, I’ll be busy grilling up the first one I shot, so they’ll just have to wait. Would Dale’s do for marinading aliens, or is something else better? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/32 "2009-11-04T19:51:28Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > It’s a guy thing. If my buddy gets something, then I want to get a better one of whatever he has. If I get a stuffed alien, that beats hell out of his stupid trophy bass I have to look at every time I visit him. If my stuffed alien is really hideous, I’ll just stick it in the garage or something until my buddy visits… I can’t argue with that. 😃 And to be fair I’d probably want an invite at least once to your house to take a look at the dead alien in the garage. Even if it was an E.T. version of an alien and therefore the most heinous creature from beyond the stars. Including the singing/dancing alien that burst out of that guy’s chest in Spaceballs. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/33 "2009-11-04T20:30:05Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I can’t argue with that. 😃 > > And to be fair I’d probably want an invite at least once to your house to take a look at the dead alien in the garage. Even if it was an E.T. version of an alien and therefore the most heinous creature from beyond the stars. Including the singing/dancing alien that burst out of that guy’s chest in Spaceballs. If I ever shoot an alien and have it stuffed, you have a standing invitation to come by for a look. If you get there quick enough, there may still be some alien-burgers available… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MN\_Maenad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@MN\_Maenad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MN_Maenad)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/34 "2009-11-05T01:44:40Z")
No, you can’t shoot ET, if all you can carry is a walkie-talkie. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/35 "2009-11-05T05:29:25Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > \ > Questions: > > 1. Am I subject to prosecution under State or Federal law? > 2. How do you cook an alien? > 3. What would it cost to get a mid-sized alien stuffed for display? > 4. Would the alien corpse be considered my property, which the state may not take from me without due process of law and compensation? How about the spaceship? > 5. What’s the going rate for alien corpses? > 6. The spaceship–should I sell it whole, or part it out? 1. Not sure about federal law, but if Anystate, USA is the OP’s state of residence, I don’t believe there’s a season on ET. Watch out for the game warden. 2. I would recommend grilling or barbequing. A marinade of Dale’s would probably be good for the grilled and a dry rub including Montreal seasoning would likely work for the barbecued. Don’t invite any women of childbearing years to your cookout, just as a precaution. 3. Shoot, Bubba down at the taxidermy studio would probably mount it just for the bragging rights! 4. Hmmm…not sure about this one. 5. Check Craigslist or E-Bay. 6. Part it out! ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/36 "2009-11-06T15:33:38Z")
“Person” or “individual” is used more than “human” in the relevant laws. E.g., see how Wikip describes eligibility for POTUS–It would be weird to replace “person” with “human”. I suspect judges and juries would deliberate about two seconds before declaring an intelligent alien a “person.” Article II, Section 1, Clause 5 of the Constitution sets the principal qualifications one must meet to be eligible to the office of President. A President must: be a natural born citizen of the United States; be at least thirty-five years old; have been a permanent resident in the United States for at least fourteen years. A **person** who meets the above qualifications is still disqualified from holding the office of President under any of the following conditions: Under the Twenty-second Amendment, no eligible **person** can be elected President more than twice. The Twenty-second Amendment also specifies that if any eligible **person** who serves as President or Acting President for more than two years of a term for which some other eligible\*\* person \*\*was elected President, then the former can only be elected President once. Scholars disagree whether anyone no longer eligible to be elected President could be elected Vice President, pursuant to the qualifications set out under the Twelfth Amendment. Under Article I, Section 3, Clause 7, the Senate has the option, upon conviction, of disqualifying convicted **individuals** from holding other federal offices, including the Presidency. Under Section 3 of the Fourteenth Amendment, the Constitution prohibits an otherwise eligible **person** from becoming President if that \*\*person \*\*swore an oath to support the Constitution, and later rebelled against the United States. However, the Congress, by a two-thirds vote of each house, can remove the disqualification. ---
**Author:** ![wisernow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@wisernow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wisernow)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/37 "2009-11-06T17:43:50Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > I think you’re missing the real legal issue. What will ET’s government do about it? If it’s like international law here, they will assume some jurisdiction over killing one of their citizens by anyone, anywhere and will want to prosecute you. **ET Judge** – So, What does the defence have to say about the charge? **Oakminister** – Your Honor, I’m peaceably watching a football game, minding my own business, when ET lands his spaceship in my front lawn. He’s **reving the engine so loud, I can’t hear the game**. Naturally, I look out the window and see an alien in the yard. Being the cautious sort, I grab a pistol before going outside to tell him to shut the hell up and **get off my lawn**. He points something I reasonably believe to be a **deadly weapon at me** and I blow his ass away. **ET Judge** – So that’s 3 major infarctions by ET 1. Disturbing someone when someone is watching a football game. 2. Not getting off the lawn when yelled at. 3. Pointing weapon at lawn’s owner while on owner’s lawn. All charges are dropped. Defendant Oaknminister is honorably acquitted. Damages awarded to the defendant – ET’s dad will work as Oakminister’s butler for a year. Case dismissed! (gavel bang) ---
**Author:** ![ajdebosco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@ajdebosco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ajdebosco)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/38 "2009-11-06T18:06:37Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Well, ok, I don’t really need an answer all that quickly, as I’m not aware of any aliens nearby. But assume, for the purposes of this hypothetical, that the following are true: > > 1. Intelligent aliens exist, and visit this planet… Harsh words ensue and: > 7a) I blow his ass away; or > 7b) He points something I reasonably believe to be a deadly weapon at me and I blow his ass away. > > Questions: > > 1. Am I subject to prosecution under State or Federal law?.. Huge gaping holes in your assumptions, Dude. First, aliens aren’t going to land on the lawn of a football game-watching gun nut; it is likely they are seeking out _ **Intelligent** _ life forms. 😛 Next, no matter how quick a draw you imagine yourself to be, or had grabbed the largest caliber pistol yet devised by humans, you are no match for the extra-terrestrial scout. He would use his vastly superior psycho-kinesis to force you to drop your weapon, at which point you might want to check your trousers.:rolleyes: Finally, the answer to question 1. is a resounding no. There would be no dead alien since a disarmed fool can’t hurt him but more importantly, there are no Federal or State laws prohibiting terminal stupidity.:smack: ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/39 "2009-11-06T18:13:27Z")
If an alien lands on my front lawn, I’ll call Walter, Peter and Olivia. They’ll come in a flash and my city’s name will appear in block letters for a few moments, then fade out. They’ll know what to do. For those who don’t know who W, P and O might be, please check your local listings for **Fringe**. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249/40 "2009-11-06T19:32:54Z")
Unless the words tentacle rape hold no terror for you I’d give him/her/it what he wants. Do you happen to live in Georgia? That ‘alien’ might just be someone from Alabama. It’s a common mistake. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-shoot-et-need-answer-fast/516249.md?page=3)