# Can my adult supervisor date an underage employee without repercussion? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2012, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887 "2012-04-05T04:34:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/21 "2012-04-05T17:17:18Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > I don’t know, a good friend of mine was in a similar situation (he and the girl were both a little younger than this situation, but same gap and same violation of the law) and the girl’s parents got my friend charged with statutory. They didn’t have any solid evidence, just circumstantial as with here, but my friend ended up having to take an Alford Plea (couldn’t afford an attorney to fight the case, and it looked like he’d be found guilty anyway). He had to do some time in jail/probation/and had to register as a sex offender. The only evidence was that the two were dating? What about a public defender? Sorry, but my first reaction to your story is that your friend did not disclose all the details to you. There is simply no way that someone could be correctly found guilty under the facts described here. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/22 "2012-04-05T18:15:11Z")
The age of consent in NJ is 16 also. Except in a case like this. If: > [@](#): > > The actor has supervisory or disciplinary power of any nature or in any capacity over the victim then the age of consent is 18. So it depends on the state. Most states don’t just have an age limit but have additional factors as well. But of course that has to do with sex and not just dating. But from a liability standpoint the company is being very stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/23 "2012-04-05T19:38:34Z")
Personally, I think the OP needs to mind his/her own business. At the very least, he/she is setting him/herself up for reprisal. And yes, the manager in question _will_ know it’s you. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/24 "2012-04-05T19:56:57Z")
I agree that this is more a problem of manager dating subordinates than sex. What happens to her when they break up? I hope the OP is documenting everything, at least. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/25 "2012-04-05T20:21:41Z")
Here’s the deal. Speaking as a manager, my job is to make sure the business runs smoothly. For the most part, I don’t care who my staff fucks so long as it has no effect on the smooth operation of the business (or insomuch my not caring is dictated by corporate policy). So when a staff member approaches me about a problem involving two other employees (one of which who is one of my under-managers) that they are not sure is illegal or merely “frowned upon”, it creates a major headache for me. Is it really “inexplicable” why they don’t want to fire this guy? It’s because firing this guy means having to interview and hire and train a new manager and all that entails. It’s costly, time consuming and since this an Applebees or TGIFriday’s or whatever, there is no guarantee that the next manager won’t be just as big of an asshole. Being a “jerk” is not illegal. An food service business are notorious for relationships between staff members. It’s a business that hires large numbers of attractive teenagers and young adults who often aren’t the most together people in the world to work odd hours around alchohol. It’s basically a recipe for hooking up. Also keep in mind, management doesn’t know you from Adam. They aren’t going to fire anyone just on your say so. So when you bring a complaint, that means there has to be some sort of investigation to find out what the facts are and who is telling the truth. Besides, you don’t know if management are drinking buddies or golf pals with this guy. My advice to you is if you really feel there is a problem, you should call your anonymous corporate hotline number. Typically the lawyers at Corporate would take these sort of complaints more seriously than the local managment. But also keep in mind, they probably get a lot of “That jerk Steve sexually harassed me and never called me ever again!” complaints. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/26 "2012-04-05T21:05:17Z")
Tell her parents and wash your hands of the whole thing. ---
**Author:** ![Alley\_Dweller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alley_dweller/32/430_2.png) [@Alley\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alley_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/27 "2012-04-05T21:52:32Z")
When I hear stories like this, I think about Joe Parterno. A subordinate reported to him that another subordinate was having sexual relations with a minor and, not being a mandated reporter under Pennsylvania law at the time, he reported the charge to his superiors who covered it up. Joe Paterno was later vilified in the public mind and dismissed from his job. Yes, a charge of dating a 17 year old is not comparable to a charge of having sex with a 9 year old on company premises. In fact, I am not sure that this case is a police matter or something to go to the press with. (It may be, I don’t know.) I just want to say I feel bad for you. No matter what you do at this point, you will not win. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/28 "2012-04-05T22:01:00Z")
Assuming the OP’s location field is up-to-date, 17 is older then the age of consent in his state. Neither the management or the woman in question seem to feel there’s any sexual harassment taking place (or even any sex of any type, according to the woman). Even the age difference isn’t that huge. So I don’t really see the problem. Maybe the OP can cater their wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/29 "2012-04-05T22:07:06Z")
> [@Alley\_Dweller](#): > > Yes, a charge of dating a 17 year old is not comparable to a charge of having sex with a 9 year old on company premises. That’s putting it mildly! The OP is not in any kind of position of responsibility for the hostess, and he or she has certainly fulfilled any kind of ethical obligation people might think he/she has. > [@](#): > > In fact, I am not sure that this case is a police matter or something to go to the press with. It’s definitely not a police matter because even if they are having sex, it’s clearly legal. They are both adults. It is possible this could be a matter for the company’s personnel department, but at the moment they seem satisfied that this isn’t a problem and they probably won’t look into it further unless something bad happens. There is absolutely no way the press will be interested in the situation because there is no story here. Two adults are dating. A coworker says maybe they’re having sex. They say they’re not, and their employer doesn’t care either way. It’s not news, it’s gossip. And let’s be honest here: this could be inappropriate, but we’re talking about a “lower-level manager” and a hostess at a restaurant. It’s not like the mayor is about to make his girlfriend the chief of police even though she’s not qualified for the job. > [@](#): > > I just want to say I feel bad for you. No matter what you do at this point, you will not win. That would be a hint the OP shouldn’t involve him/herself any further. Whatever happens is not **mshar253** ’s responsibility. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/30 "2012-04-05T22:11:59Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > The age of consent in NJ is 16 also. Except in a case like this. If: > > > [@](#): > > > > The actor has supervisory or disciplinary power of any nature or in any capacity over the victim > > then the age of consent is 18. So it depends on the state. Most states don’t just have an age limit but have additional factors as well. But of course that has to do with sex and not just dating. This is also the case here in Arkansas. It’s mostly intended to make it illegal for a teacher to have sex with a student, but it applies in other situations, AFAIK. (The teacher version was in the news fairly recently, and I knew the perpetrator.) ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/31 "2012-04-05T22:17:56Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > That’s putting it mildly! The OP is not in any kind of position of responsibility for the hostess, and he or she has certainly fulfilled any kind of ethical obligation people might think he/she has. > It’s definitely not a police matter because even if they are having sex, it’s clearly legal. They are both adults. It is possible this could be a matter for the company’s personnel department, but at the moment they seem satisfied that this isn’t a problem and they probably won’t look into it further unless something bad happens. There is absolutely no way the press will be interested in the situation because there is no story here. Two adults are dating. A coworker says maybe they’re having sex. They say they’re not, and their employer doesn’t care either way. It’s not news, it’s gossip. And let’s be honest here: this could be inappropriate, but we’re talking about a “lower-level manager” and a hostess at a restaurant. It’s not like the mayor is about to make his girlfriend the chief of police even though she’s not qualified for the job. > That would be a hint the OP shouldn’t involve him/herself any further. Whatever happens is not **mshar253** ’s responsibility. It is not clearly legal. You have a SVU Detective point out in this very thread that in at least one state and most likely others, being the boss of the juvenile bumps the age of consent up to 18. (that was me btw) Since the OP’s profile states he/she lives in PA he could be talking about working in my state. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/32 "2012-04-06T05:35:44Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > It is not clearly legal. You have a SVU Detective point out in this very thread that in at least one state and most likely others, being the boss of the juvenile bumps the age of consent up to 18. (that was me btw) Since the OP’s profile states he/she lives in PA he could be talking about working in my state. Upthread I linked to a webpage of Pennsylvania’s age of consent laws, and there was no indication that those exceptions are on the books in that state. I’ve done a little bit of extra Googling since you mentioned that exception, and I still don’t see any sign that Pennsylvania has those laws. ---
**Author:** ![Turble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Turble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turble)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/33 "2012-04-06T18:20:20Z")
The one thing that is certain here is the fact that the OP is now, and shall always be, very unpopular with all levels of management in the company. It is definitely time to look for a job. IMHO, it may also be a good time to think a bit about the advice posted here to MYOB. Personally, I find it difficult enough to live my own life to meet my moral objectives; I can’t imagine how hard it would be to try to force everybody else to do so. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/34 "2012-04-06T20:42:15Z")
> [@mshar253](#): > > Moreover, I feel like I accomplished my mission by getting the girl to tell upper management that they are indeed in a relationship insofar as they’ve hung out with each other in their homes and have gone shopping together. I’m curious, though, if that is enough to raise concerns about statutory rape; do they have to be actually caught in the physical act of having sex – something that would be virtually impossible without my dedicating my life and sacrificing my sanity to stalk them? I think you should hold a press conference. Blow the lid off of the whole thing! Seriously, tho, you have 1. Gone to upper management and 2. 'got the girl to tell upper management…" Butt out. I think you are already at the near stalker level. ---
**Author:** ![lawbuff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/13edae/32.png) [@lawbuff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lawbuff)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/35 "2012-04-06T21:04:16Z")
§ 3122.1. Statutory sexual assault. (a) Felony of the second degree.–Except as provided in section 3121 (relating to rape), a person commits a felony of the second degree when that person engages in sexual intercourse with a complainant to whom the person is not married who is **under the age of 16** years and that person is either: (1) four years older but less than eight years older than the complainant; or (2) eight years older but less than 11 years older than the complainant. (b) Felony of the first degree.–A person commits a felony of the first degree when that person engages in sexual intercourse with a complainant under the age of 16 years and that person is 11 or more years older than the complainant and the complainant and the person are not married to each other. Indecent assault (fondling/touching) has the same age restriction, 16. At least online there is NO authority postition clause. My state there is, that I know, but it is not a boss as an exception. As pointed out though OP, these laws do not concern simple dating, as noted. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/36 "2012-04-06T22:37:27Z")
I’m going to throw a little different fuel on the fire… In a very very very remote reading (ages of the participants aside) this could venture into the territory of Sexual Harassment. From the government website [http://www.eeoc.gov/eeoc/publications/fs-sex.cfm](http://www.eeoc.gov/eeoc/publications/fs-sex.cfm) “Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute sexual harassment when this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual’s employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual’s work performance, or creates an intimidating, hostile, or **offensive work environment**.” “The victim does not have to be the person harassed but could be anyone affected by the offensive conduct.” By reporting it to your management you put them on notice that you found the Supervisor’s conduct offensive. They are obligated to follow very strict protocol in investigating and resolving the issue. In addition, you are protected from harm in reporting it. “It is also unlawful to retaliate against an individual for opposing employment practices that discriminate based on sex or for filing a discrimination charge, testifying, or participating in any way in an investigation, proceeding, or litigation under Title VII.” …consider the sh\*t stirred. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2012, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/37 "2012-04-07T01:14:03Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > By reporting it to your management you put them on notice that you found the Supervisor’s conduct offensive. I find Cowboys fans offensive. But merely because I find conduct offensive is not enough, is it? If the relationship is not unwelcome, and there are no public displays of affection that cross the line of general good taste, I guess I am not seeing how this creates a hostile work environment. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2012, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/38 "2012-04-07T01:49:42Z")
For it to be sexual harassment, offensive needs to pass the “reasonable person” standard. Two people dating isn’t going to pass that, even if the guy is a jerk and does the “date and dump” thing repeatedly. What stake does he have in it? Is the offensive work environment so hostile that he feels like he can’t work there, and would a reasonable person feel the same? ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2012, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/39 "2012-04-07T13:58:07Z")
Upper management knows about it, both of the daters are adults, the woman is not complaining, there are no ill effects on the OP re: working conditions. The OP should forget about it. At this point it’s none of his business. ---
**Author:** ![mshar253](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@mshar253](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mshar253)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2012, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887/40 "2012-04-08T04:41:41Z")
Just to follow-up: He was fired. I remain employed. I might not be a strong enough writer to convey his predatory nature, but I think management saw it and had enough. I was thanked, actually, for bringing this to their attention. But it’s over, and I and everyone else can move forward. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-my-adult-supervisor-date-an-underage-employee-without-repercussion/617887.md?page=3)