# Can one separate the Pit from real life? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 4, 2004, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484 "2004-05-04T16:45:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/41 "2004-05-04T23:15:31Z")
I don’t know any dopers IRL, and I think that’s a good thing. Don’t get me wrong, I think most of the people here are the cream of the crop. I’d just hate to meet someone, find out that they’re ATM,and have them look up every post I’ve ever made. There’s a handfull out there that I’d like nothing better to have back, but if I’m going to end up potentially disagreeing with someone, I don’t want it to be in public, and I certainly don’t want it on permanent record. One shouldn’t be held accountable for every single word one has said in their life, that’s just ludicrous. I’d rather air my differences face to face with an IRL doper, and grow from there. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/42 "2004-05-05T00:33:14Z")
There is a very, very short list of people with whom I would not be able to be friendly, or at least civil, if I met them IRL after interacting with them here. The number of people on the list is very small— but it is not zero. I am honestly conflicted about whether or not I should consider this a failing. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/43 "2004-05-05T01:05:18Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > The two “anonymous” posters **gobear** mentioned in his OP Am I the _only one_ who never has any idea what’s going on? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![KellyM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/57b2e6/32.png) [@KellyM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KellyM)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/44 "2004-05-05T01:33:00Z")
I skipped a ChiDope (and missed the opportunity to meet **biggirl** , which I deeply regret) because of things said to and about me in the Pit. I doubt that I’ll ever do another DopeFest as a result of the vile nastiness that was dumped on me by some of this Board’s less fine denizens. Just because it takes place over the Internet doesn’t mean it’s not real life. ---
**Author:** ![AveDementia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/45 "2004-05-05T01:40:57Z")
Psst, **Mixie**! Jersey Diamond (and husband Joe Cool) insulted the appearance of Our Dearly Adored Eve after a Dopefest. It was petty and stupid and they defended themselves, just making it worse and worse. I think Joe was banned eventually, and Jersey left then too. The only good thing out of it all was that most of the rest of the board rallied around Eve in Appreciation threads devoted to her obvious wit, charm, beauty and classiness. Last I heard the Ambiguously Christian Duo have found a haven on another righteously Christian board, but they’re still sour about the public asswhupping they recieved for their judgemental attitudes. Whatever. They can applaud themselves all they want to there, and good riddence. [/cluing in] ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/46 "2004-05-05T02:15:54Z")
. . . But one very good thing came out of it–people came out of the woodwork and some actually _joined the Board_ to defend me, which is something I’ll keep in my little “things to be grateful for” drawer forever. ---
**Author:** ![leander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bcef8e/32.png) [@leander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leander)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/47 "2004-05-05T02:24:43Z")
**gobear** , I’m sorry you have such a hard-on for me. I think you should probably get over it. As for the OP, I see no reason to decidedly change one’s personality from the board to the real world. Certainly human contact can ameliorate a heated discussion – but if you have to alter your views or passions offline, either because you want to be friendly or you don’t have the backbone to defend those views, then you’re probably better off shouting at a computer screen. People who can _only_ carry on a heated argument online, who can _only_ “snip” at others from their computer, aren’t just hypocrites. They’re spineless, gutless hypocrites. Oh, and as to the whole “cut direct” thing – well, if you’re such a pussy that you can only confront someone from the safety of your computer, then you’re saying something about yourself, kiddo. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/48 "2004-05-05T02:35:29Z")
I went to a DopeFest not terribly long after one of my very few little tiffs in the pit and got the DISTINCT impression that one of the people there didn’t like me because of it, even though that person wasn’t involved in the situation at all. I can only think of one person here that I wouldn’t particularly like to sit down and talk to and that’s only after she repeadetly attacked me without provocation and tried to speak out against me on behalf of “like, the whole board” when almost no one agreed with her. I’m not even sure if she posts here anymore though. And if it all came down to it, I’d even buy her a beer. No harm, no foul. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/49 "2004-05-05T02:48:49Z")
I’ve bumped heads with a couple of posters then later met them IRL. I let them buy me a few drinks then I slugged them in the head. It’s a win-win situation. Seriously, the Pit is just the Pit - words on a message board in a forum meant for flaming and bitching. Meeting people IRL is more personable and real. I have met a lot of Dopers in person and have really liked each and every one of them in spite of past Pit threads we may have had. To confess however, there is one asshole, er. . . . Doper I hope to never meet. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/50 "2004-05-05T02:59:43Z")
> [@leander](#): > > **gobear** , I’m sorry you have such a hard-on for me. I think you should probably get over it. Say what? You’re the one who follows me from thread to thread to harrass and annoy. AND you get your ass handed to you each time, I might add. > [@](#): > > As for the OP, I see no reason to decidedly change one’s personality from the board to the real world. Certainly human contact can ameliorate a heated discussion – but if you have to alter your views or passions offline, either because you want to be friendly or you don’t have the backbone to defend those views, then you’re probably better off shouting at a computer screen. People who can _only_ carry on a heated argument online, who can _only_ “snip” at others from their computer, aren’t just hypocrites. They’re spineless, gutless hypocrites. No. Talking to a screen makes one forget that one is addressing people, but I’m the same person online and off. People in DC and NYC know me IRL–does anyone know you? > [@](#): > > Oh, and as to the whole “cut direct” thing – well, if you’re such a pussy that you can only confront someone from the safety of your computer, then you’re saying something about yourself, kiddo. The Cut Direct IS confrontation, you moron. It is staring someone right in the face and saying, “I don’t acknowledge your existence.” In any event, you’re too much of a pussy to even attend a Dopefest, I’ll wager. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/51 "2004-05-05T03:56:31Z")
> [@Fairblue](#): > > Psst, **Mixie** [/cluing in] _OH_. Yes, I am often woefully oblivious. Belatedly, may I say, **Eve** , that you are one of the single classiest human beings I’ve ever had the pleasure of admiring from afar. Thank you for posting here, and know that there are many times that I’d like to respond to something you’ve said, but end up digging my toe into the ground, blushing, and looking away. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/52 "2004-05-05T04:21:53Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > No. Talking to a screen makes one forget that one is addressing people, but I’m the same person online and off. People in DC and NYC know me IRL–does anyone know you? In case **leander** is interested in facts, I’m sure **Airman Doors** , **Bluesman** , **Lucretia** , **Geobabe** (to name a few) and/or I would be happy to vouch for your board personality being very, very similar to your IRL personality. There tends to be (for everyone) a slight loss in acuity of statement during heated debate (or that mad dash to form the perfectly-worded one-liner), but that’s because we don’t have keyboards in front of us to formulate the thought and turn it into more well-spoken statement. But then remember you’re dealing with someone who evidently believes you’re “exceptionally stupid” (unless I missed a well-deserved retraction), so unless you’ve got directions to the village in question… ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/53 "2004-05-05T04:54:12Z")
> [@iampunha](#): > > that’s because we don’t have keyboards in front of us to formulate the thought and turn it into more well-spoken statement. The funny thing is, I think I’m **much** more well spoken in person. I’m even a good writer in general, for some reason I just always seem to find a way to stick my ass in my mouth on this messageboard. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/54 "2004-05-05T05:24:33Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > for some reason I just always seem to find a way to stick my ass in my mouth on this messageboard. So stop wearing flavored underwear:-D (note: took me more’n a few seconds to come up with that. IRL I’d have said something like “I did that once, but the taste was enough to prevent further episodes”) ---
**Author:** ![AmbushBug](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ambushbug/32/4600_2.png) [@AmbushBug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmbushBug)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/55 "2004-05-05T06:27:22Z")
> [@Captain Amazing](#): > > Except, the Pit isn’t for arguments. Great Debates is for arguments…the Pit is for insults. [MontyPython]Oh! This is _Abuse_! You want room 12A, just along the corridor! [sub]stupid git[/sub][/MontyPython] ([link](http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_scripts/argument.txt)) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/56 "2004-05-05T07:16:31Z")
You know what, there is another person on this board that I don’t like and I can’t believe I forgot about it when I made my first post in this thread. I didn’t like this poster right off the bat, then I tried and TRIED to like them, and I thought I did for awhile, but I’ve come to the realization that I absolutely don’t and I probably never will. I won’t list this poster’s name here because they are much more “popular” around here than I am and personal quarrels here always come down to who is more popular rather than who is actually right. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/57 "2004-05-05T07:19:22Z")
Whoops, the point of that post was to say I probably would not buy that person a beer, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to be rude either, and I wouldn’t skip a dopefest on that person’s account. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/58 "2004-05-05T10:31:27Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > Are you saying you would not have a beer with me? Definitely not saying that! I would LOVE to have a beer with you to demonstrate what I have tried so hard to demonstrate here — that I love you, that I take to heart the discrimination that you suffer, and that I believe freedom from the coercion of others is the answer to your problems. I would welcome the opportunity to show you that I’m not the heartless monster you often dismiss me as. ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/59 "2004-05-05T11:24:10Z")
I’m conflicted in my views on this one. On one hand, I’m a big believer in the fact that online IS real life. Just a different flavour. I am who I am, whether I’m talking or typing. On the other hand, I have met some people IRL that I initially met online, and it amazes me that I am either extremely obtuse and unperceptive, or how different people can appear from their online personas. Amazing. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484/60 "2004-05-05T12:07:18Z")
**Cichlidiot** makes all the points I wanted to, but I want to reinforce them. **gobear** , I don’t hold a grudge against you because you’re a Republican, or because you strongly disagree with me on a number of subjects. As a matter of fact, I don’t hold a grudge against you at all. All I am saying is that engaging in _ad hominem_ attacks on the Board, and then telling me to my face that you really do respect me, strikes me as hypocritical in the extreme. If you really do respect me, you’d take the time to formulate arguments against my opinions and assertions without feeling the need to call me names, even if it’s in the Pit. If you don’t respect me enough to do that, _don’t tell me you really do respect me when we meet face to face_. I don’t know how much more I can try to make that clear. If you still want to believe I hold a grudge against you because of our political differences, you go right ahead. It’ll be just one more thing we’ll have to agree to disagree on. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-one-separate-the-pit-from-real-life/243484.md?page=4)