# Can she change? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 22, 2001, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236 "2001-01-22T07:10:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Arthur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/958977/32.png) [@Arthur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arthur)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/1 "2001-01-22T07:10:47Z")
boy falls for girl girl thinks she falls for boy boy professes love to girl girl says she never fell for boy, she only thought she did because boy wanted it so much boy is in emotional turmoil girl attempts to keep the bond of friendship boy holds onto it, for its all he’s got now a month later girl tells boy she’s seeing someone boy… feels beyond description boy wonders if its possible for a girl to say she will never have feelings for him and then, later, have a change of heart. or is the idea of ‘ill never have feelings for you’ planted firmly in her heart, preventing her from ever seeing anything ‘more’? ---
**Author:** ![peepthis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9d8465/32.png) [@peepthis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peepthis)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/2 "2001-01-22T08:07:40Z")
Before this gets crated up and hauled away to another Forum, I’ll chime in with a resounding **“maybe, maybe not, don’t worry about it now.”** You don’t give a timeline, so it could be that **Boy** spooked **Girl** with crowding and too-quick professions of love. It sounds like **Girl** needs space and time without **Boy** , which **Boy** probably also could use at this point. With such scant details, it also sounds like **Boy** is grasping for approval to wait for **Girl**. **Boy** should not wait and pine. **Boy** should regroup and find it in his heart to let himself off the hook. Otherwise he’ll just putter along on the fumes on “What ifs?”, which is about as far from happiness as **Boy** could get. And at this point, happiness is what **Boy** needs to let himself seek out. From experience, it’s of course easier said than done. But **Boy** will be just fine. Good luck, and my best wishes go out to **Boy**. ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/3 "2001-01-22T10:21:00Z")
I think this thread is on its way to IMHO, the Elysian Fields of fallen GQ threads. ---
**Author:** ![Adolph\_Peewee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e47c2d/32.png) [@Adolph\_Peewee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Adolph_Peewee)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/4 "2001-01-22T13:02:52Z")
all of the above, but replace last line with the following; \*\* boy finds someone else \*\* boy now intensely happy with new girl old girl changes mind old girl comes crawling back new girl gets jealous of old girl both girls fight both girls leave, never to return 6 months later, both girls great friends boy still single, considering turning gay, or life of celibacy \*\* BTW…last point, not applicable to me! \*\* 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Adolph\_Peewee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e47c2d/32.png) [@Adolph\_Peewee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Adolph_Peewee)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/5 "2001-01-22T13:07:19Z")
This boy wishes OP boy good luck in finding a new girl my post was in no way meant to discourage! My humblest apologies if it did! Simplest way, if it all happens to you, move to new town where no-one knows you! Start a university course and live on campus! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/6 "2001-01-22T13:07:25Z")
[quote] both girls fight [quote] Let’s see an all-out cat fight, complete with scratching and pulling hair. \>: ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/7 "2001-01-22T13:11:27Z")
Whoops, I aimed for the preview button, but hit submit instead. Looks like it’s gonna be one of those days… ---
**Author:** ![kbutcher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/db5fbb/32.png) [@kbutcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kbutcher)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/8 "2001-01-22T13:22:44Z")
OH, I’ve BEEN there, Adolph! only in my case… New girl turns out to already be good friend of old girl (although I didn’t know it at first) Old girl came crawling back and things just got weird there… Boy decides love sucks. wondering why he bothers, sometimes… ---
**Author:** ![Fletch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/919ad9/32.png) [@Fletch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fletch)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/9 "2001-01-22T14:29:31Z")
Boy finds a new girl Boy thinks the new girl is better for him ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/10 "2001-01-22T14:52:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arthur \* > \*\*boy wonders if its possible for a girl to say she will never have feelings for him and then, later, have a change of heart. or is the idea of ‘ill never have feelings for you’ planted firmly in her heart, preventing her from ever seeing anything ‘more’? \*\* Anything is possible. Don’t hold your breath. The proper response for boy is “call me if you change your mind” and then move on with boy’s life. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/11 "2001-01-22T16:28:26Z")
boy starts thread moderator reads thread moderator moves thread to mpsims So far, they’ve never come back. ---
**Author:** ![racerx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5e9695/32.png) [@racerx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racerx)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/12 "2001-01-22T16:42:36Z")
I don’t want to discourage you. Best of luck. But IMO, when this happens, the girl decides she wants the boy only after he moves on. I don’t know why they do this. It drives me crazy. I’m friends with some girls who do this, and I whack them upside the head when they tell me about it. If she does change her mind. Cool. But be on guard 'cause she doesn’t seem to have a firm grasp on what she wants. I don’t want you to get hurt. . .again. I apologize on behalf of my gender. ---
**Author:** ![wolfstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d6d6ee/32.png) [@wolfstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfstu)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/13 "2001-01-22T17:08:32Z")
Feelings are a confusing matter for anyone; especially for someone who makes a habit of denying them. Boy must search his soul to determine true feelings for Girl. Are they genuine? Indications are that they may be, but don’t trust me- look for yourself. Consider Girl. Is her idea of ‘I could never have feelings’ stopping her from realizing her potential feelings? Possibly, but this is hope on Boy’s part. Holding on to feelings for girl waiting to see if anything could happen will interfere with Boy’s life and potential other relationships. This waiting might bear fruit, but how long is Boy willing to wait? My own solution would be, (and has been ☹ ) to simply, completely let go and divorce oneself from the feelings for Girl, eliminating all form of affection. This leads to loneliness and social failure which could last a prohibitively long time. Not a wise choice. The best course for Boy is to find his own solution to the trouble, given Boy’s own experience in the matters and knowledge of the mind and heart. Thought and consideration will take time, but are the best way. Don’t reason away your feelings; don’t be afraid to feel them. Consider what insight you gain in this forum, but don’t blindly follow any advice; it can be tempting, to try to stop the feelings, but consider any advice with care. Sympathy and support, wolfstu ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/14 "2001-01-22T17:58:45Z")
Boy meets New Girl Boy and New Girl are Happy! Old Girl wants Boy back Boy tells Old Girl, “I thought I was Happy before, was I wrong or what. You were so right to dump me! Have I told you how Happy I am?” Old Girl keeps trying. Boy tells Old Girl “If you were sinking in quicksand, and I could just reach out my hand and pull you out, I wouldn’t. I would just watch you sink. So piss off.” Old Girl cries. ---
**Author:** ![Arthur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/958977/32.png) [@Arthur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arthur)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/15 "2001-01-22T18:07:43Z")
boy has known this girl for two years their relationship was built on a remarkable foundation that cannot be summerized here girl drifted from boy about a year ago boy held on girl told boy she thought she loved him boy… afraid of something so beautifull… didn’t act girl eventually figured boy had no feelings for him boy has lost the girl boy does not want to let go of his feelings, as much as he has understood the meaning of it, and as much as he knows how to, he loves this girl. boy has struggled with such thoughts for months, wondering if the feeling was ‘true’. it was. boy would rather struggle with the idea he will never have her than move on, because if he were to move on, it would result in forgetting this love for her… and he never wants to forget that. ---
**Author:** ![Lowellster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/2bfe46/32.png) [@Lowellster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowellster)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/16 "2001-01-22T18:39:20Z")
boy spends six months drinking beer with other boys and pretending to be happy boy tires of this and needs something different. boy feels that dating girls is futile and has no desire to start over. boy dives into his work thinking that at least he’ll be using his time productively and making decent money. boy blows money on fun stuff and sort of enjoys life, but not really. boy does this for a year and still cannot afford the one thing that would make him truly happy, a shiny new Honda 4-wheeler. boy decides to cut back on his work load and give girls one last chance. spends six months reducing workload, then discovers he has lost the connections that used to get him dates and that all girls his age are married or bitter and divorced with twelve kids and zero daddies. boy dates a few women. only one of them impresses him, and she is the one who is completely uninterested in him because he hates swimming(?!). boy spends his time working, hanging out with buddy who is tired of wife, surfing internet, watching TV with dog, putting up with irritating people telling him he could get any girl he wants, and growing old. hypothetically. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/17 "2001-01-22T19:52:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arthur \* > \*\*boy would rather struggle with the idea he will never have her than move on, because if he were to move on, it would result in forgetting this love for her… and he never wants to forget that. \*\* Who said you have to forget anything? You don’t forget anything. I can tell you the eye color, hair color, height, weight, etc. of every girl I’ve ever had serious relationship with. I can tell you which ones were tone deaf and which were good singers. I can tell you exactly what it felt like the first time I kised each one of them. I can tell you whether it was a dull kick to the gut or a sharp stab in the chest when one of them broke up with me. And I’ve been married to the same woman for 20 years and three kids! You don’t forget the feelings, you revel in the feelings! But you move on. Because the next girl will fill you with a new set of feelings and they’ll be even better. ---
**Author:** ![TheNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/18 "2001-01-22T21:17:22Z")
is she different? is she different? has she changed? what she’s about… or is she just a liar with nothing to lie about? am i’m headed for the same brick wall is there anything i can do? about anything at all?\* In other words, you’re screwed. And not in a good way. They’re right though, if you manage to land another girl, this one will likely want you back. But really, what are the odds of that happening? \*Apologies to Ani ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/19 "2001-01-22T21:28:40Z")
This is exactly what happened to me! Holy shit! ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2001, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-she-change/51236/20 "2001-01-23T01:14:07Z")
“This is exactly what happened to me!” Sure, let me count the times… However, I must say a person has a right to choose of whom they want to date & I would want that for myself too. To love someone is great, if they love back, even better, people do love at various rates, especially those young confused girls like above.