# Can someone answer this evolution question? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 2, 2000, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326 "2000-11-02T00:10:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lazlo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lazlo/32/9678_2.png) [@Lazlo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazlo)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/1 "2000-11-02T00:10:02Z")
Okay, I’m going to start off by saying I do not want to start an evolution vs. creation thread. Also, I spent a couple of hours scanning the evolution threads to see if this has been addressed before, but I gave up – too much info. Knowing this, please forgive me if this has been covered. That being said, there’s something that’s been bugging me. We know that the result of evolution is that certain traits or mutations that are advantageous to survival get passed on to future generations (in a nutshell? I know I’ll be promptly corrected if there’s a problem with my statement). One of the things that comes to mind is the Panda’s (or is it a koala??) “thumb.” It’s not really a thumb, but a bony protrusion that helps the animal harvest its preferred food. I know any errors in that statement will be promptly corrected too. I’m too lazy to check my accuracy here. My question is this: Why do humans have to wipe their butts? I’d like to hear some ideas on how evolution came up with this fluke. I mean, all other animals do pretty well without toilet paper, and I would like to know why we have to use it. There’s the obvious answer, that we dont _have_ to wipe. I disagree with that. We do indeed have to wipe. If we don’t wipe, we will be far more… shall I say, messy, than any other creature. It just doesn’t seem fair. I hope this is in the right forum. I really don’t want this to be a great debate, and I don’t think it’s serious enough for GQ. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/2 "2000-11-02T00:23:28Z")
I think we have to wipe because we are bipedal - we needed big muscles in our butts that tend to get shit stuck on them when you crap. The advantage we got from being able to run all over the place outweighed the disadvantage of having to reach back there and scrape off dried crap every now and then. ---
**Author:** ![Suo\_Na](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Suo\_Na](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suo_Na)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/3 "2000-11-02T00:24:27Z")
According to How to Shit in the Woods humans only have to wipe because we are anally aware, which makes us retentive. We don’t let the entire fecal episode happen, we stop it by closing the anus partway through, leaving debris, which we have to wipe off. If you practice leaving that sphincter open, you won’t have to wipe. In other words, it has nothing to do with evolution and everything to do with societal issues of propriety. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/4 "2000-11-02T00:25:44Z")
Hmmm…well it probably happened because we stood up. And by the time we stood up we alreadt had hand and long are so it wasn’t a hindrence (One could see how if one needed to and couldn’t it would be a deterrent to sucessful mating.) ---
**Author:** ![Lazlo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lazlo/32/9678_2.png) [@Lazlo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazlo)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/5 "2000-11-02T00:37:15Z")
These make sense. Cool. I’m going to have to try leaving the sphincter open. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/6 "2000-11-02T04:10:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lazlo \* > > **I’m going to have to try leaving the sphincter open.** Any chance on using that as your sig? That’s too funny! 🙂 * * * Yer pal, [Satan](http://www.members.tripod.com/jmspoofe/sdmb/satan.jpg) \*TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING: Six months, three weeks, three days, 2 hours, 11 minutes and 29 seconds. 8283 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,035.45. Extra time with Drain Bead: 4 weeks, 18 hours, 15 minutes. **David B used me as a cite!** \* ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/7 "2000-11-02T04:30:02Z")
It’s because we can’t lick our asses like all the other animals do. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/8 "2000-11-02T05:14:50Z")
Have you ever looked at a cow’s ass up close - not very much hygiene there. At least we’re not starfish - mouth and butt in a single combo hole. ---
**Author:** ![JimmyNipples](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb9ed0/32.png) [@JimmyNipples](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimmyNipples)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/9 "2000-11-02T14:29:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Colin Wilkinson \* > \*\*Have you ever looked at a cow’s ass up close - not very much hygiene there. > \*\* Yes…yes I have. ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/10 "2000-11-02T17:33:19Z")
This has been a most enlightening discussion. So, anyone want the other half of this peanut butter sandwich? I’m not really hungry for it anymore. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/11 "2000-11-02T17:40:18Z")
I’ve never seen my cat wipe, but I have noticed he spends an awful lot of time licking down there. Call me anally aware, but I’ll pick wiping over licking any day. ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/12 "2000-11-02T17:53:30Z")
Come on…if we were flexible to lick ourselves down there many of us would never leave the house. I dare say that the internet wouldn’t even be as popular as it is now. ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/13 "2000-11-02T17:56:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Suo Na \* > **If you practice leaving that sphincter open, you won’t have to wipe.** Without going into any detail whatsoever, I have to say that this just isn’t true… ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/14 "2000-11-02T18:53:03Z")
If this WERE a creationist/evolutionist debate…does wiping have something to do with being made in God image? And if so, what does He use? ---
**Author:** ![Lazlo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lazlo/32/9678_2.png) [@Lazlo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazlo)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2000, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/15 "2000-11-03T00:23:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Satan \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Lazlo \* > > > > **I’m going to have to try leaving the sphincter open.** > > Any chance on using that as your sig? That’s too funny! 🙂 > \*\* I’ve been wondering about this… What’s protocol around here for using sigs? Is is kosher to pull out someone’s comment and use it for a sig without asking? Would I look like a weinie for quoting myself in my sig? ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2000, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/16 "2000-11-03T01:51:16Z")
As long as it’s not too long, and ideally not laden with offensive stuff, I think the world is your oyster as far as sigs go. * * * Yer pal, [Satan](http://www.members.tripod.com/jmspoofe/sdmb/satan.jpg) \*TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING: Six months, three weeks, three days, 23 hours, 52 minutes and 30 seconds. 8319 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,039.97. Extra time with Drain Bead: 4 weeks, 21 hours, 15 minutes. **David B used me as a cite!** \* ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2000, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/17 "2000-11-03T02:43:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Satan \* > **As long as it’s not too long, and ideally not laden with offensive stuff** I often get asked this on a first date ---
**Author:** ![USCDiver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uscdiver/32/354_2.png) [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2000, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/18 "2000-11-03T04:13:12Z")
My friend spent a year in China and he said that when you are squatting over a hole in the floor you only need half the toilet paper you use when you sit down on the shitter. But I bet you can’t squat the whole time you’re reading the paper. Diver ---
**Author:** ![Guy\_Incognito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guy_incognito/32/3920_2.png) [@Guy\_Incognito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guy_Incognito)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2000, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/19 "2000-11-03T18:11:29Z")
I have it on authority that God prefers to use Angel Soft or White Cloud. Glad I could help! ---
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2000, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326/20 "2000-11-06T20:10:16Z")
I can’t remember when a thread made me laugh this hard! The danger in not wiping after you shit (aside from social dangers) is from fecal coliform bacteria, which can cause disease in ourselves or others our asses come in contact with. Is it possible that, when we were bipedal apes on the savanna, we either got rained on more often or spent more time in streams and watering holes, and so had plenty of running water to wash away our corny fudge? Do other primates wipe, or are they prisoners of No. 2? It might be illuminating to know. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-answer-this-evolution-question/39326.md?page=2)