# Can someone give me a million bucks? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 1, 1999, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834 "1999-10-01T10:14:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![the\_first\_supraliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f475e1/32.png) [@the\_first\_supraliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_first_supraliminal)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/1 "1999-10-01T10:14:00Z")
I could sure use it. That new 2000 Mustang sure looks nice. I’d like to get me one. There are a lot of whorehouses here in NV, I’ve been meaning to visit some, but have been short on cash. Steak and lobster, well, it’s been a long time. Damn creditors, what part of “I don’t have the money” do they not understand? I’d really like a cell phone, a large wardrobe, a Rolex, and a pair of expensive name brand shoes. (I don’t even know what the expensive name brands are) So, if someone out there has an extra million to spare, I sure could use it. * * * There’s always another beer. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/2 "1999-10-01T10:41:00Z")
_checks loose change in couch_ I’ve got 25c, will that do? * * * “So what you are telling me, Percy, is that something you have never seen is _slightly less blue_ than something else that you have never seen.” ---
**Author:** ![Steviant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Steviant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steviant)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/3 "1999-10-01T11:45:00Z")
Ask Bill Gates at [askbill@microsoft.com](mailto:askbill@microsoft.com). I’m not kidding - this is a legitimate email for the public to directly contact Mr. Gates. Frankly, I’m not optimistic about your chances, but if you don’t ask… ---
**Author:** ![funneefarmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@funneefarmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funneefarmer)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/4 "1999-10-01T11:48:00Z")
Damn, where did I put the petty cash envelope? * * * Tenacious, like a coonhound tracking a poodle in heat. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/5 "1999-10-01T12:50:00Z")
I’ve got some bottles & cans you can have. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Shadowfox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Shadowfox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowfox)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/6 "1999-10-01T14:27:00Z")
Sure, I have a million I could throw to you… Oh wait, you mean **real** money. I thought you were talking about play money. Shadowfox ---
**Author:** ![okatym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/76d3ee/32.png) [@okatym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/okatym)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/7 "1999-10-01T14:31:00Z")
Okay, I’ll give you $1,000,000 but what do I get in return? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/8 "1999-10-01T14:33:00Z")
Well, Beeruser, I _would_ give you a million dollars. Really, I would. But the paperwork is such a pain and my accountant would work up a real snit at the tax implications. Besides, it would just present you with a brand new set of problems. It’s not the gift, it’s the thought that counts. * * * The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/9 "1999-10-01T19:30:00Z")
A million dollars? Gosh, that’s kind of asking a lot, isn’t it? Why don’t you set your sights a little lower? Like, maybe a million zlotys? ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Berry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@Carl\_Berry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Berry)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/10 "1999-10-01T19:47:00Z")
Will you take a personal check? * * * Zymurgist ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Berry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@Carl\_Berry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Berry)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/11 "1999-10-01T19:49:00Z")
Please send SSAE. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/12 "1999-10-01T23:38:00Z")
No problem, mon. I’ll hook ya up. Do you want it in 100s, 20s, or what? The interest rate is a mere 25%. Compounded monthly. ## Please have the full amount ready by the due date, or Vinnie and “Fish Lips” Louie will have to “consult” a payment plan with you. You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Louie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c68b51/32.png) [@Louie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Louie)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 1999, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/13 "1999-10-02T07:03:00Z")
Hey boss, do me and Vinnie get a cut in the “payment”? “Fish Lips” Louie ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 1999, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/14 "1999-10-02T12:09:00Z")
The usual terms, Louie. Just remember to give the “donation” to the police ball. * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Vinnie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/71e660/32.png) [@Vinnie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vinnie)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 1999, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/15 "1999-10-02T13:47:00Z")
Sealemon88, since when did my cousin Lynn turn me over to you? I’ve been working for Lynn since before she started posting on the AOL SDMB. She’d never turn me over to someone outside our Family. Are you another cousin of ours or something? Or are you just another amateur trying to horn into our business? We don’t like competition. Vinnie Semi-official SD expeditor ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 1999, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/16 "1999-10-02T15:18:00Z")
Give $1M to someone who doesn’t have any money and soon that person won’t have any money. It’s not the money, it’s the attitude to money that’s the clue. People who want to invest want to make a lot of money. What is a lot of money you ask them? Oh, enough so I have a roof, food, medical, etc. Most of the time people haven’t a clue what they mean by ’ a lot of money. ’ I would like to note that one of the richest persons for the time, a Onassis fella, came down with Myasthenia Gravis [& for which I was working at the Salk Institute to find a cure for] and no amount of money could cure him. tsk. ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 1999, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/17 "1999-10-02T18:35:00Z")
I could give you 10¢ a day for 273973 years. Would that work? ---
**Author:** ![aseymayo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 1999, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/18 "1999-10-02T20:55:00Z")
I’d like to help you out, Beeruser, but I’m saving my pennies to buy me a Rothko. How would you look hanging on my wall? (But you’d have to change your name to Art.) ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 1999, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/19 "1999-10-03T15:46:00Z")
KJ, sure. The lottery does that. You win $1M, they just put like $450,000 into a zero coupon bond and the interest thru 20 years makes it $1M. Most people don’t know that. So, a logical extension, 10 cents in a 20,000 year zero coupon bond could come to that. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Vito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/82dd89/32.png) [@Don\_Vito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Vito)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 1999, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834/20 "1999-10-04T09:05:00Z")
Vincenzo writes: > [@](#): > > Sealemon88, since when did my cousin Lynn turn me over to you? I’ve been working for Lynn since before she started posting on the AOL SDMB. She’d never turn me over to someone outside our Family. Are you another cousin of ours or something? Or are you just another amateur trying to horn into our business? We don’t like competition. Youth! Calm down, Vincenzo, I’ll just reason with him. Besides, you haven’t completed that errand for me concerning those rat bastiches at the Humane Society. * * * Don Vito “I’ll reason with him” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-someone-give-me-a-million-bucks/8834.md?page=2)