# Can we agree that family is a mixed blessing? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 10, 2019, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322 "2019-06-10T18:52:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2019, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/21 "2019-06-11T23:54:59Z")
> [@Alpha\_Twit](#): > > Isn’t that what dumpsters are for? > [@VOW](#): > > Can I hope beyond all hopes that Brother and Sister’s crap went to Goodwill or the nearest incinerator? > ~VOW > [@UltraVires](#): > > Throwing one’s siblings in a dumpster remains a misdemeanor in some states unfortunately. > [@Alpha\_Twit](#): > > Hey, if you need me to be a non-witness to something, let me know. Thanks for this! Made me laugh…and I needed to with everything going on, including helping to evacuate the wildlife rescue/hospital I where I work due to a nearby credible bomb threat this afternoon. But…I shouldn’t hijack this thread with that story. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2019, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/22 "2019-06-13T00:17:14Z")
If someone were to ask me what it’s like to have children, I would say “imagine the thing you love most in the world right now…now imagine tiny people interrupting you every time you try and do that thing so you can deal with their (both figurative and literal) shit.” ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2019, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/23 "2019-06-13T04:22:06Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > My life is a joke. ‘Knock-Knock’, or ‘Farmer’s Daughter’? ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2019, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/24 "2019-06-13T05:12:54Z")
> [@Alpha\_Twit](#): > > Not a Pit worth rant but I’m still kind of steamed at this. > > I was at home yesterday morning when my niece phoned. “Hey uncle Alpha, I’ve got a problem and I could really use your help. About four hours from now, can you pick me up at (town about three hours from Casa de Alpha)?” It turns out that niece had arranged to buy a used car from some family friends. She wanted me to drive to her home, pick her up and drive her back to her old hometown so that she could drive the new car back. She wants me to spend 7+ hours on the road to help her out - on virtually no notice. > > At a bare minimum, she owes me gas money, a decent, non-drive through lunch and a sincerely offered “Thank you”. I got one out of three and I’m not so sure about that. [/vent] > > How have your nearest and dearest pissed you off recently? She owes you a couple hundred dollars or so. Does she treat others like this? ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2019, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/25 "2019-06-13T15:23:49Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > Throwing one’s siblings in a dumpster remains a misdemeanor in some states unfortunately. If you and your sibs are all living under the same roof, and you have a mega-argument, and you grab a sib’s possessions (laptop, jewelry, Chihuahua, etc) and toss into a Dumpster, yeah, I can see this being a misdemeanor. We’re talking about crap (Farrah Fawcett posters, gym shoes from junior high, old term papers, etc) “stored” at Mom’s house for the last one hundred years. I’m sure the law books have some definition of abandoned property, and crap like that fits the definition like a glove. Throw it all away. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Dana\_Scully](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Dana\_Scully](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dana_Scully)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2019, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/26 "2019-06-13T15:33:24Z")
> [@Alpha\_Twit](#): > > Not a Pit worth rant but I’m still kind of steamed at this. > > I was at home yesterday morning when my niece phoned. “Hey uncle Alpha, I’ve got a problem and I could really use your help. About four hours from now, can you pick me up at (town about three hours from Casa de Alpha)?” It turns out that niece had arranged to buy a used car from some family friends. She wanted me to drive to her home, pick her up and drive her back to her old hometown so that she could drive the new car back. She wants me to spend 7+ hours on the road to help her out - on virtually no notice. > > At a bare minimum, she owes me gas money, a decent, non-drive through lunch and a sincerely offered “Thank you”. I got one out of three and I’m not so sure about that. [/vent] > > How have your nearest and dearest pissed you off recently? Frequently! and I agree with the premise of your thread: family can be a real pain in the ass, at time. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2019, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/27 "2019-06-13T15:46:59Z")
I was at work (in PA) a few years ago when my son (who lives in Florida) called me. He asked if my standing invitation to come visit was still open. I told him of course! Then he told me he was stranded at the airport in Little Rock, Arkansas and needed a ticket to fly to Pittsburgh asap. It was horrible timing, as my daughter was temporarily living with us until her boyfriend finished up medical school. Still, I got online and purchased his tickets, then picked him up that evening at the airport. It was a crazy/expensive (the return leg of his round-trip ticket turned out to be unusable) experience, but he’s my son and I loved seeing him. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2019, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/28 "2019-06-13T18:10:03Z")
> [@VOW](#): > > My sister doesn’t answer her phone. You leave a message, and she’ll call back if it’s convenient for her. Are you my sister? My family has a saying “Leave Annie a message and she’ll call you back when she wants to talk to you.” My sister the lesbian has eight daughters and a slew of grands and great-grands. And they all seem to call me too much. ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/29 "2019-06-14T00:36:12Z")
> [@Dana\_Scully](#): > > Frequently! and I agree with the premise of your thread: family can be a real pain in the ass, at time. I’ve got no problem doing things for my kinfolk because we tend to be a fairly huge if tight-knit bunch. I have _seventy one_ first cousins just on my mom’s side of the family and when something happens to one of us, we all know. We get a little tribal at times and it’s not always pretty at the end of the day but dammit, we got each other’s backs. It’s a great system as long as it’s truly a shared experience. Some people are just predatory schmuckholes and the fact that they are blood relations doesn’t change that. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/30 "2019-06-14T00:45:43Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > My sister the lesbian . . . Good god. This phrasing makes her sound like a freak or something. She’s a person, not a gender identity. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/31 "2019-06-14T00:49:16Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > ‘Knock-Knock’, or ‘Farmer’s Daughter’? Aristo-‘cats’ ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/32 "2019-06-14T01:00:01Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > I’m not sure there is any upside at all. Aw Hell, there’s no doubt in my mind; there is _no_ upside. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2019, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/33 "2019-07-05T11:39:09Z")
> [@Alpha\_Twit](#): > > I’ve got no problem doing things for my kinfolk because we tend to be a fairly huge if tight-knit bunch. I have _seventy one_ first cousins just on my mom’s side of the family and when something happens to one of us, we all know. We get a little tribal at times and it’s not always pretty at the end of the day but dammit, we got each other’s backs. It’s a great system as long as it’s truly a shared experience. That always seemed kind of neat to have a big, close extended family with lots of cousins in the same geographical area. Growing up, I had a total of three aunts and two uncles from both sides of my parents. But they only produced four cousins on my Dad’s side. And because of geography and indifference I suppose, I only tend to see any of my extended family infrequently. Mostly family events. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2019, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/34 "2019-07-05T20:49:18Z")
My Brother has decided he’s not returning my calls. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2019, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/35 "2019-07-06T13:53:22Z")
I am estranged from my brother, but I hear of his exploits from my sister. Recently Brother picked up a homeless drug addict woman on the road and took her in. It’s hard to know her true story because she’s a compulsive liar. She’s taking Brother for everything she can, which actually isn’t much because he has very little. He owns a house and a car because my parents, now deceased, gave them to him. He has very little income, but when he gets desperate, he’ll work a few hours at my sister’s farm. Among other things, he bought Druggie a cell phone with an unlimited data plan. Of course, he now wants Druggie gone from his house, but can’t figure out how to get her to go. The plan he has devised is to rent her a place somewhere and pay the first month’s rent. I’m not sure where he intends to get the money to do this. He “forgot” about deposits. Druggie does not have a job, nor any plans to get one. Brother’s lifestyle and string of horrendous decisions is, of course, of concern to my sister and me, but he treats us with contempt, and there’s absolutely nothing we can do to actually help him. We are, of course, welcome to hand him money, which he will waste. I’ve seen him go through $30,000 (insurance money) in two months, with nothing to show for it. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2019, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/36 "2019-07-06T15:20:06Z")
> [@Alpha\_Twit](#): > > Not a Pit worth rant but I’m still kind of steamed at this. > > I was at home yesterday morning when my niece phoned. “Hey uncle Alpha, I’ve got a problem and I could really use your help. About four hours from now, can you pick me up at (town about three hours from Casa de Alpha)?” It turns out that niece had arranged to buy a used car from some family friends. She wanted me to drive to her home, pick her up and drive her back to her old hometown so that she could drive the new car back. She wants me to spend 7+ hours on the road to help her out - on virtually no notice. > > At a bare minimum, she owes me gas money, a decent, non-drive through lunch and a sincerely offered “Thank you”. I got one out of three and I’m not so sure about that. [/vent] > > How have your nearest and dearest pissed you off recently? I hope this doesn’t come across as “blaming the victim”, but did you express to her what you were looking for in terms of payment? Either before you agreed to help her out or during? Obviously she feels quite entitled to other people’s time, but if her uncle (and no one else) has ever snatched her up before, then maybe she doesn’t know any better. ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2019, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/37 "2019-07-06T17:03:08Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I hope this doesn’t come across as “blaming the victim”, but did you express to her what you were looking for in terms of payment? Either before you agreed to help her out or during? Obviously she feels quite entitled to other people’s time, but if her uncle (and no one else) has ever snatched her up before, then maybe she doesn’t know any better. That’s a fair point and the only thing I can say is that I thought she knew better. If that’s on me, so be it. I’ll own it. It’s one thing if you’re actually hiring someone to provide a service for you. It’s quite another if you’re asking someone close to you for a favor. In the latter case reasonable appreciation and consideration are just part of the equation as I see it. I felt my expectations were quite reasonable but if I can’t be bothered to properly communicate them to her then that’s just my too bad. Chalk it up as a learning experience and if she tries this again, charge her 75 cents a mile plus a $100 “short notice” premium. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2019, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/38 "2019-07-06T17:46:19Z")
> [@VOW](#): > > If you and your sibs are all living under the same roof, and you have a mega-argument, and you grab a sib’s possessions (laptop, jewelry, Chihuahua, etc) and toss into a Dumpster, yeah, I can see this being a misdemeanor. > > We’re talking about crap (Farrah Fawcett posters, gym shoes from junior high, old term papers, etc) “stored” at Mom’s house for the last one hundred years. I’m sure the law books have some definition of abandoned property, and crap like that fits the definition like a glove. > > Throw it all away. > ~VOW Whoosh. Siblings, not siblings stuff. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2019, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/39 "2019-07-07T01:58:25Z")
You can pick your nose and pick your friends, but family you’re stuck with…paraphrasing Kinky Friedman Alpha Twit, I’m with you. Niece ought to be self aware enough to say “I need a huge favor, I’ll pay your gas and buy you lunch, please please please help me out as I have no one else to turn to. Plus you’re my favorite Uncle…” or something along those lines. You have to option to say “thanks for offering, but I’ll do it as a favor…” Man, it’s crazy how people can be blind to common courtesy. Younger folk is can sometime kinda sorta understand (especially if I know what the parents are like), but still… ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2019, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322/40 "2019-07-07T03:40:40Z")
> [@VOW](#): > > My sister doesn’t answer her phone. You leave a message, and she’ll call back if it’s convenient for her. Wait, you want to distract her from whatever she’s doing, and when she sees it’s you calling, you want her to STOP doing her task, and talk to you about whatever you want? Maybe YOU’RE the family member your siblings are posting about somewhere else… My family has trained me to text, and I’ve come to love it. I can respond when it’s convenient. And it gives me time to think about what they’re asking, and formulate what I’m going to say. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-agree-that-family-is-a-mixed-blessing/835322.md?page=3)