# Can We Get Zombi John Banner to Be Atty General? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 24, 2007, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019 "2007-07-24T22:57:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/1 "2007-07-24T22:57:20Z")
Because even a shambling and decaying Sgt. Schultz who craved brains [would be a step up from the current fuckwit we have.](http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=amoeIdSanAzw&refer=home) > [@](#): > > ``How can we trust your leadership when the basic facts about serious questions that have been in the spotlight, you just constantly change the story, seemingly to fit your needs to wiggle out of being caught, frankly, telling mistruths?‘’ Schumer said. > > ``I do not find your testimony credible,‘’ Specter said. The senator said he believed that Comey was talking about the terrorist surveillance program. > > Specter and other lawmakers told Gonzales the department suffers from low morale because he remains as attorney general. > > ``Is your department functioning?‘’ Specter asked. > > Gonzales defended the agency’s performance, saying `the way you measure morale is you measure output,'' which he said has `been outstanding.‘’ Schultz at least had charm and personality. Gonzales? He can’t even get members of his own party to like him! Given that they pretty much have been willing to rubberstamp and overlook _everything_ Bushco has done, that’s beyond pathetic. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/2 "2007-07-24T23:45:32Z")
True, when Sgt. Schultz said “I know _nothink_”, it was believeable. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/3 "2007-07-24T23:52:40Z")
What is it with politicians and distressing surnames? Hastur. Specter. We’re going to have a Speaker Reaper next, or Congressman Nuke-Em-Till-They-Glow, or Representative Nyarlehotep. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/4 "2007-07-24T23:57:09Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan] \*\* Can We Get Zombi John Banner to Be Atty General?\*\* [/QUOTE] I’d prefer his brother Bruce. Justice should be Green. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/5 "2007-07-25T00:08:43Z")
[QUOTE=Squink] I’d prefer his brother Bruce. Justice should be Green. [/QUOTE] And imagine the possibilities in “A.G. MAD! A.G. SMASH!” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/6 "2007-07-25T00:27:37Z")
> [@](#): > > Gonzales defended the agency’s performance, saying `the way you measure morale is you measure output,'' which he said has `been outstanding.‘’ Wonder what measure of DoJ “output” he’s using? Conviction rate? Crime stats? Contents of Alberto Gonzalez’ ass? ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/7 "2007-07-25T00:28:51Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] Wonder what measure of DoJ “output” he’s using? Conviction rate? Crime stats? Contents of Alberto Gonzalez’ ass? [/QUOTE] Number of Election-Stealing Democrats railroaded into jail? -Joe ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/8 "2007-07-25T00:36:30Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] Wonder what measure of DoJ “output” he’s using? Conviction rate? Crime stats? Contents of Alberto Gonzalez’ ass? [/QUOTE] Repetitive chanting of the Justice Department’s new slogan: “There is but one president, George Bush, and Alberto Gonzales is his prophet.” ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/9 "2007-07-25T01:38:32Z")
[QUOTE=Little Plastic Ninja] What is it with politicians and distressing surnames? Hastur. Specter. [/QUOTE] Specter? Would that be the well known Republican Arlen Specter, who [Fox News identified as a Democrat](http://video.msn.com/v/us/msnbc.htm?g=b92c78aa-38b8-485e-a718-2f84787a519d&f=00&fg=copy) in todays coverage Gonzales’ testimony? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/10 "2007-07-25T04:24:43Z")
[QUOTE=Fear Itself] Specter? Would that be the well known Republican Arlen Specter, who [Fox News identified as a Democrat](http://video.msn.com/v/us/msnbc.htm?g=b92c78aa-38b8-485e-a718-2f84787a519d&f=00&fg=copy) in todays coverage Gonzales’ testimony? [/QUOTE] But they neeeeeeeeeeeeever do that! :smack: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/11 "2007-07-25T16:53:21Z")
[QUOTE=Fear Itself] Specter? Would that be the well known Republican Arlen Specter, who [Fox News identified as a Democrat](http://video.msn.com/v/us/msnbc.htm?g=b92c78aa-38b8-485e-a718-2f84787a519d&f=00&fg=copy) in todays coverage Gonzales’ testimony? [/QUOTE] Was Arlen hating freedom again? -Joe ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/12 "2007-07-26T01:51:04Z")
I never understood before that if you beat your slaves to speed up their work, they will be happier. By definition. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/13 "2007-07-26T02:02:07Z")
This I got from Fark: [Documents Contradict Gonzalez Testimony](http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070725/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/congress_gonzales;_ylt=Atx2GXPtyn78NdTtxGIDHf6s0NUE) I’ll be here patiently waiting for him to go to jail. I won’t hold my breath though. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/14 "2007-07-26T02:17:32Z")
I imagine he would have to be charged with something by a US Attorney. By the time that happens, you may be on a ventilator. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/15 "2007-07-26T02:35:58Z")
[QUOTE=Biggirl] This I got from Fark: [Documents Contradict Gonzalez Testimony](http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070725/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/congress_gonzales;_ylt=Atx2GXPtyn78NdTtxGIDHf6s0NUE) I’ll be here patiently waiting for him to go to jail. I won’t hold my breath though. [/QUOTE] I’m sure Bush will be more than happy to [del]give him a get out of jail free card like he did with Scooter[/del] support the Congress’s efforts to get to the bottom of this. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/16 "2007-07-26T02:36:55Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] I imagine he would have to be charged with something by a US Attorney. By the time that happens, you may be on a ventilator. [/QUOTE] It’s not like he’s gonna arrest himself. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/17 "2007-07-26T06:31:58Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] I imagine he would have to be charged with something by a US Attorney. By the time that happens, you may be on a ventilator. [/QUOTE] As I understand it (and don’t take my word for this), prosecuting a charge of contempt of Congress requires Congress to go through a US attorney, which is obviously not something Congress can rely on in this case. However, I believe there is something known as ‘inherent contempt’, which involves the sergeant-at-arms and other such officers of the Congressional retinue/whatever personally taking physical charge of the target and placing that person in one of the cells in the Capitol jail. Disclaimer: information in this post is based on what I read/skimmed on Daily Kos. Do not take without first consulting with your doctor. Void where prohibited. Not available to employees of Nabisco Corp., or any of its subsidiaries or associates. 4.2% sales tax applies to residents of KY. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-get-zombi-john-banner-to-be-atty-general/413019/18 "2007-07-26T07:00:09Z")
[QUOTE=Captain Carrot] As I understand it (and don’t take my word for this), prosecuting a charge of contempt of Congress requires Congress to go through a US attorney, which is obviously not something Congress can rely on in this case. However, I believe there is something known as ‘inherent contempt’, which involves the sergeant-at-arms and other such officers of the Congressional retinue/whatever personally taking physical charge of the target and placing that person in one of the cells in the Capitol jail. [/QUOTE] However, the latter power [has not been used since 1934.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contempt_of_congress#Inherent_contempt)