# Can you articulate exactly what you mean by the statement "X was hitting on me"?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [June 17, 2010, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610 "2010-06-17T23:00:24Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2010, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/1 "2010-06-17T23:00:24Z")
In a current thread about sexual harassment, someone wrote this:
> [@Now that I've reported him to HR, what happens?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/now-that-ive-reported-him-to-hr-what-happens/536291/52):
>
> In all fairness, people have varying definitions of what “hitting on you” means. In a previous job, every so often I would be talking to one of my female coworkers at a happy hour and she would say something like “don’t you have a girlfriend?” I would tell them that’s a bit presumtuous to think that I’m hitting on them simply by talking to them.
I’m not starting this thread to pick on msmith537. I would, however, be interested in hearing what different persons mean by the statements
“X was hitting on me”
and
“I was hitting on X.”
---
### Author:  [@bjbrashier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bjbrashier)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2010, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/2 "2010-06-17T23:20:17Z")
I would define it like this:
When someone is “hitting on X”, they are attempting to start a sexual relationship with that person. While this can be indirect, the connotation is that it is a very overt interaction where the intention is obvious, though not necessarily crass.
I tend to use other phrases when the relationship desired appears to be more than just sexual.
---
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2010, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/3 "2010-06-17T23:22:48Z")
> [@bjbrashier](#):
>
> I would define it like this:
>
> When someone is “hitting on X”, they are attempting to start a sexual relationship with that person. While this can be indirect, the connotation is that it is a very overt interaction where the intention is obvious, though not necessarily crass.
>
> I tend to use other phrases when the relationship desired appears to be more than just sexual.
I think I was unclear.
What behaviors, short of saying “Wanna fuck?” (or the semantic equivalent) would you consider “hitting on X”?
---
### Author:  [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2010, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/4 "2010-06-17T23:32:28Z")
X was hitting on me
When guys used to hit on me, it was more a matter of body language than what they talked about. There’s a sort of gentle herding you away from other men, and trying to make sure only they are in my line of sight. They would ask a stream of personal questions, rather than talking small talk or chatter about mutually interesting topics.
---
### Author:  [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2010, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/5 "2010-06-17T23:36:46Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#):
>
> I think I was unclear.
>
> What behaviors, short of saying “Wanna fuck?” (or the semantic equivalent) would you consider “hitting on X”?
Well that is the problem. Being friendly with intent to befriend and being friendly with intent to fuck are damn hard to distinguish. There have been more than a few times when i wished i had a definite way to indicate to a woman that I wasn’t trying to seduce them. So, I don’t have an answer for you, but I definitely appreciate the question.
Okay, I’ll at least try to be helpful. Hitting on involves seeking 1 on 1 time in private or semi private settings. Pretty much anything that sounds like “How about you and I get a drink after work” has distinct hitting on vibes. Of course, that’s exactly the kind of thing you’d say to an office friend who you wanted to make into a real friend. “Back to my place” sounds so distinctly not innocent that, even though one could have a non-hitting reason for it, no one is actually dense enough to say it without romantic intent.
There is also the category of interaction in which the body language and verbal interaction are definitely flirtatious. Exchanging compliments related to physical appearance, light touching, standing or leaning close. I think that is less ambiguously hitting on unless there is a very clear platonic prior understanding.
---
### Author:  [@bjbrashier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bjbrashier)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2010, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/6 "2010-06-17T23:40:15Z")
> [@](#):
>
> What behaviors, short of saying “Wanna fuck?” (or the semantic equivalent) would you consider “hitting on X”?
Sorry for misunderstanding. 🙂
I think The Devil’s Grandmother said it pretty well. It’s flirting with or just giving your attention to one person even though you’re in a room with other potential “targets”, and when there isn’t already a relationship. Aside from that, it’s got the nuance of being sexual in nature rather than truly romantic or even just friendly, which, as mentioned, is difficult to define. I could list some examples, but there are too many possibilities, especially if you include innuendo, to actually come down to a definition of what constitutes sexual advance vs the others.
Furthermore, I’ve definitely known people who used the term when the sexual nature of the advance was definitely not clear – it might well have been a romantic intention.
---
### Author:  [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/7 "2010-06-17T23:41:26Z")
Feigning attraction in whatever I’m talking about, trying to force a connection (especially if it’s near closing time at a bar or a party’s winding up), wanting to ‘show me something in another room.’ For me, getting hit on is different from flirting with someone in that it’s much less balanced. If someone’s into you, you don’t need to constantly hit on them – they’ll hit back (or something). It’s not necessarily bad, all the time, but it’s the sort of thing where you leave and someone else feels the need to comment ‘Wow, how was getting hit on by soandso all night?’
---
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2010, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/8 "2010-06-17T23:49:34Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#):
>
> \*\*Feigning attraction \*\*in whatever I’m talking about, trying to force a connection (especially if it’s near closing time at a bar or a party’s winding up), wanting to ‘show me something in another room.’ For me, getting hit on is different from flirting with someone in that it’s much less balanced. If someone’s into you, you don’t need to constantly hit on them – they’ll hit back (or something). It’s not necessarily bad, all the time, but it’s the sort of thing where you leave and someone else feels the need to comment ‘Wow, how was getting hit on by soandso all night?’
Feigning attraction? Is that what you really mean?
Because it seems silly, unless you’re talking about trying to distract you so he or she can still your wallet. Maybe you mean _feigning genuine affection_?
---
### Author:  [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2010, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/9 "2010-06-17T23:53:25Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#):
>
> Feigning attraction?
\*Feigning interest \*might be a better phrase. It’s pretty common when trying to pick someone up to pretend to like whatever it is they say they like, be it opera, football, or WWF.
It’s a really bad thing to do, IMHO, as when the object of interest finds out you really don’t like opera, football, or WWF you’re in trouble.
---
### Author:  [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2010, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/10 "2010-06-17T23:57:16Z")
Chris Rock said something like, "There is no such thing as Sexual Harrassment. Everything a man says or does falls into the category _‘Just tryin’ to get laid!_’
---
### Author:  [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)
#### Post date: [June 18, 2010, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/11 "2010-06-18T00:33:32Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#):
>
> Chris Rock said something like, "There is no such thing as Sexual Harrassment. Everything a man says or does falls into the category _‘Just tryin’ to get laid!_’
So, what, everything a man says or does is hitting on someone?
---
### Author:  [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)
#### Post date: [June 18, 2010, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/12 "2010-06-18T00:45:11Z")
> [@pedescribe](#):
>
> So, what, everything a man says or does is hitting on someone?
I’m pretty sure Chris Rock is a comedian, not a sociologist.
To try and get back on track, one difference between how men hit on women and how women hit on men is food. Women are more likely to offer you (for example) a homemade cookie when they are hitting on you. Men, in my experience, are more likely to buy you a drink, or dangle the promise of future gifts.
---
### Author:  [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)
#### Post date: [June 18, 2010, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/13 "2010-06-18T00:50:32Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#):
>
> Feigning attraction in whatever I’m talking about …
Aha! So actually being interested in what you’re saying means I just want to be friends, but _feigning_ attention means I want to fuck? That’s what I’ve been doing wrong all these years.
By the way, :o that was a fascinating post :o. Really :o
---
### Author:  [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)
#### Post date: [June 18, 2010, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/14 "2010-06-18T00:53:16Z")
Making comments or movements in an attempt to (eventually) get in someone’s pants. Touching, exaggerated laughing, making comments about someone’s dating/marital status (“How could a sweet guy like you be single?”), pointing out how you’re a great match for someone (“It’s so great that we both love red wine, pillow fights and nude beaches!”), etc.
At least that’s how I see it…
---
### Author:  [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)
#### Post date: [June 18, 2010, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/15 "2010-06-18T01:19:46Z")
And “wanna fuck” isn’t unknown, in my experience. Particularly when men are drunk, “hitting on” a woman can be pretty direct. i.e. leaning over and saying “I bet you taste really nice” - definitely hitting on territory.
---
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [June 18, 2010, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/16 "2010-06-18T02:04:13Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#):
>
> And “wanna fuck” isn’t unknown, in my experience. Particularly when men are drunk, “hitting on” a woman can be pretty direct. i.e. leaning over and saying “I bet you taste really nice” - definitely hitting on territory.
Oh, I didn’t mean to imply that _wanna fuck?_ has never been uttered. It even works sometimes.
---
### Author:  [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)
#### Post date: [June 18, 2010, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/17 "2010-06-18T02:20:29Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#):
>
> Oh, I didn’t mean to imply that _wanna fuck?_ has never been uttered. It even works sometimes.
On the subtle side, its probably something open to interpretation - in which you might be wrong. It might be that the guy (or girl) leaning into you, making inquiries about whether you are single, telling you that your eyes sparkle is not hitting on you, or even flirting, but wants to know if you want to join their bowling league - they just have a very flirty way of addressing people.
---
### Author:  [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)
#### Post date: [June 19, 2010, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/18 "2010-06-19T14:29:36Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#):
>
> Oh, I didn’t mean to imply that _wanna fuck?_ has never been uttered. It even works sometimes.
I’m starting to get the impression that my one and only chat up line is somehow demeaning to women.
---
### Author:  [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2010, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/19 "2010-06-20T03:35:26Z")
Yes.
---
### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2010, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610/20 "2010-06-20T03:38:12Z")
Hitting on someone is a step beyond mere flirting. It communicates a sincere desire to get into one’s pants . . . or ass, or mouth, or whatever.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-articulate-exactly-what-you-mean-by-the-statement-x-was-hitting-on-me/543610.md?page=2)