# Can you control falling in love? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 30, 2009, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-control-falling-in-love/491284 "2009-03-30T10:25:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-control-falling-in-love/491284/21 "2009-03-31T19:48:49Z")
> [@I\_Have\_Hippos\_In\_My\_Garden](#): > > I have been going out with a guy for over a year who is, apparently so perfect for me, I like him so much in every way, and I feel he likes me equally..he even accepts and understands my funny quirks and problems. However the big BUT is that I don’t think I love him. And i really really wish I did. But I don’t, and that makes me very sad. Did you get the feeling of wondering what’s wrong with you that you just can’t love this guy? I thought then that other people could make themselves love someone if they wanted to, and I was just messed up because I couldn’t. I even thought for quite a while that I wasn’t capable of falling in love with anybody (at least not with anyone who would reciprocate- I did have quite a few crushes on gay or otherwise unavailable guys) because I couldn’t love that guy. It’s been very reassuring over the past ten years to find out that I could fall in love with somebody, and that other people can’t make themselves fall in love with someone, either. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-control-falling-in-love/491284/22 "2009-03-31T20:27:37Z")
What I was also going to say in my earlier post, but couldn’t (and still can’t) find the right words to say, is that I think you have to be at peace with yourself before you can truly love another person. I know some people put it that you have to love yourself first, but I’m not sure love is the right word. You and I both know, **Hippos** , that you are not at peace with yourself yet, and I think you probably need to fight and win those battles first. I hope that doesn’t come across wrong, it’s meant kindly. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-control-falling-in-love/491284/23 "2009-03-31T23:07:44Z")
I have control of my actions, but my emotions seem to control themselves. ---
**Author:** ![ltafrank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3e96dc/32.png) [@ltafrank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ltafrank)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-control-falling-in-love/491284/24 "2009-04-13T03:26:19Z")
I wasn’t able to control it. I wasn’t even looking for it. I was looking for learning Mongolian language and because I had had an arranged marriage I had never falling in love before and really didn’t know what was wrong with me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-control-falling-in-love/491284.md?page=1)