# Can you explain this witticism to me?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [June 4, 2024, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486 "2024-06-04T18:25:12Z")
**Posts on this page:** 14
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@salinqmind1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind1)
#### Post date: [June 4, 2024, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/1 "2024-06-04T18:25:12Z")
I just read somewhere the following: The Queen Mother on an occasion at the palace was being escorted by her friend Noel Coward . As they passed the house guards in ceremonial uniforms, she noticed his wandering eye and said, “I wouldn’t, Noel. They count them when they put them out.”… I didn’t want to ask for clarification at the other site for fear of appearing stupid. But since I’ve confirmed several times that I am stupid, right here at the SD, I will ask. Was she just referring to his eyeing the glamorous uniforms, maybe wanting one for himself?
---
### Author:  [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)
#### Post date: [June 4, 2024, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/2 "2024-06-04T18:28:08Z")
Noel was gay, and she was saying that if he ran off with a guardsman, he’d get in trouble.
---
### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [June 4, 2024, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/3 "2024-06-04T18:28:09Z")
IANTQM but my speculation is that she was making a joke about Coward finding the guardsmen attractive and supposedly thinking about abducting one.
---
### Author:  [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)
#### Post date: [June 4, 2024, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/4 "2024-06-04T18:28:38Z")
I believe it’s a reference to Coward’s homosexuality. Elizabeth probably thought he was flirting with the Guards.
---
### Author:  [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)
#### Post date: [June 4, 2024, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/5 "2024-06-04T18:48:21Z")
Sounds like it’s also a backhanded reference to the old trope of having to “count one’s spoons” around a dishonest or untrustworthy person.
---
### Author:  [@ScarletSteve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScarletSteve)
#### Post date: [June 4, 2024, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/6 "2024-06-04T18:49:38Z")
Yes, and the witticism is extended by it’s not been unknown for visitors to the Royal Palaces to take a “souvenir” when they leave, so it’s an allusion to things like the cutlery being counted to make sure it’s all there.
I think big roll is a common choice these days.
---
### Author:  [@Mk\_VII](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mk_VII)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2024, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/7 "2024-06-05T13:21:51Z")
The Household Division had a reputation for conducting male prostitution in the nearby London parks, as well as mor conventional venues.
---
### Author:  [@salinqmind1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind1)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2024, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/8 "2024-06-05T14:31:21Z")
This is what I initially thought.
I know he was gay and probably checking the guys out, but the way it was worded, could possibly have meant she implied he wanted a flashy uniform to swan about in at home.
---
### Author:  [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2024, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/9 "2024-06-05T16:11:23Z")
Well, he may have been thinking, “Ooh, I’d love to get a uniform off of _him_.”
---
### Author:  [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2024, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/10 "2024-06-05T16:34:35Z")
The sexier meaning strikes me as more likely. The QM was quite accepting of gays on her own staff - I’m sure I read somewhere that when one was actually hauled before the courts, she sent him flowers with the note ‘Naughty boy!’
And there is a tale that when her pre-dinner drink had failed to appear she went below stairs to find it, only to discover a full-scale row in which one berated the other as “you old queen”, at which the QM coughed and said “If you’ve quite finished, _this_ old queen would like her gin and tonic!”
---
### Author:  [@Banksiaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banksiaman)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2024, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/11 "2024-06-05T22:14:50Z")
> [@ScarletSteve](#):
>
> I think big roll is a common choice these days.
I assume you mean bog roll, or do people brazenly pocket large baps at Buckingham Palace garden parties?
---
### Author:  [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)
#### Post date: [June 6, 2024, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/12 "2024-06-06T05:29:11Z")
Kinda gives whole new meaning to “Trooping the colors,” doesn’t it? 😉
> [https://youtu.be/u7T-SHu5wi8](https://youtu.be/u7T-SHu5wi8)
---
### Author:  [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2024, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/13 "2024-06-09T07:52:14Z")
That wasn’t too far from some realities in the Forces - here’s the late Kenneth Williams reminiscing about his time in postwar Singapore:
[ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_YbbmCit_s)
---
### Author:  [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2024, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-explain-this-witticism-to-me/1002486/14 "2024-06-09T10:13:08Z")
Everybody knows it’s a **man’s** life in the modern Army!
[ ](https://img.gifglobe.com/grabs/montypython/AndNowForSomethingCompletelyDifferent/AndNowForSomethingCompletelyDifferent-Nwuqs05Y-subtitled.jpg)