There are a very few beliefs that are so offensive (even to hold, not necessarily mention) that I would feel I had to separate myself from them. Prejudice based on skin colour or preferred type of sex partners or other inherited traits is one. I used to just hang out with people anyway, but it got to be too much.
Sometimes if we have a shared common interest where we don’t have to talk about our other beliefs and values it can work.
But I too find that either people are more strident or I am less tolerant than in the past. Not sure which it is.
Yes, and also how much they might feel the need to ram them down your throat. I can handle somebody thinking something I strongly disagree with, but if they want to rabbit on about it constantly or try to “convert” me they need to think again.
Yeah, this.
Considering the examples from the OP: I probably wouldn’t hang around with anti-vaxxers, because their beliefs are demonstrably damaging to people who aren’t them. It’s not only factually wrong, but it’s (IMO) immoral as well.
But the swingers? The only people they would be harming, if at all, are themselves. I actually have friends who are into BDSM, and have attended one of their events. I figured out pretty quickly that it’s clearly not for me, but so long as they only involve people who are also into it, it doesn’t negatively affect anyone else (other than busybodies, and fuck those guys). So there’s no problem hanging out with them.
Like other people, it depends on the beliefs. I could not hang out with anti-vaxxers, I don’t think, specifically if they believed that vaccines cause autism. And I could not hang out with racists or homophobes.
But yeah, the cats vs. dogs issue? Personally, I am bi when it comes to pets. I like both cats and dogs equally. I am one of very, very few people I know with this proclivity. But I can put up with either “cat” people or “dog” people. I also don’t really care if you prefer Mac to Windows. I am a Windows person, but my brother is firmly in the Mac camp, and we get along fine. He occasionally threatens to buy my son a Macbook, but I know he’s kidding. I also do not care if you are not Jewish, as long as whatever you are, you do not try and convert me to it.
However, and this is a quality I am proud of, because until I was in the military, I didn’t realize that it was an unusual quality in women-- I can work with anyone to get a job done. If we need to move that large pile of dirt from here to 100 feet there, and you are a raging homophobe, and another guy is a black panther, and another guy is a neo-Nazi, I will work just as hard as I would with my best friends in the world. And I discovered that most men in the military would too. Sadly, women would stop work if they didn’t like the other people on their team. Drove me nuts. There was another woman in my platoon who was a really hard worker who would also work with anyone, didn’t have to like them. It happened that she and I did not get on particularly well-- we had absolutely nothing in common, and she was a little bit of a wild-eyed Christian, and a big red Republican. But we would always pick each other to pull duty like CQ together, because we trusted each other to get stuff done, and not screw around. If they told us “Mop,” that floor was going to shine, and we could both be proud.
Surely this is true for everyone.
You got your World Church of the Creator assholes, who want a racial holy war in which all non-white people get exterminated, who go around in T-shirts that sanctify racist serial killers. Them? I don’t care how good they are at chatting about Dungeons and Dragons, how delicious their coffee, how sweet their kids, I ain’t hanging around with them.
But I got a friend who thinks the Lord of the Rings movies were travesties. I got friends who can’t stand even thinking about eating wild mushrooms. I got friends who think that charter schools are a good idea, or that charter schools should be illegal, or that Jesus walked upon the earth, or that religious people are all dummies. I can be friends with all of them.
Lots of beliefs are in the middle. A person who believes that we should lock up immigrant children in order to dissuade their parents from entering the US without documentation, they’re closer to the WCotC end of the spectrum. A person who thinks we should pay more attention to the white working class and less attention to identity politics, they’re closer to the charter-schools-are-great end of the spectrum. Lots of beliefs are there in the middle.
Yes. In fact, I’d say it was these differences that have made for some very stimulating conversations.
Also have learned a thing or two had I otherwise not been inside my bubble.
As said, it depends on the beliefs. And whether they insist on pushing those beliefs on others. Anti-vaxxers are literally endangering the rest of humanity for the sake of their conspiracy theory; I want nothing to do with such people.
But I don’t really care what consenting adults do in their bedroom, even if it’s something not personally to my taste. Or take vegetarianism; I don’t care if someone is a vegetarian, but I *do *care if they are the sort who goes on meat-is-murder rants to your face.
Every Holiday. I bite my tongue and read a book. Just one in-law who goes on and on. I guess she no longer sees my skin color. And the tiny micro-aggressions that occur once the wine gets flowing and, yeah, they all no longer see my skin color or maybe I’m “one of the good ones.”
Whenever I go to The Shop and the Mister’s BFF (who owns The Shop) gets going I usually bite my tongue but on camping times (we plug our camper in when it’s planting and harvesting times for their salsa garden) I get to drink. When I drink I will argue instead of discretely rolling my eyes.
Sure, I do ti somewhat often. But it depends how much the thing comes up. I have one friend who has become an anti-vaxxer, and I find I spend a lot less time with her than I used to, because it comes up too often, and it’s just exhausting for both of us when it does. But if we can keep the conversation on other topics, it’s fine.
(Her kid is severely autistic, and she’s gone down a lot of different weird-medicine rabbit holes. She even goes and testifies to regulatory agencies about some of her research. Who knows, maybe some of her theories have helped her kid. I’m pretty sure a lot of them haven’t. But I really can’t talk medicine with her at all.)
I’d guess that around 3/5 or more of Facebook friends or people in my social circle are those with views I disagree with, perhaps even 3/4.
I tried for a while, also because I think it’s theoretically a good idea to try and not live in a like-minded liberal bubble.
But the people I was hanging out with would regularly make racist jokes, they thought this was fun and rebellious or something. 
Well, ignoring it felt like a betrayal of my principles as well as of friends of the targeted races. But in that kind of company it just wasn’t do-able to make well-thought out counters or even get annoyed as I would be the humourless no fun person. We drifted apart.
I can be friends with anyone no matter what they believe. It’s actions that can kill a friendship.
Indeed, separate the belief, which is essentially internal, from the action, which is the externalization.
[ul]
[li]Belief - crazy crazy crazy[/li]
[li]Action - Listen to me tell you about my crazy belief![/li][/ul]
I would add that the level of intensity is a factor. If someone has oddball beliefs and occasionally mentions it, maybe OK. If instead they are constantly promoting or arguing their oddball beliefs, that’s a deal breaker.
It depends on a couple of things, how radically does the person’s views diverge from my own and how willing are they to work with me to find common ground? I probably am not going to be able to be friend’s with a Trump voter because Trumpism represents a radical departure from my values and is causing real harm. A Republican who voted for McCain and or Romney, on the other hand is someone I could be friends with. My policy on religion and politics is that I’m happy to discuss it, but I don’t need to. If the other person doesn’t want to talk about either topic that’s fine, but if they do bring up the topics, I will share my opinion. There is a certain type of consumer of vulpine news who wants to float his/her opinion, but then gets butthurt when they get pushback or disagreement. I can never get along with someone like that.
If I only hung out with people who agreed with me, I’d never leave the house. Actually, my wife disagrees with me too on many things, so I’d have to lock myself in the bathroom.
People are all trying to just muddle through life. Some muddle along different paths than I do. I’ll never change their mind by shunning them. My beliefs are not so fragile that they can’t stand up to debate. I guess if all you wanted to do every time I saw you was talk about how awesome Trump is or denigrate my beliefs I would probably stop hanging out with you, but more out of an absolute boredom that that’s all that your life is. My best friend is a Trumpist and occasionally we wander into that territory, but usually we talk about kids and jobs and hobbies. You might not notice from a message board, but I tend to be more of a listener than a talker in real life. I like to mull over what other people think and say. My father-in-law thought I was a Republican for years simply because when we talked politics I just let him talk. I learned a long time ago that you almost never change people’s minds with facts or debate. Beliefs are social and emotional in nature. Everyone thinks their beliefs are rational and everyone else is a fool, but they aren’t. (Of course you, dear reader, are the exception. Your beliefs are the result of a million hours of long debate, pain-staking research and wrestling with Jacob’s angel. The rest of us do not possess your intellect, so you’ll excuse us.) Changing minds generally involves emotional connection and social advantage, so changing minds involves dialogue and true relationship, not social shunning and a treatise on social democracy. If someone that disagrees with me or hates my beliefs wants to pal around, then by all means, let’s hang out.
Well, by actions I mean like someone having racist beliefs vs. someone actually discriminating against someone or being hostile to someone. Although I guess constantly talking crazy and never getting the hint that I’m not interested wouldn’t help either.
My girlfriend is a Christian, I’m an atheist. Neither of us tries to convert the other, so it’s not an issue.
My wife is Christian, I am also atheist. She does try to convert me, but I put up with it.
We also don’t agree much on politics.
For me, it comes down to whether I consider the beliefs of the other person evil or not. I’m an atheist, but I have friends who are various religions; I’m a liberal, but I have friends who are varying stripes of conservative. But when a person’s beliefs call for actual harm to be done to other people based on nothing more than racism and ignorance, I can’t be friends with that person. I couldn’t be friends with an ardent Stalinist for example, or a member of the KKK, or a Trumpist, what would be the point? If people aren’t what they say, do and think, then what are they? Evil people do and say evil things and I think that by choosing to befriend such people you are tacitly endorsing their repugnant views.