# Can you joke about drug testing? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [October 18, 2012, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-joke-about-drug-testing/638106 "2012-10-18T10:07:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-joke-about-drug-testing/638106/1 "2012-10-18T10:07:08Z")
Lets say as a joke you act shocked you pass an employment or court ordered drug test and say well I’ll be the heroin I shot this morning didn’t show up! Can you face any consequence for that? I mean the test doesn’t lie you are drug free, if it becomes an issue claim it was a joke. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-joke-about-drug-testing/638106/2 "2012-10-18T10:23:53Z")
Seems like a really bad idea, unless you didn’t want the job anyway. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-joke-about-drug-testing/638106/3 "2012-10-18T11:30:33Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Lets say as a joke you act shocked you pass an employment or court ordered drug test and say well I’ll be the heroin I shot this morning didn’t show up! > > Can you face any consequence for that? I mean the test doesn’t lie you are drug free, if it becomes an issue claim it was a joke. I’ll take “Stupid Things to Say at a Job Interview” for $800, Alex. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-joke-about-drug-testing/638106/4 "2012-10-18T11:36:02Z")
If it were court-ordered, or especially if it were ordered by a parole officer, I’d think it would be pretty open and shut. “Drug test presumed false negative due to confession by suspect; recommend immediate return to detention.” If it were a job interview, this would be one of those things that would hang silently in the air like an unclaimed fart and come back to bite you later. “Oh, I’m really sorry, but our original first choice candidate had a change of heart while we were having delays getting in touch with your references. Best luck in your job search.” ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-joke-about-drug-testing/638106/5 "2012-10-18T11:39:34Z")
Maybe in America it would be a terrible idea; over here it would really depend on your rapport with the test taker which basically comes down to social skills. I would definitely get away with it with most people and it would be obvious with whom you shouldn’t try. Then again I have not heard of anyone being drug tested here apart from after an accident in a safety critical job, or if you are a member of the forces. ---
**Author:** ![md2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@md2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/md2000)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-joke-about-drug-testing/638106/6 "2012-10-18T13:11:00Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > If it were court-ordered, or especially if it were ordered by a parole officer, I’d think it would be pretty open and shut. “Drug test presumed false negative due to confession by suspect; recommend immediate return to detention.” > > If it were a job interview, this would be one of those things that would hang silently in the air like an unclaimed fart and come back to bite you later. “Oh, I’m really sorry, but our original first choice candidate had a change of heart while we were having delays getting in touch with your references. Best luck in your job search.” This is the best response IMHO. Humour is lost on some people. Even people you think “you have a rapport with” may turn out to be dicks for some totally unrelated reason, or have an anal “zero tolerance” requirement. Nobody ever got fired for applying the penalties to someone who admitted taking drugs. Think of it as one of those “saying bomb in an airport” moments. They made you take the test for a reason. They may not like it any more than you do. Why possibly taunt them? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-joke-about-drug-testing/638106/7 "2012-10-18T13:13:52Z")
You could probably say “drug testing pisses me off” without negative consequences, and it could be perceived as funny. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-joke-about-drug-testing/638106/8 "2012-10-18T14:35:16Z")
It’s a dumb idea, but a potential employer could decide not to hire you for any reason, and may do it just because they don’t like jokes. In a court ordered situation you could argue that it was a joke and present the test results as proof that it was a joke. Still a stupid thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-joke-about-drug-testing/638106/9 "2012-10-18T15:56:40Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I mean the test doesn’t lie… And there’s the problem. The tests are not 100% reliable, sometimes they do lie. And sometimes people who claim they were joking lie. There are a million other ways to joke around, choose one of them. Doing it in this situation is just asking for trouble. ETA: If nothing else, joking about this demonstrates poor judgment. It will not serve you well. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-joke-about-drug-testing/638106/10 "2012-10-18T15:59:37Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > I’ll take “Stupid Things to Say at a Job Interview” for $800, Alex. > [@](#): > > And if none of that works, point at the picture on his desk and ask, "Who’s the c\*\*t? Ahhh, we miss you George. ---
**Author:** ![thatguyjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6de8d8/32.png) [@thatguyjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thatguyjeff)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-joke-about-drug-testing/638106/11 "2012-10-18T16:39:00Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I mean the test doesn’t lie you are drug free, if it becomes an issue claim it was a joke. I once got a false positive on a test for PCP. I’ll spare everyone the exact details except to say that it didn’t cause any problems. The testing folks knew damn well I wasn’t on PCP. I’ve never touched the stuff in my life. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-joke-about-drug-testing/638106/12 "2012-10-18T16:42:50Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > I’ll take “Stupid Things to Say at a Job Interview” for $800, Alex. In the form of a question, What is [QUOTE=Peter Griffen] Interviewer: [Peter is at a job interview] So, Peter, where do you see yourself in ten years? Peter Griffin: [thinks] Don’t say doin’ your wife, don’t say doin’ your wife… [out loud] Peter Griffin: Doin’ your, er… [sees photo of interviewer on the beach with his wife and son] Peter Griffin: … son? [interviewer’s shocked expression] [/QUOTE] ?