# Can you start and stop crying at will? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 18, 2005, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642 "2005-08-18T19:37:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/1 "2005-08-18T19:37:31Z")
[This thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=330270&page=1) spun off a discussion of people who cry during confrontations. One poster said we do it to be manipulative, which implies to me that at least some people can make themselves cry or stop crying at will. I can’t. If I’m gonna cry, I’m gonna cry until I stop, and I don’t have a way of making that happen on demand. Conversely, if I’m not genuinely feeling some emotion that leads to crying, I’m not going to cry. I could maybe get a few tears by blinking a lot, but that would probably be fairly obvious, not to mention that it wouldn’t look that much like real crying. Can anyone make themselves cry or stop crying at will? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/2 "2005-08-18T19:42:55Z")
I can get a few tears if I think of something horribly sad, during the days leading up to my period. Otherwise no. I try really hard never to cry, and I’ve gotten really good at it at 29. However, once I start, in earnest, that’s it. I try and try and try to stop and the more I try to more it goes on…hiccups, sobs, the whole nine yards. I used to use it manipulatively, without even realizing it, sort of a passive-agressive thing. But I stopped that years ago, for Og’s sakes. Now…my SO encourages me to cry while I desperately try to stifle it up…he knows sometimes it helps me more to cry. I never use it manipulatively anymore. At 18, you might be able to get away with it. At 29, you just look like an ass. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/3 "2005-08-18T20:19:33Z")
Well, I can make EFFORTS to stop crying. They rarely work. I definitely can’t force myself to cry, but I suppose I could not try not to if I so desired. Which I don’t really do if I ought to be discussing rather than crying. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/4 "2005-08-18T20:32:09Z")
I can’t even start. Cold hearted bastard that I am. ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Side_of_the_Floyd)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/5 "2005-08-18T20:32:14Z")
No. And it’s childish and manipulative to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/6 "2005-08-18T20:33:54Z")
Can you start and stop crying at will? Pretty much so, yes. I haven’t found it to be a _useful_ talent, though. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/7 "2005-08-18T20:37:51Z")
When I was in college, I learned how to weep at will. I was playing the part of Sally in a 1965 dramatization of _The Catcher in the Rye_ (as far as I know, this was the only dramatization ever authoritzed by J.D. Salinger). At one point, Sally meets Holden Caulfield under a big clock. During their conversation, she bursts into tears. The director coached me well, and taught me the simple technique of flooding my mind with distressing memories in order to bring forth tears. It worked. I can still do it, but I don’t use the instant waterworks trick in a manipulative way very often. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/8 "2005-08-18T20:40:10Z")
Yep. That was the only way I could get attention as a middle child. A talent that I stopped using on others about puberty. But it really came in handy when I was in theater in college. Pretty little tears, quivering chin. The picture of sorrow and I’d get the good roles. But when I’m really upset, I am _fugly_. Red, swollen eyes. Big, fat tears. Hiccups. Blotchy skin. And produce more snot than a roomful of sick toddlers. Not pretty and would only manipulate you to make sure I’m sitting up so I won’t drown. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/9 "2005-08-18T20:56:03Z")
I can neither start nor stop at will, though I used to try to start so that I could get some sympathy. No one ever gave me any sympathy, though. As for stopping, my father used to bellow, “Stop crying now or I’ll pound you through a wall!!” and that didn’t work, either. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/10 "2005-08-18T21:27:58Z")
My wife can start and stop at the drop of a dime. Often our little neices and nephews will ask…Are those real tears Auntie??? ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/11 "2005-08-18T21:31:57Z")
I’ve done it once before. I think I could do it again, but I haven’t had the chance to find out. Interestingly, when I did it, I was alone. I wasn’t really trying to cry, just fake-cry (facial contortions, and so on, without the actual tears). I was quite surprised to actually find tears. I’m unusually dramatic by myself. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/12 "2005-08-18T21:58:17Z")
I once had an actress friend who cried at will by “half-yawning”–she’d force herself to do the throat constriction that you do at the beginning of a yawn, but keep her mouth closed and not let herself follow through with the full yawn. It does make your eyes water. But no, as we all know, I can’t start and stop crying at will. (Ironically, while some of the times when I cry against my will (and against my common sense) make me feel like a giant wuss, some of the times when I _can’t_ cry (especially if everyone else in the room is crying), I feel like a cold, heartless beeyotch.) I mean sure, maybe if I’m crying over a long-distance commercial or a Lifetime movie (;)), I can stop at will and move on, but if I’m crying about something that’s actually happening to _me_, forget it. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/13 "2005-08-18T22:10:34Z")
> [@Dung Beetle](#): > > Can you start and stop crying at will? > > Pretty much so, yes. I haven’t found it to be a _useful_ talent, though. :dubious: To clarify, I can start or stop \*phony \* tears. Real tears I have no control over. ---
**Author:** ![Cyros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@Cyros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyros)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/14 "2005-08-18T22:25:39Z")
No, I can’t, sadly. Not that I would have any use for being able to start crying, but what I would give to stop at will. Like many others have mentioned, I tend to tear up when I feel criticized or stressed or angry. I try looking up, thinking of something else… nothing works. All I can hope for is that other people don’t notice or will pretend not to notice. If I’m pissed off, I’m more pissed off when they think I’m sad. If I’m really sad and they try to comfort me, then the full on bawling begins. There just ain’t no stopping it. Embarrassing as hell. ---
**Author:** ![nonacetone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonacetone/32/2819_2.png) [@nonacetone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nonacetone)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/15 "2005-08-18T22:34:52Z")
I try very hard not to cry. Growing up, I was taught from a drunken stepdad that crying showed weakness. I know better now, but I still try not to cry. I can’t MAKE myself cry. I’ve tried. Useless for me to even bother trying. ---
**Author:** ![dare\_devil007](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@dare\_devil007](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dare_devil007)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/16 "2005-08-18T23:24:35Z")
The strange thing is, I can only make myself cry at will if nobody else is around. I try not to cry, even if I’m in pain (physical or emotional) because I think it’s good self-discipline to just take it. But, sometimes, I just lose it and I completely break down into a crying fit. ---
**Author:** ![MaddyStrut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@MaddyStrut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaddyStrut)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/17 "2005-08-19T00:40:09Z")
Yes. I can start and stop for no reason other than I tell myself to do so. I don’t really think of any specific distressing memory. Instead, I just put myself into a really dismal mood and the tears come. On the flip side, I can often think myself out of a funk. It’s only temporary though. I don’t cry for more than a minute or so if it’s self-induced. Likewise, if I stop myself from crying it only lasts long enough for me to excuse myself from the situation and find a place to be by myself and let it rip. I can’t _always_ stop. If I’m dealing with something really terrible, it’s sometimes beyond my control. I’ve never used crying to get anything. Like **DeVena** , I’m really ugly when I cry. This is no movie star crying with a single tear on an otherwise gorgeous face. No. My nose runs and turns read. Skin gets blotchy. Eyes puff up. It would get me nothing. (Plus, it just never occurs to me to do so.) I have used the ability to stop crying when it wasn’t appropriate. I really don’t like crying in front of people. It makes me feel vulnerable or something. I just don’t like it. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/18 "2005-08-19T05:47:11Z")
I could probably make myself cry at will, if I started thinking about something very sad and depressing, and got myself into a mood. But I haven’t tried this, and once I start crying-and I cry very easily, I can’t stop. IT’s extremely embarassing and I hate it. Being manipulative is the last thing on my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Typically\_Sunday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Typically\_Sunday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typically_Sunday)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/19 "2005-08-19T06:00:06Z")
I can fake cry at will. It sounds authentic, although I can’t do tears. It was a random talent I taught myself as a child- I never actually used it to manipulate people. Nowadays I do it every once in awhile jokingly. If something makes me cry for real, I can usually hold it back to just tears until I get somewhere private. When I can’t hold it back, I go all out: hiccups, tears, stuffy nose, and I can’t stop until I’ve calmed down, which can take awhile. ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642/20 "2005-08-19T14:36:12Z")
If I think of something incredibly sad (like someone I love dying) then I can make myself cry. It isn’t the same as when I’m REALLY crying, though. When I really cry, there’s no way I can stop and I usually look all red-eyed the rest of the day. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-start-and-stop-crying-at-will/317642.md?page=2)