# Can you top RickJay's Chuck Norris joke? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 1, 2008, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865 "2008-01-01T03:19:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/1 "2008-01-01T03:19:23Z")
[Inspired by this pithy, yet brilliant, post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9320880&postcount=13). I myself shan’t throw my hat in the ring. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/2 "2008-01-01T03:34:42Z")
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/3 "2008-01-01T03:37:56Z")
Actually, Chuck Norris counted to eleven and then said that was enough. All of the other numbers backed down because they didn’t want to argue with Chuck Norris. ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/4 "2008-01-01T04:14:08Z")
In 1975 Chuck Norris kicked Mr. T. This split him in half, creating Gary Coleman and Emmanuel Lewis. Out of sympathy for the world, Chuck created a perfect Mr. T robot. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/5 "2008-01-01T04:25:12Z")
I thought Chuck Norris WAS a joke. Then he hit me. I’m not laughing anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/6 "2008-01-01T04:25:58Z")
When Chuck Norris shows up, [Wilford Brimley](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=367144) packs up and goes home. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/7 "2008-01-01T08:17:46Z")
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/8 "2008-01-01T08:23:10Z")
There is no such thing as evolution, only animal species Chuck Norris hasn’t decided to roundhouse kick out of existence yet! ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/9 "2008-01-01T11:07:05Z")
Chuck Norris killed Shrodinger’s cat. Nothing “uncertain” about it! Fuckin’ cat’s dead! ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/10 "2008-01-01T11:17:01Z")
**RickJay’s** joke was funny, but I think **luci** just topped it. ‘Fuckin’ cat’s dead!’ Brilliant 😃 ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/11 "2008-01-01T12:13:06Z")
Paradox solved. Nothing \*\*can \*\* happen because Chuck Norris is both the irresistible force and the immovable object. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/12 "2008-01-01T13:01:04Z")
Chuck Norris died 4 years ago. The Grim Reaper is afraid to tell him. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Perro\_Fumando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e9c0ed/32.png) [@El\_Perro\_Fumando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Perro_Fumando)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/13 "2008-01-01T15:11:24Z")
My favorite might not work so well in a few months, so I’ll tell while the telling’s good: One night, Chuck Norris snuck into a Convent in the Himalayas. Nine months later, every sister gave birth to children who would later become the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only team ever to go undefeated in the history of the NFL. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/14 "2008-01-01T22:31:50Z")
Chuck Norris makes Jesus call him “Sir”. ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/15 "2008-01-01T22:44:18Z")
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2008, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/16 "2008-01-01T23:00:47Z")
Can Chuck Norris beat himself up? ---
**Author:** ![dbuzman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de0a6/32.png) [@dbuzman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dbuzman)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/17 "2008-01-02T03:53:03Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Can Chuck Norris beat himself up? [/QUOTE] Chuck Norris got curious about this once. The blood he spilled in the attempt is the Dark Matter that holds the universe together. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/18 "2008-01-02T04:06:18Z")
Ya know that guy, Occam? Yeah, well, let’s put it this way. No one pulls a razor on Chuck Norris twice. Tris ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/19 "2008-01-02T04:07:35Z")
And if Chuck Norris looks too long into the Abyss, the Abyss says, “I’m sorry.” “Sir.” Tris ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865/20 "2008-01-02T04:27:50Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Can Chuck Norris beat himself up? [/QUOTE] Of course he can, and he can beat himself to within an inch of his life, but being Chuck Norris, he can take it and more. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-you-top-rickjays-chuck-norris-joke/431865.md?page=2)