# cannot ever date again **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 30, 2011, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553 "2011-03-30T20:18:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/21 "2011-03-31T16:05:17Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Girlfriends drop boyfriends who use paid sex workers, while they are still together, that I understand. But that’s different from dropping someone they’re dating because they find out he once paid for sex. Someone paying for sex could easily show a potential partner that the someone has a different attitude toward sexual relations, one the potential partner doesn’t find compatible. I think I would fall into that category. Would I end a relationship over it? It depends on whether I felt I was deceived. Would I consider it a red flag? Very much so. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/22 "2011-03-31T16:17:19Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Quit worrying about finding the perfect woman that will love the ideal version you have of yourself. Find a girl that will love you for who you are, flaws and all. There’s plenty out there. Some even as flawed as you. This is true. All women are not the same and will not react the same way to this type of information. Some will see it as a deal-breaker, but some will not. Women will drop partners for all kinds of reasons, good or bad. You can’t control what an individual woman needs in her partner. If you feel you need to disclose this prior act, then you will end up with a woman who is fine with it. But, you have to try and meet women and date to know which woman matches you and who you match up with as well. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/23 "2011-03-31T16:17:43Z")
> [@uzerid](#): > > Yes woemn here are more tolerant and yes I can hide it and true I have not tried. > > What I was saying was that I know myself that I can’t hide if I am real with someone. > Besides I am not paranoid, google this topic and you will find many many posts from girls who love their boyfriends but as soon as the boy admits to such thing they can’t love him anymore - even if they are trying to… It does something to their mind. > Perhaps they can’t trust the boy anymore as to what sex means to him is different to what sex means to them. > > Yes everyone knows this more or less but not so clear like day light. Make sense ? Frankly, I’m a woman and I’m getting a bit offended by your assumption that all women think the same way and feel the same way. I see absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with engaging a prostitute, if that’s what gets your rocks off (or has in the past). In fact, this American woman firmly believes that all sex trade should be decriminalized. I would no sooner reject a potential love interest for hiring a hooker than I would explain in great detail just how many guys I have fucked and what positions I did with each one of them. Your past sex life is nobody else’s business, assuming you’ve been checked and cleared for STD’s and you used condoms with your hooker(s). Now cheating on someone to whom you’ve previously committed, with a hooker (doesn’t really matter if it’s with a hooker or not), that is a real live dealbreaker. But this self-defeating, “I cannot ever date again” attitude will indeed turn out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy unless you find some way to break out of your Madonna-Whore Complex. ---
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/24 "2011-03-31T18:39:47Z")
It is good to talk. @sandra_nz Yes I am less western when it comes to these stuff. I think the fact that I was so near to someone like that is bothering me the most. They are troubled girls… and well hurting some which I had never done is hard to get over… @jsgoddess \>\> Would I consider it a red flag? Very much so. Can you explain please ? @Dogzilla \>\> Now cheating on someone to whom you’ve previously committed, \>\> with a hooker (doesn’t really matter if it’s with a hooker \>\> or not), that is a real live dealbreaker. You mean even if it was in the past ? I was not strong enough to let the girl go, I had too much stress to deal with and so tried not to lose the only thing that kept me going a little - if it makes sense ? ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/25 "2011-03-31T18:42:30Z")
Look man: _nothing that you did in the past matters anymore._ If there is one thing you should take away from all this and internalize, let it be that. The past does not matter. Let go of the past. Nobody cares what you did in the past. The only direction for you to move in is forward, and don’t look back. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/26 "2011-03-31T18:44:53Z")
> [@uzerid](#): > > @Dogzilla > \>\> Now cheating on someone to whom you’ve previously committed, > \>\> with a hooker (doesn’t really matter if it’s with a hooker > \>\> or not), that is a real live dealbreaker. > > You mean even if it was in the past ? > I was not strong enough to let the girl go, I had too much > stress to deal with and so tried not to lose the only thing > that kept me going a little - if it makes sense ? No, I do not mean even if it was in the past. If I am dating you and we have had a conversation about exclusivity and it is crystal clear that the expectation is that neither of us will fuck any other as long as we are fucking each other, then if you go out and get a hooker, I will be pissed. Why pay for it when I was giving it up for free? I’d mostly be mad about the wasted resources and the breach of trust. If you had sex with a hooker long before I ever dated you… well, that’s not cheating. **What you did in the past is none of my concern** and I’m sure most women would appreciate the same respect in return. ---
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/27 "2011-03-31T18:51:44Z")
> [@](#): > > **What you did in the past is none of my concern** and I’m sure most women would appreciate the same respect in return. Yes I have to learn this I think. I think I have not had time to grow up which is the reason I couldnt just separate in first hand. A bit worried that someone could find out and then feel I was abusing them by not telling them about my past. Say if I get drunk and say something or they find out somehow… ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/28 "2011-03-31T18:54:30Z")
> [@uzerid](#): > > Yes woemn here are more tolerant and yes I can hide it and true I have not tried. > > What I was saying was that I know myself that I can’t hide if I am real with someone. > Besides I am not paranoid, google this topic and you will find many many posts from girls who love their boyfriends but as soon as the boy admits to such thing they can’t love him anymore - even if they are trying to… It does something to their mind. > Perhaps they can’t trust the boy anymore as to what sex means to him is different to what sex means to them. > > Yes everyone knows this more or less but not so clear like day light. Make sense ? Thing is, you are using words like “boys” and “girls.” When we are talking about nonadults – young people dating, like teenagers I suppose – there is a whole maturity level thing that affects how “girls” might react to such news. When you grow up and start dating adult women, I would imagine that most women have matured enough to understand that everybody has a past and if you need to hold someone’s past against them, then it is probably not a good dating match. I keep trying to make the point with you that women are not pristine virginal creatures whose very delicate ears would be offended by the mere utterance of the word “prostitute.” While some may question your morals or character for being the type of person to employ a prostitute, that doesn’t necessarily mean an automatic dealbreaker. In other words: just because you’ve read a few insecure posts from what sounds like some rather immature young ladies, that doesn’t mean 100% of all adult mature women would respond the same way. Again, you might consider doing some introspective work about how you’ve come to view women as part of one of only two subsets: those who are pure, pristine, good-girl virgins, and those who you pay for sex. You seem to not be recognizing that women, like men, are not just either one thing or another. We are all on a sliding scale of virginal-to-slutty (both men and women) and the trick is to find someone whose proclivities match up with yours. Like I said, I wouldn’t necessarily reject a potential romantic interest out of hand just because of his past because I wouldn’t want him to reject me because of mine. ---
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/29 "2011-03-31T19:02:05Z")
@Dogzilla Well may be it’s because I havent grown up with many girls around (reasons dont matter) to learn this… I think I grew up being too nice and being protected too much that made me feel insecure about the smallest issue - which is why I assume others are same… ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/30 "2011-03-31T19:05:20Z")
> [@uzerid](#): > > Yes I have to learn this I think. > I think I have not had time to grow up which is the reason I couldnt just > separate in first hand. > A bit worried that someone could find out and then feel I was abusing them > by not telling them about my past. Say if I get drunk and say something > or they find out somehow… Are you running your posts through translation software or something? The formatting is really effed up and brutal to read. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/31 "2011-03-31T19:05:41Z")
Well, welcome to the wide world of “everybody’s different.” Enjoy. Glad we could be of help. ---
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/32 "2011-03-31T19:09:49Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > Are you running your posts through translation software or something? The formatting is really effed up and brutal to read. no i cant be bothered to format it to your eyes. ---
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/33 "2011-03-31T19:11:37Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Well, welcome to the wide world of “everybody’s different.” Enjoy. Glad we could be of help. yes thanks does help to read different opinions. stepping into a new life on my own is really difficult. takes time no matter what.. i wish i didnt have to grow up - bit too much really. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/34 "2011-03-31T19:16:31Z")
> [@uzerid](#): > > @jsgoddess > \>\> Would I consider it a red flag? Very much so. > > Can you explain please ? As I said, it would show that someone has a different view of sexual relations than I find compatible. A host of one-night stands would do the same thing. This doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to find someone who isn’t bothered by it at all, or who isn’t bothered by it so much that it becomes a dealbreaker. People are different. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/35 "2011-03-31T19:19:26Z")
> [@uzerid](#): > > no i cant be bothered to format it to your eyes. No worries, I know how to deal with that. ---
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/36 "2011-03-31T19:26:12Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > This doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to find someone who isn’t bothered by it at all, or who isn’t bothered by it so much that it becomes a dealbreaker. People are different. yes makes sense; issue is i may look young/nice/cute/blah blah.. and it makes most females think I am the sweetest guy ever. not in this respect but generally I have had trouble expressing myself because females have always assumed such person in me. I might sound a bit unrealistic but this last relationship ended with simlar comments. she kept telling me i didnt look like someone who could do that ! she never thought well I am f’ing man like others and stress and other issues can make me do anything a man is capable of… ---
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/37 "2011-03-31T19:39:54Z")
my family is another issue here. they wont accept anything less than 100% pure girls !! ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/38 "2011-03-31T19:47:50Z")
How the hell would your family know if a girl was “pure”? They check all your potential dates for unbroken hymens? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/39 "2011-03-31T19:50:25Z")
> [@uzerid](#): > > yes makes sense; issue is i may look young/nice/cute/blah blah.. and it makes most females think I am the sweetest guy ever. not in this respect but generally I have had trouble expressing myself because females have always assumed such person in me. I might sound a bit unrealistic but this last relationship ended with simlar comments. she kept telling me i didnt look like someone who could do that ! > she never thought well I am f’ing man like others and stress and other issues can make me do anything a man is capable of… First, stress and other issues didn’t make you do anything. You chose to do things. Own that. Second, if you are going to obsess over a woman’s “purity,” whether at your family’s prodding or no, there really isn’t anything I can say to that except own that, too. ---
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/40 "2011-03-31T19:52:54Z")
> [@woodstockbirdybird](#): > > How the hell would your family know if a girl was “pure”? They check all your potential dates for unbroken hymens? ooooo woow u dont know them ! but generally slutty actions are not very welcome. anyway… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553.md?page=3)