# cannot ever date again **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 30, 2011, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553 "2011-03-30T20:18:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/41 "2011-03-31T20:03:18Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > You chose to do things. I understand. Yes I chose which is why I am feeling guilty. Why did I choose to do it? well I tried to go away for a while and it helped me think. I was under so much pressure and stress that I felt like I needed something outside the relationship. I wanted to try drugs but was scared of them so CHOSE this way to escape my life - false escape… ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/42 "2011-03-31T20:05:36Z")
I have never dated or slept with someone whose parents were aware of exactly how slutty I am behind closed doors. I don’t understand why you’d give a shit what your parents thought of your dates. I can see wanting their buy in if you’re introducing them to someone you want to _marry_, but just dating? I don’t even tell my parents when I am dating. I tell my dad, “If it’s serious, then I’ll tell you about it. Until then, just assume it’s a series of Randoms who don’t mean that much to me.” Dude, my dad is a _mormon_. I’m just saying. I’m with **jsgoddess**. Own your own shit. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/43 "2011-03-31T20:06:41Z")
Where are you from and what is your background? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/44 "2011-03-31T20:07:13Z")
You start by forgiving yourself, since you believe you did something wrong. ---
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/45 "2011-03-31T20:12:01Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > Where are you from and what is your background? Prefer to say not around west… people are really nosey where I come from. ---
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/46 "2011-03-31T20:13:17Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > You start by forgiving yourself, since you believe you did something wrong. OK. This needs a bit of maturity too which I am learning as I go through this. ---
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/47 "2011-03-31T20:17:34Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Dude, my dad is a _mormon_. Yes I know. But dont be surprised to hear I have to learn this life style - I told u I am not from a western country… Also you are making me feel you are not a woman “Dude…” > [@](#): > > I’m just saying. I’m with **jsgoddess**. Own your own shit. Yes I get it. ---
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/48 "2011-03-31T20:31:02Z")
@Dogzilla I was with this person for a long time she wasnt just a date… and well that is what eventually will happen with someone in future again, hence my questions… thanks for everones help. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/49 "2011-03-31T22:16:19Z")
uzerid you’re in the wrong place for the type of advice you seek. Your culture and mores are very different from the typical doper here. So any advice we would provide is likely to based on our own worldview which is likely very different than yours and your family. You need to seek advice from other in your own culture that have gone through similar issues to yourself. Best of luck. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/50 "2011-03-31T22:25:38Z")
> [@uzerid](#): > > no i cant be bothered to format it to your eyes. I’m not embarrassed to admit this made me laugh out loud a lot. What dude whatsithe problem ifi don’t format my posts in a waythat you find legible. Ur problem bro. ---
**Author:** ![uzerid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/47e85d/32.png) [@uzerid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uzerid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/51 "2011-03-31T23:11:21Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I’m not embarrassed to admit this made me laugh out loud a lot. > > What dude whatsithe problem ifi don’t > format > my > posts in a waythat you > find legible. > Ur problem bro. mean to be a joke. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553/52 "2011-03-31T23:30:34Z")
I agree with **Omar Little**. The Dope is a great place to get advice in general, but without knowing your cultural background (and I understand why you don’t want to share it, and that’s okay) we really can’t be much help here. It’s entirely possible that there are Dopers here from your same background who could help, but without knowing what that background is, our ability to help is very limited. So, I’m sorry this is sort of general, but **uzerid** , I think you need to talk to a religious leader from your own faith. Whether it be priest, priestess, minister, Imam or Rabbi, every major religion has some sort of penance and cleansing ritual for situations like this. You’ve got to face what you did, accept it, and make it okay in your own mind before you can enter a new relationship feeling like a whole person. Maybe you’ll need to do some sort of penance, like saying prayers or volunteering at a homeless shelter to help the sort of women you took advantage of in the past, before you’ll feel better. Maybe you’ll need to cover yourself with holy water, or burn sacred herbs, I don’t know. But there’s _some_ process in your religion to offer redemption. What I’m reading here is more personal guilt than pressure from women you’re dating. I understand one woman you dated was very unhappy when she found out and broke up with you. That doesn’t mean all women will. But no matter what the women in your life are doing, YOU feel guilty. YOU feel bad, and you can’t get away from yourself. You need to find someone who is trained in how to help you move beyond this in your own mind, before you even think of bringing another woman into your life. And that’s a perfect job for your religion. If you weren’t raised with a religion then it’s a job for a psychologist, one who is familiar with people from your cultural background. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cannot-ever-date-again/576553.md?page=2)